Supercard Review: WWE Royal Rumble 2017 - Randy Orton, Chris Jericho, Braun Strowman, Baron Corbin, Sami Zayn...

On 29th January, WWE returned to the Alamodome in San Antonio, Texas for the first time in over twenty years, presenting the 2017 edition of the Royal Rumble in front of an alleged 52,020 fans (around 8000 less than the reported figure for the 1997 event at the same arena). The eponymous 30 man over-the-top event was, of course, the main event, with an eclectic line-up seeing the likes of The Undertaker, Chris Jericho, Randy Orton, The Miz and Cesaro battling for either a WWE Championship or WWE Universal Championship shot at WrestleMania 33 on 2nd April. Also on the event, AJ Styles put the WWE Championship on the line against long-time rival, John Cena, whilst Roman Reigns challenged for Kevin Owens' WWE Universal Championship in a No Disqualification match, with Chris Jericho suspended above the ring in a "shark cage". The undercard included the likes of RAW Tag Team Champions Cesaro & Sheamus, Mickie James, Sasha Banks and Natalya in action. 

Could WWE kick off the Road to WrestleMania in style? Let's take a look.

Kick Off 

• An updated version of "Rumble by Numbers" was the first notable moment of the Kick-Off event, although WWE would air this a couple more times later on.

• The Kick-Off panel of Renee Young, Booker T, Jerry "The King" Lawler and Shawn Michaels discussed the RAW Women's Championship match coming up later.

Match One

Nikki Bella, Becky Lynch & Naomi 

def. 

Natalya, Mickie James & Alexa Bliss 

(7:21 [TV])

A fairly basic six man tag to open the event, with Naomi getting the pin on Smackdown Women's Champion Alexa Bliss, which will surely lead to a title match on 12th February at Elimination Chamber. Naomi's hot tag sequence was the highlight, partly because the crowd went nuts for it and partly because the former Funkadactyl was a ball of energy as soon as Becky Lynch had made the tag. The rest of the match was standard stuff, nothing wrong with it, but nothing to get excited about. It would've been nice to have had a match that felt like it hadn't just been thrown onto the card when someone realised they hadn't booked a Smackdown Women's match for the show, especially considering there's a shit tonne of talent in that division. 

• The panel had a chat about the Kevin Owens v Roman Reigns match, with plenty of discussion about Chris Jericho being in the shark cage, because we all love fucking shark cages...

Match Two 

The Club 

Luke Gallows & Karl Anderson

def. 

Cesaro & Sheamus 

to win the WWE RAW Tag Team Championship

(9:20 [TV])

This match had a two referee gimmick, which did more to harm the two pairs than anything else. The finish ended up feeling so contrived with various people bumping into other people and Anderson eventually pinned Cesaro with a school boy roll up, after all sorts of things happened, seemingly all at the same time. Outside of the gimmicky silliness, the teams worked a physical match, that felt like it could've broke out into a sleeper hit, even if the crowd didn't seem particularly interested. Unfortunately that wasn't to be, as the booking and structure let the lads down, as Sheamus was bizarrely given the hot(ish) tag and the gimmick then took control. The four worked hard for each other, but they ended up fighting a losing battle. 

• Austin Aries joined the panel to talk about Neville getting his shot at Rich Swann's WWE Cruiserweight Championship, in what was perhaps the strongest analysis the panel did all evening.

• Charly Caruso interviewed Dean Ambrose in the Social Media Lounge, with the Intercontinental Champion talking about hiding underneath giants and dinosaurs, to some benign fan questions.

• Match Three - Nia Jax def. Sasha Banks (3:13 [TV]) - Jax ran through Banks like a local competitor. 

Main Show 

Match Four

Charlotte Flair

def. 

Bayley 

to retain RAW Women's Championship

(13:03)

With a big slot as the opening match, a sound framework to work with, plenty of time and a red hot crowd that couldn't have been anymore invested if they tried...I came away feeling a little disappointed with the RAW Women's Championship match. The story of the likeable underdog Bayley battling the arrogant and dominant Flair fueled the action, and whilst the two couldn't be better suited for their current roles, the action itself was all too often awkward or rushed. Perhaps this stemmed from an early slip with Bayley attempting to throw Flair to the outside, but there were a number of time when the two seemed to have some real trouble communicating inside the ring. Bayley having to jump back down from the top rope to re-position Flair for an elbow drop stands out in particular. The match also suffered from a lack of believable nearfall for it's babyface and with the level of crowd support it seemed a little wasteful to have Flair be so dominant. The Natural Selection on the apron was a sweet finish, though. 

• Big lengthy promo package from the Universal Championship match...shark cage.

Match Five

Kevin Owens [Kevin Steen]

def.

Roman Reigns 

to retain the WWE Universal Championship 

[No Disqualification Match, with Chris Jericho suspended above the ring in a "shark cage"]

(23:22)

If you take away the shark cage gimmick, a silly brass knuckles super punch near fall for Owens and Braun Strowman's involvement in the finish, The Prizefighter v The Big Dog was a bloody good heavyweight scrap, that utilised the No Disqualification gimmick to a tee. Let's focus on the positives, before looking at the finish, with the main plus point being the wild brawling style that suited the two down to the ground. They kicked things off with a heated brawl through the crowd, that raised the energy inside the Alamodome and kept the fire coming throughout. While I wouldn't say it felt like the two hated each other, there was definitely the feeling that this was two men who would anything for the Universal Championship. This was emphasised by a number of well placed spots, including Owens nailing a brutal looking Frog Splash through a table on the outside, before later toppling through an inventive pyramid of chairs. One of the best matches for either man over the last twelve months. 

Braun Strowman's involvement in the finish, ambushing Reigns on the outside, allowing Owens to get the pin was a curious ending to the bout. I didn't particularly dislike it, it's clear that Reigns was never going to lose to Owens clean and with Jericho stuck above the ring, it was obvious that WWE had booked themselves into a corner and plumped for the Strowman route. I always feel that the longer a match goes, the more important it is to have a satisfying and complete finish (something that's already been alluded to during the match) and after over twenty minutes of scrapping and battling, it was difficult not feel disappointing with how things ended in San Antonio. I would've liked to have seen Owens nail a Pop-Up Powerbomb to put the exclamation point on it and give a little heat back to the Prizefigher. I'm not particularly interested in Reigns v Strowman feud either, so that probably had a bit of an impact on my enjoyment of the whole thing. 

• The first part of a Royal Rumble vignette aired, with Cole describing it as the top 30 Rumble moments, but it was more of a rehashed Rumble by the number situation. 

• A promo for Neville and Rich Swann's Cruiserweight title clash, as the division continues to try and rediscover the formula that made the Cruiserweight Classic must-watch.

Match Six

Neville [PAC]

def.

Rich Swann

to win the WWE Cruiserweight Championship

(13:29)

The Cruiserweight Division is yet to find an real identity, but despite the crowd's nonchalance, Rich Swann dropping the belt to Neville was a cracking jaunt. This was arguably the best bout the division has had since it's return, as the two characters slotted together nicely, whilst the pairs history in Dragon Gate (both in the USA and Japan) meant the action was well paced and crisply delivered throughout. Neville's new heel character is taking a while to get over, thanks partly to the fact that he's the best known face to your regular WWE audience, but Swann's comeback, after a lengthy period of the Geordie controlling play, was exactly what The Man That Gravity Forgot and the division as a whole needed. Swann's offence was exciting, came at a ridiculous speed and had blue eye fire in bucket loads. This clash was a solid building block to start constructing the division around and deserves extra credit for having to slot in between the Owens v Reigns and Styles v Cena matches. The King of Cruiserweights now has his crown and potential title defenses against the likes of Akira Tozawa, Gran Metalik and Jack Gallagher should create some great moments inside the purple ropes in 2017. 

• The hype package for the WWE Championship match detailed the rivalry between challenger John Cena and champion AJ Styles, including their previous bouts last year at  Money in the Bank, SummerSlam and with Dean Ambrose at No Mercy. 

Match Seven

John Cena

def.

AJ Styles

to win WWE Championship

(24:01)

Money in the Bank was great, SummerSlam was superb and Royal Rumble was the perfect conclusion to one of the best in-ring feud that WWE has ever produced. For me, the evidence for just how good this match was was that John Cena finally managed to equal Ric Flair's sixteen World Championship reigns and got a positive reaction, which would have been almost unthinkable in the not so distant past. In fact, the crowd were fantastic throughout the entire match, creating, what sounded like, an amazing atmosphere inside the Alamodome and made each near fall even more gripping for me sitting on my sofa. The pair built their 24 minutes epic from the very beginning towards a near-fall laden third act, that began with Styles catching his opponent's diving leg drop bulldog and powerbombing Cena into the canvas. I'd happily put the final stretch up against any World Championship collision, as the momentum shifts, kick-outs and both men pulling out rarely used moves, produced some magnificent television. Styles' inaugural WWE Championship reign has opened eyes and anchored Smackdown Live excellently, hopefully he is rewarded with a money match at WrestleMania on 2nd April.

I've seen this match dismissed in certain circles for being finisher heavy and while there was three Styles Clashes and four Attitude Adjustments, there was a whole lot more to match. This was rich and vibrant encounter, that saw two of the best in the business, take the audience through a variety of tones, with each form flowing into the next, with a near perfect ebb and flow. The story of Cena's desperation to win back the prize, alongside his dislike for Styles, gave us a strike based opening and some wonderful visuals of a Cenation Leader reaching his boiling point when unable to seal the victory. The first portion played on some of the work done in the previous two collisions, with Styles having an answer to a number of signature offence, hitting a number of big moves including the Styles Suplex Special and a Rack Bomb. The two also chucked in a technically solid exchange of submissions, that began with a spectacular series of reversals with both managing to lock in their signature holds, before moments later branching out as Cena went for a timely Figure Four Leg Lock and The Phenomenal One caught his opponent in a crossarmbreaker.  WWE may manage to equal this clash later in the year, but I'd be very surprise if Vince McMahon's promotions manages to better it.

• The second part of the Royal Rumble vignette aired, as a final bit of hype for the eponymous battle royal.

• Before the main event, Big Cass and Enzo Amore got a little mic time, as they chattered about being in Texas, a coupe of the Royal Rumble entrants, as well as running through their catchphrases.

Match Eight

Randy Orton

def.

Chris Jericho, Braun Strowman, Baron Corbin, Sami Zayn [El Generico], Sheamus, The Miz, The Undertaker, Dean Ambrose, Bray Wyatt, Rusev, Cesaro [Claudio Castagnoli], Luke Harper, Brock Lesnar, Roman Reigns, Kofi Kingston, Goldberg, Big Cass [Colin Cassady], Big E, Kalisto, Mojo Rawley, Mark Henry, Apollo Crews [Uhaa Nation], Tye Dillinger [Shawn Spears], Xavier Woods, Dolph Ziggler, Jack Gallagher, The Big Show, James Ellsworth [Jimmy Dream] and Enzo Amore.

to earn a WWE Championship match at WrestleMania 33

(1:02:06) 

[Royal Rumble Match]

So, as was expected, Randy Orton won the Royal Rumble for the second time and earned himself a fifth major championship match at WrestleMania. The brand split means that this victory is perhaps less important to the Show of Shows than it had been over the last three years and therefore having an established main eventer, who already has twelve World title wins to his name was a little less annoying than had it just propelled him into the only big championship match on the show. Similar to Orton winning the Money in the Bank Ladder match in 2013, this victory follows a period where we've seen The Viper slip into the background, teaming with Bray Wyatt, having lost his last three one on one PPV matches, without a singles title match since April 2015 and with no singles gold since dropping the WWE World Heavyweight Championship to Daniel Bryan at WrestleMania XXX. Therefore, there's an argument to be made that this Rumble win does indeed elevate it's winner and whilst Orton could probably still walk into main events (see: SummerSlam last year). winning the most popular match of the year certainly won't hurt him. 

The closing stages of the contest appeared to play of the disdain that a big chunk of WWE's audience has for Roman Reigns as the Big Dog wreaked havoc after entering at #30. Some of the videos showing various reactions to Reigns are hilarious, showing just how over the Pensacolan is and how invested those fans who claim to be "smart" are with his exploits. Having Roman entering last got the audience on his back immediately, taking any potential heat away from an Orton victory   Reigns use during his five minute run was some of the most intriguing booking WWE has used in a while as the 2015 winner eliminated The Undertaker, screaming at The Deadman that "This is my yard now", before also taking out a man who had spent over an hour in the match, Chris Jericho. Those two eliminations obviously gave Reigns momentum, with the match pointing towards a triumphant win after he took Orton's tag partner Bray Wyatt out also and if there was one thing the audience didn't want to see it was another Roman rumble victory. This allowed Orton's win to feel clean, with an audience who was onside with the promotion, instead of fighting against the story direction as we've seen in the last few years.

It wasn't just Randy Orton, but the entire The Wyatt Family who took up a big chunk of the matches last twenty fives minutes, with Orton, Bray Wyatt and Luke Harper entering between #21-#25. Whilst the threesome didn't pick up many eliminations (just two with Orton throwing out Reigns and Harper taking out Apollo Crews), there was some major storyline developments, where they became the main focus of proceedings. The biggest moment was, of course, Harper turning on his teammates, after it had initially been teased that Orton would finally leave the uneasy alliance. It was a cool swerve, that all three played nicely and the pop that Harper got when he went for a Sister Abigail on Wyatt showed that it was the right time and place for the swap. Perhaps an elimination for either side here would have added a little bit extra, as it seemed weird to leave Harper in the match to just be fodder for Goldberg later on. There's potential however in a babyface push for The Backwood Brawler, he's got a whole lot of talent that perhaps he hasn't quite been able to show and a feud with Wyatt could produce a unique narrative of the oppressed Harper battling against the Cult Leader. 

With no-shows from Samoa Joe and Finn Balor, almost all of the bookies favourites entered the match towards the end of the contest, with Braun Strowman and Chris Jericho the only exceptions. Orton, Brock Lesnar, Goldberg and The Undertaker all headed to the ring in the last twenty minutes or so, leading to an eventful final third. The continuation of the Lesnar and Goldberg feud, with The Beast getting chucked over the top within minutes of his foe entering the ring. I can take or leave Lesnar v Goldberg again and I'm not too sure that their interactions have made their rematch a bigger contest than their November clash. Goldberg would eventually get sent packing by Undertaker. Personally, whilst the interplay between the various legends was entertaining, I felt it was a shame to have guys like The Miz, Dolph Ziggler, Dean Ambrose, Sami Zayn and other regulars look like complete chumps in comparison to the guys who only wrestle a handful of matches a year. 

The rest of the Rumble was pretty run of the mill, featuring a handful moments that managed to hold the attention, but had a bit of a treading water feeling. The ring filled up with fodder for Strowman (Big Show, Mark Henry, Kalisto etc.), Cesaro & Sheamus were the cliche tag team at loggerheads, big lads looked at each other, people did a couple of signature moves when they came in, Kofi Kingston had a spot. It was a decent way to pass an hour, but there was very little that grabbed. The two exceptions were Baron Corbin eliminating Strowman, after a Helluva Kick from Sami Zayn and Tye Dillinger entering a Number 10. The booking of The Monster Among Men was a masterstroke, as not only did it finally give Zayn a bit of redemption against his tormenter, but it gave a big rub to The Lone Wolf. The elimination was a clever use of the brand split, as it elevates Corbin on the Smackdown brand, without the need for a full programme between the two (yet!). Whilst Dillinger's appearance was as predictable as rain in England, it did get a great pop and provided a hard working talent with a well deserved moment. Jack Gallagher was also a breath of fresh air during his three minute stint.

Coming out of the Rumble, I think my main feeling was that it was mostly an enjoyable watch, but not a substantial one. It was junk food, as opposed to a Royal feast. It never felt boring, but neither did it feel like I was glued to the screen either. Maybe this was partly my fault for checking the odds before the show and being almost certain that Orton was going to win, but I also feel a big part was down to how the match was put together. The feeling that everyone was passing time until the big names made their entrance held the match back, as well as a lack of any genuine surprises. It certainly wasn't a bad match, but I doubt it will stand long in anyone's memory.

Finally...

ATPW Scale Rating - 6.77/10

The first PPV of 2017 was a pretty good outing, with every match on the main card offering something worth watching. The clear Match of the Night was John Cena and AJ Styles' thrilling WWE Championship match, whilst it was well supported by the more physical Roman Reigns v Kevin Owens WWE Universal title clash. I didn't feel like Charlotte Flair v Bayley live up to it's potential, but the crowd's investment, at least, meant it's worth having a look at and it's perhaps it's a match that I'll reevaluate in the future. The audience were a big help to the overall presentation, being energetic and involved for almost the entire evening, with their sheer numbers giving the event an extra special feel.

Review: James Marston

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Opinion: The Problem With Gimmick Matches or How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria? By Putting Her In A Punjabi Prison Match

In the past few weeks, WWE Monday Night RAW has had very few real surprises but there has been one unexpected return. We all knew that really they wouldn't stay away forever, I mean it was never really retirement, was it? It was just waiting for the right time to return, waiting for the moment when all hope was lost and they could bring some back. When they could bring some inspiration to our dark, callous hearts and show us that true sincere joy can still be found in a world so cold and lonely. I am, of course, talking about the surprise return of the Arm Wrestling match in a scintillating ****** (yes, that is six stars. Count 'em) classic full of surprising twists and turns and gut-wrenching performances by Bayley and Dana Brooke, it is sure to go down in WWE history as one of the greatest arm wrestling matches the company has produced. Up there with Mark Henry v Cesaro, Mark Henry v Kane, Mark Henry v Rusev, Mark Henry v Sheamus and of course, the high watermark of this classic match type, Darren Young v Byron Saxton (Young sure earned his redemption points for that one).

Whilst he was not involved that art-pop classic, Henry is clearly shown to be the possible poster boy for World Arm Wrestling Entertainment should the company choose to take that further, which they should I mean, don't you want to print money, Vince? But he's not the only wrestler to be synonymous with match types. Obviously there's the big names like The Undertaker and Hell in a Cell (which was just a couple of Sundays ago. Coincidence, I know), Kane and Inferno matches, Santina Marella and Divas Invitational Battle Royal but did you know about Raven and his Clockwork Orange House of Fun match? Maybe you did but did you know that the first ever match had a rule that you had to push of your opponent through two tables from the Raven's perch? And did you know the second ever one didn't even involve Raven but was between Shane Douglas and CM Punk? Well you do now. Today we're going to look at a few of my least favourite gimmicks, this won't be a comprehensive list by any stretch of the imagination. It's more a reminder that while you spend your time complaining about having to watch three Hell in a Cell matches, you can know how much worse you could have been having it.

Really to look at gimmick matches as a whole, we have to look at why they happen. There's a simple theoretical reason and that's that a story can't be the same one beat repeated ad nauseum, because this isn't 2K career mode, a rivalry isn't formed of one person having a one-on-one match with another twelve times then being like good game, let's go beat up other people. The storied rivalries of wrestling history bring in different types of matches to vary proceedings - blood feud about two people wanting to kick the tar out of each other? Give them a Last Man Standing match, does one tag team keep using untagged partner hijinks, have it climax with a Tornado Tag, you get the idea. In many ways, adding a gimmick match is a crutch. If you're trying to raise the stakes of a scenario but the natural progression of the story is slower than you'd like, simply by throwing in a steel structure, you've given the last act a bigger finale even if it's an inorganic one. I'm not saying every tale told in the ring should have to end with a standard match but in a perfect world, the writing would hold up enough that the feud between the two (or more) parties involved would run deep enough that you wouldn't need to add to it, it's emotional shorthand, a way of visibly adding to a confrontation that you'd hope would feel enough without it. I'm not saying that every match with a gimmick doesn't need it but boy, there's a lot of them that don't.

Which brings me neatly to the Punjabi Prison Match, an entire development of the HiaC that never needed to be. Quite appropriately, this is a match-type developed for real-life killer and actually not quite Punjabi, The Great Khali. Feel free to look it up, he's from Himachal Pradesh province which borders Punjab. Also quite appropriately, he wasn't even in the first one at The Great American Bash in 2006 after he developed all of the enzymes in his liver so some bollocks with Teddy Long was written in to make The Big Show face The Undertaker instead. Khali would eventually compete in his own match a year later but he would lose to Batista making the whole thing feel silly, I mean why bother building the whole match type for him to lose it. That said, he was at an unfair advantage as he had to climb out of the structure and Khali was never exactly known for actually being able to leave the ground, especially at speed! So the two matches revolve around locking two big lads in a bamboo cell which has doors that can be opened once per match for sixty seconds then, around it is another bamboo cage that has no doors that they have to climb out of. Much like in prison, where you have to escape by climbing or where there are leather straps for torture, like in prison. I haven't been in a Punjabi Prison or any kind of Prison but clearly Michael Cole has because he talks about being in Prison with such confidence. My first thought watching this is "boy, this must have been difficult to watch for the audience in the Conseco Fieldhouse, Indiana. Not in the way that it's difficult to watch Zandig matches because he's about to die at any second in the ring but because there are thick bamboo pieces surrounding the ring, then more bamboo around that. Somewhere in the middle of all this are two blobs that may resemble The Big Show and The Undertaker from certain angles if you squint hard enough." It's a hard thing to explain because the first match of the two is technically better because at least both Show and Taker know how to move like people but thematically the second one makes more sense because Khali actually appears inside the structure.

The actual structure just, quite appropriately, ruins the structure of the match, it prevent actual storytelling because the simplicity of the HiaC match is that it's just a No DQs match but with a big lump of steel around the ring. The Cell, while used as a weapon, more just represents an enclosing of the story to one area, it (in theory) keeps both competitors in and interlopers out but focuses in the match to the competitors, it forces the story to focus on the athletes. The Punjabi Prison match is more about the prison than the two men in it. Even the commentary talks more about the 'steel reinforced bamboo' than it does about Khali or Batista or Taker or Show. The gimmick is just window dressing, it is a way of adding variation to a story but it is not a story in itself. This is not a film, the Punjabi Prison is not New York, becoming an extra character in the story. It's a mistake that's being made over on RAW at the moment with the focus of the Banks-Charlotte storyline being on women stepping into the Cell for the first time and not who the women are and why they hate each other. Wrestling is characters, not events and that is where the Punjabi Prison went wrong. Also the two matches are fucking piss-piles, that doesn't help.

From one very silly structure we go to a mental multi-man match. Now there were many I could have focused on here: the three ring sixty man clustershambles that is WCW's World War Three Match, the 'boy I hope you feel uncomfortable' histrionics of WWE's Fulfill your Fantasy, and the WSX Rumble, one day, I will write more about Wrestling Society X but for now, just don't ask. But there could only be one worst: TNA's Reverse Battle Royal - the only match type to call itself a reverse and then include the actual thing it's meant to be the reverse of in itself. So a Reverse Battle Royal involves sixteen men standing outside the ring and fighting to climb back in, the first eight that make it inside then try and knock each other over the top rope till there are only two left at which point it becomes a standard singles match. In other words, it's a round of bullshit followed by a second round of bullshit with a bullshit finale to finish. You know how the Royal Rumble at its best weaves micro-stories through its main ones, it builds rivalries afterwards but also has literal through-line narratives of its own, well the reverse battle royal just has lots of not quite ring entrances. There's a reason that it only happened twice because I think something clicked that they realised 'wait, is this really bloody stupid?' But then again, they also made The Dixieland -Escape the cage, run to the top of the entrance ramp and climb a ladder match.

Like all terrible gimmick matches, it's main issue rests with its lack of clarity. What I was saying about the Punjabi Prison match, at least that had a clear means of victory, a clear aim, the Reverse Battle Royal just strands its almost ridiculous amount of talent in the middle of a constantly shifting form of rules. To be a fan of wrestling, you have to be willing to accept some frequently ridiculous contrivances but even the most ardent suspender of disbelief will be hard pushed not question why they don't all just immediately try to climb in? It seems like it was a match idea contrived purely to try and be different. I am not opposed to invention, what I am opposed to is forgetting what the aim of the entire endeavour was. Especially with the second one (the first one seems to have been quite successfully buried in terms of available online footage), the match only really comes alive once we get down to the singles match which begs the question, why not just do a standard battle royal if this was all just a way of furthering a feud between Bobby Roode and Eric Young? Why do you have to try and sell a new match type instead of just telling a story? There are reasons that very few new match types catch on and that's because once a winning formula is found, the easiest thing to do is repeat it, trying something new is difficult. There's a reason why so much that's new fails, but the main issue is not thinking it out properly. When your performers are standing around looking confused, how can you expect an audience to get it?

All this taken into consideration, every so often, something really stupid makes something really beautiful. For the last match gimmick of the night I'd like to take you back to the Halcyon days of NXT Redemption. Tyson Kidd and Yoshi Tatsu were engaged in a feud over the leg of Yoshi Tatsu's action figure that he kept in a shrine and prayed to for luck in matches. They were drawn one match each in their feud but Kidd still had Tatsu's figure's leg on a necklace so the Rubber Match was booked Tatsu v Kidd: necklace on a Pole match. Now 'On a Pole' matches as a whole are usually terrible, especially when combined with the words 'Vince Russo', they just seem like a ridiculous match-type once again begging, the question 'what would happen if you just knocked the pole?' But Tatsu and Kidd made art. It made so much sense that this necklace would be on a pole because it was a feud over a necklace with Tatsu's leg on it, albeit in a tiny plastic form. Tatsu wasn't just fighting for his action figure's body part but the very honour that was represented in being made into an action figure. Kidd was just doing it because he thought shrines were silly and he's a magnificent bastard heel. 

You may have noticed I've been mostly picking on matches that involve a lot of climbing and you know why? Because climbing is not interesting to watch, it's up there with rest holds and Mojo Rawley on the list of tedious elements of pro-wrestling. It's hard to describe what made this one match special, it wasn't that the two men were better than those who'd come before, it wasn't even that it was less silly (than for instance, the Shane Dougas v Billy Kidman in a Viagra on a Pole match), I think it was a commitment to the strange alt-universe in which this kind of match made sense. Frankly writing this, I'm now surprised and disappointed that Killshot (Shane Strickland) and Marty Martinez's Weapons of Mass Destruction Match didn't have Killshot's dogtags on a pole because that would have been perfect. Maybe what I'm saying is that sometimes, a really stupid gimmick can be overwhelmed by sheer commitment to it. Like how Kota Ibushi can wrestle a sex doll and make it more compelling for twenty minutes than anyone to. But what Kidd and Tatsu did was take a gimmick and make it part of the story, instead of the gimmick being the story. Just consider that with Hell in a Cell, the cell is just another storytelling device and ask yourself 'would this match work if there wasn't a Cell here?' 

But honestly, if you take one thing away from this article, it's that we were robbed of a second season of Wrestling Society X. Robbed, I say!

Words - Jozef Raczka (@NotJozefRaczka)

Images - James Marston (@IAmNotAlanDale)

Editor - James Marston (@IAmNotAlanDale) 

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DVD Review: WWE Royal Rumble 2016

WWE Royal Rumble 2016 is out on DVD and Blu-Ray now in the UK. You can order here at WWEDVD.co.uk and all other reputable Home Video stockists. Broadcast live on PPV (and on the WWE Network) from the Amway Center in Orlando, Florida, USA on 24th January 2016. The show features Roman Reigns defending the WWE World Heavyweight Championship against 29 other men including Chris Jericho, AJ Styles, Kevin Owens, Sami Zayn and Dean Ambrose in the main event Royal Rumble match. The DVD edition includes five other matches featuring the likes of Kevin Owens, Becky Lynch, Dean Ambrose and Charlotte in prominent bouts. Commentary on the disc is provided by John "Bradshaw" Layfield, Michael Cole and Bryon Saxton.

royal rumble 2016 dvd match card

Main Feature

Match 1 – Last Man Standing for WWE Intercontinental Championship

Dean Ambrose (C) vs. Kevin Owens

Match 2 – Tag Team for WWE Tag Team Championship

The New Day: Big E & Kofi Kingston with Xavier Woods vs. The Usos: Jey Uso & Jimmy Uso

Match 3 – Singles for WWE United States Championship

Alberto Del Rio © vs. Kalisto 

Match 4 – Singles for WWE Diva's Championship

Becky Lynch vs. Charlotte © with Ric Flair 

Match 5 – Royal Rumble for WWE World Heavyweight Championship

Roman Reigns © vs. Rusev vs. AJ Styles vs. Tyler Breeze vs. Curtis Axel vs. Chris Jericho vs. Kane vs. Goldust vs. Ryback vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Titus O'Neil vs. Luke Harper vs. Stardust vs. The Big Show vs. Neville vs. Braun Strowman vs. Kevin Owens vs. Sami Zayn vs. Erick Rowan vs. Brock Lesnar vs. Jack Swagger vs. The Miz vs. Alberto Del Rio vs. Bray Wyatt vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Sheamus vs. Triple H

Special Features 

Match 6 – Tag Team Fatal Four-Way to qualify for the Royal Rumble

The Dudley Boyz: Bubba Ray Dudley & D-Von Dudley vs. “The World's Strongest Man” Mark Henry & “A Real American” Jack Swagger vs. Damien Sandow & Darren Young vs. The Ascension: Konnor & Viktor (taken from WWE Royal Rumble 2016 Kick-Off)

main feature 

Royal Rumble 2016 begins with a brilliant Last Man Standing match between Dean Ambrose and Kevin Owens over the WWE Intercontinental Championship. Both men put in strong performances in a spot-based encounter that builds and builds towards it's finish. Following this there's a good tag team match with The New Day's Kofi Kingston and Big E opposite The Usos, that is highlighted by a pacy spot sequence in the final third of the match. The main problem the bout has is that the crowd is ready for a New Day babyface turn and possibly a reverse for their opponents. 

The WWE United States Championship match between Alberto Del Rio and Kalisto is let down by a couple of missed spots and a particularly sloppy finish. However, for the most part the pair work quite well together in the ring and the match has a handful of believable near falls. Becky Lynch's challenge for Charlotte's WWE Diva's Championship features some top class wrestling between the pair who work hard for each other throughout the match. Ric Flair's actions on the outside of the ring, including his involvement in a fairly flat finish stop the match from becoming as good as it should have been, but the surprise following the match makes up for this. 

Of course, The Royal Rumble match takes up a large section of the show, going for over an hour, but it's structured well-enough that the match rarely feels like a drag. The opening ten minutes or so in particular are a great watch, with the debut of AJ Styles' getting a massive reaction from the Amway Center. Roman Reigns' trying to hold onto his WWE World Heavyweight Championship is obviously the major storyline throughout the bout, and the story takes a number of obvious turns throughout the match, disappointingly showing a real lack of creativity and imagination. 

However, there are various points in the match that feature clever pieces of booking, showing a knowledge of the audience and managing to keep the crowd involved in the action and push heat into the correct places. A personal highlight, that I suppose wouldn't be for everybody, is R-Truth's mid-match comedy spot, that still managed to get a little chuckle out of me on the second viewing. The matches other main thread is the action involving The Wyatt Family and Brock Lesnar, which again felt like a little bit of miscue in terms of the booking, with the action never quite seeming as good as it could have been. Luckily, however, the matches closing straight is a thrilling couple of minutes, that have the crowd hooked, allowing the match and the show to end on a high point. 

special feature

The only added extra on the disc is a Fatal-Four Way tag bout involving The Dudley Boyz, The Ascension, Damien Sandow & Darren Young and Mark Henry & Jack Swagger attempting to earn spots in the Royal Rumble match in a surprisingly fun outing, that is unfortunately let down by a lack of clarity in it's sloppy finishing sequence.

finally...

atpw dvd rating - 6.80/10

Not without it's problems, the first big show of 2016 is a stellar watch from start to finish. Each match has a reason to check it out, with the opening Last Man Standing match and the Royal Rumble bout standing out as the two strongest matches on the show. If you're looking to add to your PPV collection, then the Royal Rumble 2016 get's my recommendation, for sure.

PPV REVIEW: WWE Royal Rumble 2016

24th January 2016 presented us with first WWE PPV of 2016, as Chex Mix presented WWE Royal Rumble - One vs. All from the Amway Center in Orlando, Florida, USA. With Roman Reigns defending his WWE World Heavyweight Championship in the Royal Rumble against the likes of Chris Jericho, a debuting AJ Styles, a returning Sami Zayn, Kevin Owens and Intercontinental Champion Dean Ambrose, whilst the undercard was highlighted by a Last Man Standing match over the WWE Intercontinental Championship between Ambrose and Owens and a WWE Diva's Championship contest between Charlotte and Becky Lynch...but was it any good?

fast-forward...Mr. McMahon and Stephanie McMahon kicked off the show, giving a short interview to Jo-Jo as the exited their limo...It was then time for the regular opening hype package, this time focusing upon Roman Reigns' upcoming struggle in the main event and highlighting a number of potential new WWE World Heavyweight Champions...As Dean Ambrose and Kevin Owens made their way to the ring, we were also introduced to our Spanish and French announce teams for the evening, Jurassic Park...

Dean Ambrose defending the WWE Intercontinental Championship against former Champion Kevin Owens opened up the action, as the two put on a splendid Last Man Standing encounter. Action-packed and full of big spots, Ambrose and Owens managed to build a match that kept things building throughout, with each slice of conflict upping the ante. Meanwhile, The Lunatic Fringe's work as the underdog, managing to get to his feet numerous times despite the damage Owens inflicted, gave the pair a solid base to create mayhem, with Owens also putting in some fine character work. The onslaught from Owens included opening up with Cannonball through the barricade and finishing up with the Prizefighter hitting a Swinging Fisherman's suplex through a table, with the later producing a quality near "fall". 

The finish of the bout saw Kevin Owens look to be planning a moonsault onto Dean Ambrose, with the WWE Intercontinental Champion prone on a number of chairs (see pic above), only for the Lunatic Fringe to send the former ROH World Champion crashing through a stack of tables at ringside. I'm on the fence about the finish here, that's because whilst it was spectacular and arguably topped anything visually from the rest of the bout, it didn't top the potential spot that was being teased from Owens. If the roles had been reversed and Ambrose had been the heel denying the audience the more impressive spot, I don't think I would have been bothered, in fact I think I would have praised the creativity of the whole thing. This is, of course, silly nitpicking, on what was a rare gem, a satisfying WWE Last Man Standing match, with a conclusive feud ending finish. 


fast-forward...Dean Ambrose celebrated with his WWE Intercontinental Championship belt, which has certainly risen in stature since it was around the waist of Bad News Barrett this time last year...The now expected promo of upcoming WWE Network shows aired with Ride Along, Stone Cold Podcast (no new guests announced), Camp WWE, Edge & Christian Show That Totally Reeks of Awesomeness, Fastlane (26th Feb.) & WrestleMania 32 (3rd Apr.) all being hyped...

I've felt that WWE Tag Team Champions The New Day have been a bit off the boil this year, having to cut a promo before every match must be bloody challenge. But this was a cracking effort from the three lads, as Francesca the trombone rose from the dead like Rory the Roman, with Xavier Woods revealing the he'd been having some kind of inappropriate relations with the brass instrument, which will surely lead to hundreds of questionable fan fictions across the world. The boys put on an entertaining show on the mic, with them listing various gold things in the ring, being reminiscent of Tom and Donna's "Treat Yo Self" from Parks and Rec, which is always going to make me a happy chappy. In response to the New Day's vitriol, The Usos replied with a little angry dance, as seen above. 

Despite a couple of awkward moments (Big E's weird elbow thing to an Uso, another (or possibly the same Uso) hitting a "Definitely Not Superfly" Splash and then shuffling himself to the other side of Kofi Kingston to allow for the WWE Tag Team Champion to put his foot on the ropes) this was another fun tag bout between The New Day (Kofi Kingston & Big E, if you hadn't worked that out) and The Usos (Uso #1 and Uso #2). With lots of "things are happening" moments as all four men took dives, with Big E pulling out his wicked spear through the ropes spot for the occasion, this was easy to watch, even if it lacked a little substance. It was a shame that the Orlando crowd only seemed interested in the action when the New Day were in control, with a portion booing the Usos inevitable hot tag, despite also chanting "New Day Sucks" throughout the match. It took the wind out of things just a little, for me as a home viewer, and seeing as both men worked their arses off throughout the bout I felt a little unjustified. With Big E retaining the titles hitting an Uso with the Big Ending in an impressive closing sequence, the team are now on 8 televised defenses in their second title reign and having gone over The Lucha Dragons (3x), The Dudley Boyz (3x), The Usos (2x), The Prime Time Players (2x) and Los Matadores, I'm not sure if the trio have anyone left to defend against on the current roster.


fast-forward...Few pleasure in life are as pure as watching 5ft 11, 285 lb Big E girating in celebration...A promo for the episode of WWE 24 that followed directly following the PPV aired, fair play...For the banter they showed a recap vid of the Highlight Reel from last week's RAW with Brock Lesnar and Roman Reigns taking out The League of Nations and The Wyatt Family taking out Lesnar and Reigns, whilst Chris Jericho did fuck all...Bray Wyatt cut a pretty sweet promo about slaughtering people or something, whilst his buddies looked at him...Lilian Garcia announced Kalisto in Spanish and Alberto Del Rio in English for reasons unknown...

After passing the WWE United States Championship back and forth in solid bouts on Monday Night RAW and Thursday Night Smackdown over the past couple of weeks, I was hoping that Champion Alberto Del Rio and challenger Kalisto would be able to top those two matches and create a special contest that would elevate both men, and especially the challenger, in his biggest singles showcase to date. Therefore, I was disappointing when the two put on a sloppy and disjointed bout, that despite being given a significant portion of time failed to deliver on it's promise. What was that thing that Kalisto tried to do in the middle of the match? He jumped on Del Rio's back, slipped a bit, then scrambled to a roll up. I'm sure if it had paid off it would have been spectacular and we'd all have been talking about that Kalisto chap with his flippy move that was awesome sauce, but unfortunately we are not. After a few more awkward moments, Kalisto picked up a surprising victory hitting Salida del Sol to capture his 2nd United States Championship to close a seemingly ambitious, but ultimately poor bout. The Lucha Dragon is going to have to work his arse off over the new few weeks to prove he deserves the slot he's been handed thanks to the collective injuries of partner Sin Cara and John Cena. 


fast-forward...The crowd seemed pretty happy though joining in with the Lucha Lucha Lucha thing, top banana...The Kick-Off panel of Renee Young, Booker T, Jerry Lawler and Corey Graves chatted about earlier goings on and reminded us that Roman Reigns would defend the WWE World Heavyweight Championship later on, just in case we were planning on tuning out of a product we'd paid for...Highlights from the Fatal-Four way tag team bout from the Kick-Off show that saw Jack Swagger and Mark Henry earn a thirty second slot in the Royal Rumble match, defeating The Dudley Boyz, Damien Sandow & Darren Young and The Ascension in the process...Paul Heyman chatted with Stephanie McMahon somewhere backstage to fill a bit more time...A full promo for Edge and Christian Show That Totally Reeks of Awesomeness aired, with the show look much more promising that I had previously anticipated...The hype package for Charlotte and Becky Lynch's  WWE Diva's Championship match was next...Obviously Becky Lynch and Charlotte made it out to the ring next, with Ric Flair living the dream also...

The crowd being completely behind Becky Lynch throughout made this match for me. That isn't to say that the two girls didn't wrestle a good bout, because they did, but it was so pleasing to hear a WWE PPV crowd completely invested in a Women's match. Chanting "Let's Go Becky" with Charlotte in control of the WWE Diva's Championship match, made things so much more enjoyable as a home viewer and made it easier to buy into her struggle against the underhanded tactics of the Flair's. It was a shame that elements of Ric Flair's involvement were questionable, not as in heel unquestionable tactics, as in forcing a smooch on Becky (to Wooo's from the crowd) and then chucking his jacket into the challengers face whilst she had the Disarmer locked on. I'm behind the Father/Daughter partnership, especially with the pair positioned as antagonists, but I can't get my head around why either incident wouldn't get Charlotte disqualified and why Ric isn't facing (in kayfabe) some-kind of charges for his forced kiss. There were cleverer ways to have Flair help out Charlotte than what they produced here, that would have lead to a much more satisfying conclusion, as Charlotte completed her seventh successful TV title defense. 

Ohhhh, but the misgivings of the Flair's were quickly forgotten when as Charlotte was laying into Becky Lynch post match, Sasha Bloody Banks music hit and the crowd popped their little socks off. Sasha looked incredible, both aesthetically and in her attack on Charlotte, as after originally seeming to be siding with the Champion, she looked on the Banks Statement. With The Bo$$ finally getting the platform to show us what she can do on the main roster, there's some real potential in a feud between her and Daddy's Little Nature Girl over the upcoming months. Part of me is hoping that WWE manages to keep them apart until WrestleMania and gives them enough time to put on a real show. There's even the potential to get Sasha's cousin Snoop Dogg involved to add the razzle and the dazzle. 


fast-forward...The same WWE Network hype package that aired earlier aired again for reasons...Chex Mix did a thing at the Performance Centre, I don't know what Chex Mix is...ROYAL RUMBLE BY THE FUCKING NUMBERS PROMO...Roman Reigns and Rusev made their entrances to kick off the Royal Rumble match, nicely mirroring the duo being the final two in last years event...

Gonna try something a little different here and split the Royal Rumble match into ten minute (or so) intervals to hopefully give a solid picture of the entire match. The first ten minutes might have been my favourite of the bout, setting the bar high with a big surprise and some fun early eliminations. Okay, the big surprise wasn't much of a surprise after the months of speculation over AJ Styles finally jumping from NJPW to WWE, but it was still pretty fucking cool to see him mixing it up with the likes Roman Reigns, Chris Jericho and Kane early doors. Thumbs up for all the Social Outcast's bumping off the apron as well, as Curtis Axel failed to remain in the Royal Rumble for another year. Rusev & Tyler Breeze also got eliminated before the ten minute mark as the babyfaces reigned supreme 

With Orlando seemingly behind AJ Styles, I was a little confused when they lost their shit with "Feed Me More" chants when Ryback creaked his way to the ring. What do these people even want? To be fair, the two combined to produce one of the coolest back body drops I've seen in quite some time. Despite being low on star entrances, this next ten minute stretch had a good couple of spots that kept me entertained throughout. R-Truth coming out and thinking it was a Money in the Bank Ladder match was a great use of someone who clearly isn't going to win, whilst Kofi Kingston landing on Big E's shoulders and dancing around ringside was a cool heel twist on the self proclaimed "Mr Royal Rumble"'s traditional survival spot. By this point we knew Goldust (intriguingly sent out by his brother's rival, Titus O'Neil) and the aforementioned R-Truth (sent over the top by Kane) wouldn't be WWE World Heavyweight Champion...which we kinda knew heading into the show.

The third portion of the bout brought us to the half way point and introduced the two major plot points of the bout. We saw Roman Reigns pulled under the bottom rope by The League of Nations' Sheamus, Rusev and Alberto Del Rio in perhaps one of the stupidest heel moves of all time. Yes, with Mr. McMahon egging them on they destroyed Reigns, finishing up with Rusev gaining some revenge for his elimination by splashing the WWE World Heavyweight Champion through the announce table, but they didn't fucking eliminate him or throw him back in the ring for someone to eliminate him. I get that it was for the advancement of the storyline, but it made all three Nations members and especially the supposed "mastermind" McMahon look like complete idiots. They basically allowed Reigns to leave the match for half an hour, get fixed up backstage and return. We also got the rise of The Wyatt Family as Braun Strowman joined Luke Harper in the match and dominated chucking out both The Big Show and Kane. Kofi Kingston, Titus O'Neil and Ryback also kissed goodbye to their World Heavyweight Championship hopes as Chris Jericho, Big Show and Big Show again sent them packing.

The next portion of the bout had an awful lot going on, as we headed into the business end of the contest and things started to get serious. The first big elimination saw Kevin Owens eliminate fan favourite AJ Styles, and gain extra brownie points for shouting "Welcome to WWE" as he sent the former 2 time IWGP Heavyweight Champion crashing to the outside to a loud chorus of boos. Owens was the perfect candidate to send Styles packing, he's a heel who is popular amongst the most vocal section of the WWE fanbase and therefore benefited from eliminating Styles getting some good heat, but didn't send them into a paddy and cause them to ruin the rest of the bout. Not that they'd have had chance to as Sami Zayn made his return to the main roster for first time since May, taking out Owens and sending the crowd into a frenzy in the process. With Erick Rowan joining The Wyatt Family party and the trio sending Stardust, Neville, Mark Henry and Zayn out, before Brock Lesnar went Wyatt hunting, Wyatt hunting in Suplex Fucking City. Yeah, I typed that and you read it. I hope you're still reading.

This section was ALL about Brock Lesnar. Also, a little about The Miz, but fuck The Miz. Lesnar continued his fine work, putting on an entertaining display taking out the three members of The Wyatt Family with lots of suplexes and such. This was a lot of fun to watch, and paced perfectly as Bray Wyatt headed out just after Lesnar had eliminated all Bray's pals (and Jack Swagger for the bantz). A feud between Lesnar and the Wyatt's could present some interesting scenarios and the idea of Wyatt dueling verbally with Paul Heyman is mouth watering, so when Wyatt ordered his bros to get back in and take Lesnar out of the match, I have to admit to being more than a little excited. However, it did mean than one of the favourites to win the bout was eliminated before the final stretch had begun. The Beast spent just over 8 minutes in the contest. 

So, the final portion of the bout left us with Roman Reigns, Chris Jericho, Dean Ambrose, The Miz, Alberto Del Rio, Bray Wyatt, Dolph Ziggler, Sheamus and Triple H doing battle to win (or retain in Reigns' case) the WWE World Heavyweight Championship. We got Reigns' return to the match, with the Champion now being booed (but not particularly loudly) as took out Sheamus on the entrance ramp and sent The Miz and Alberto Del Rio packing. It was then all about Reigns and the returning Triple H (in his first match since WrestleMania and first Rumble match since 2010) as the pair played a game of one-upsmanship, with Trips pedigreeing Ziggler and Reigns spearing Wyatt. Seeing Triple H work fine sequences with both Dolph Ziggler and Bray Wyatt was pretty cool and it was clear that both Ziggler and Wyatt were enjoying getting to grapple with The Game. With both Wyatt and Ziggler falling to Trips (and Sheamus in Wyatts case), Dean Ambrose taking out Chris Jericho and Reigns throwing Sheamus over the top, we were left with an intriguing final three. But that was taken away almost instantly as the Authority leader tossed Reigns over, seconds after The Juggernaut had sent Sheamus out. Yeah, it meant we got the cool moment of knowing we were getting a new World Heavyweight Champion, and the Lunatic Fringe and the Cerebral Assassin provided some cool action in the ring, but I could only see Triple H walking out with the Gold. Keeping Reigns in there a bit longer could have offered something a bit more interesting with the former Shield buddies opposite The Authority once again, having Ambrose drop the IC title earlier in the night could also have produced a more interesting finish. 


fast-forward...Triple H is our new WWE World Heavyweight Champion for the ninth time and seems on a collision course with Roman Reigns at WrestleMania, and he ended the show celebrating with wife Stephanie McMahon and father-in-law, Mr. McMahon.

finally...

atpw scale rating - 6.41 (good)

This was a quality PPV with a Royal Rumble main event that was paced pretty much perfectly, telling various stories throughout, with plenty of twists and turns and a handful of surprises that went further than the token nostalgia pop. Dean Ambrose and Kevin Owens put on world class performances, creating a strong physical Last Man Standing opener, whilst Ambrose also went just shy of half an hour in the Rumble. Here's hoping Ambrose will be repayed with marquee WWE Intercontinental Championship defense in ten weeks time at WrestleMania. Kalisto and Alberto Del Rio's WWE United States Championship match was a low point, but even that had it's moments despite the botches. The rest of the undercard managed to remain entertaining throughout, with the Diva's taking the opportunity to perform under the spotlight with an appreciative crowd, even if they had to work around some questionable booking. 


Here's hoping WWE's WrestleMania season keeps getting better from here, because the Royal Rumble built the foundations, against all the odds, and over the next ten weeks, it's time to build a motherfucking sky scraper on that bitch. I got excited. My bad. Continue with your day. Bye. xoxo