The Worst Title Runs in WWE History

7th November 2017. The day that many people felt they could tune into Smackdown Live once again. After a period of nearly six months as WWE Champion, Jinder Mahal finally dropped the title to AJ Styles in the first ever world title change outside North America in a move that surprised many but relieved. With a random push to the top after years of being a jobber, the return of an infamously bad gimmick match and an almost infamously bad wrestler, to casual racism and xenophobia, it was a truly a reign that will leave a bad taste in fans' mouths for years to come. Despite that, it's not the only time a title reign has completely flopped, so this month I am taking a look at some world title reigns that fell completely flat on their face.

Before I do that, it's important to note what classes as a bad title reign. I'm not talking about reigns that have lasted a day or even five minutes before a Money In The Bank cash in. They didn't last long enough to be good or bad. I'm talking about the reigns that were either a bad idea or poorly executed. So, here we go

Sheamus – WWE Champion (2009-2010)

I'm putting two title reigns together here but do you remember either of them? I didn't think so. This was the start of a trend that became all too common an occurrence in this time period, where people were handed the title when they weren't ready and never really recovered fully. Sheamus debuted on the 26th October and by December he had beaten John Cena to win the WWE Championship, retaining the title by disqualification against Randy Orton at the Royal Rumble before losing it the next month and regaining it again only to defend in multi-man matches and play second fiddle to the Nexus and John Cena storyline. Both these reigns completely destroyed any momentum that he had when joining the roster before he was turned into King Sheamus shortly after. It seems the worst thing that can happen to someone is for WWE to be high on them at times.

Kevin Owens - WWE Universal Champion – (2016/17)

When Kevin Owens won the Universal Championship for the first time on August 29th 2016 by defeating Roman Reigns, Big Cass and Seth Rollins in a fatal four-way match, the internet was awash with excitement. It was something different and it was another one of the indy darlings that have made it. What followed wasn't exactly the greatest few months in the world for the title, with Owens friendship with Chris Jericho taking precedence of a title that was in its infancy. Endless defences against Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins followed, with the reign fittingly ending with a 30 second loss to a 50-year-old Goldberg. Certainly not one of the better ones.

The Rock - WWE Champion (2013)

This one was bad for me for the precedent it set. It was the first time that WWE decided to give the title to someone that wasn't on the full time roster and since then, we've had Brock Lesnar, Triple H and Goldberg all go into each Wrestlemania since with a world title in tow, and Lesnar looks set to do so again next year. This one also stands out like a sore thumb because it saw the end of CM Punk's year long plus reign in order to build to an anticlimatic rematch that nobody wanted to see in Wrestlemania 29's Rock v Cena II, and may very well have been the beginning of the end for everyone's Straight Edge Superstar. I love The Rock, but this wasn't needed.

The Great Khali - World Heavyweight Champion (2007)

If this one doesn't speak for itself, I don't know what does. The problem with this one is that they gave a guy that legitimately cannot work and gave him the championship. Hideous feuds with Rey Mysterio and Batista followed, before it all ended with a whimper when Batista won the title in a triple threat match at No Mercy 2007 after a two month reign. This never needed to happen, and I very much doubt anything like it will again.

Diesel - WWE Champion (1995)

One of two mid-90s selections on the list, this year long title reign has lived in infamy because it took place in the WWE's least ever successful year. Despite having Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels at his disposal, Vince McMahon was determined that Kevin Nash was the next face of the company in 1995 and seemed hell bent on making him so no matter the consequences. Sound familiar? Nevertheless, despite the fact that Diesel was completely stripped of his personality during this run, he wasn't helped by the fact that WWE's roster was extremely thin at this point, and title defences against the likes of Mabel and Sid weren't going to do anyone any favours.

Hulk Hogan - WWE Champion (1993)

Another one that was obviously going to be on the list. After eight years in 1993, it had appeared the WWF had finally moved on from the Hulkamania era in the wake of their steroid trial, with Bret Hart holding the title for eight months prior and set to defend the title against Yokozuna in the main event of Wrestlemania 9, a new generation of superstars were getting a chance to shine. That is, until Hulk Hogan returned to the company and decided he should be champion, randomly winning it out of nowhere by beating new champion Yokozuna in seconds in the main event. It was the icing on the cake to what was certainly one of the lesser Mania's. Despite what I said about The Rock, you could also argue that the precursor nearly 20 years prior, with Hogan not appearing on TV once over the course of his title reign before dropping it to Yokozuna at King of The Ring 1993 and leaving the company altogether.

Rey Mysterio - World Heavyweight Champion (2006)

It was a travesty that Rey Mysterio's first ever world championship reign happened in the circumstances it did, with it being a product of Eddie Guerrero's tragic death in 2006, and the fact that WWE never planned by making him look like a joke afterwards proved it was never what was wanted in the first place. Mysterio looked a pathetic champion week after week and feuded with the likes of Big Show, Mark Henry and The Great Khali before his reign was ended by King Booker at The Great American Bash 2006.

Triple H - World Heavyweight Champion (2003)

Now, I'm actually a big fan of Triple H's but that doesn't take away from the fact that his 280 day title reign in 2003 was mostly awful television. Fresh off the back of the Katie Vick angle only months before, HHH proceeded to have two awful matches with Scott Steiner in the first two PPVs of the year that ended any hopes Big Poppa Pump had of a successful WWE run, before halting Booker T's momentum by defeating him at Wrestlemania 19, taking on his old buddy Kevin Nash and then halting Goldberg's momentum by defeating him in an Elimination Chamber match, whilst injured in 2003. Goldberg eventually ended the run with victory at Unforgiven 2003, but nonetheless, this is a reign that few will remember fondly.

Article by Andy Phillips (@AndyP_GY)

The Best of Times, The Worst of Times…John Cena

I had just turned 20 when John Cena debuted on WWE television, wrestling Kurt Angle on June 27, 2002. Over the next few years, Cena’s ascent was rapid, quickly progressing from promising young talent with a knack for rapping to perennial WWE champion who saluted a lot. As his rise to the top unfolded before my 20-something eyes, it became apparent that I wasn’t his demographic. As a young adult, I just couldn’t embrace the John Cena character. Whilst I never hated him and didn’t boo him with malice at live events (truly no Cena win would have made me consider rioting), I did find myself almost always cheering on his opponents and joining in with the odd round of “Cena Sucks” chants. I acknowledged his good matches but seemed to notice his bad ones more: he had to go some way to secure my approval.

But now, in my 30s, things have changed. I really like John Cena now; hell, my twitter handle pays testament to my change of heart. Part of the reason for my realignment of opinion is age: as a kid I had Hulk Hogan, a living, breathing cartoon character; through my teenage years, I was fed a diet of Stone Cold and The Rock; but my 20s were lacking an iconic figure to attach myself to. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to the Attitude Era so this  All-American golden boy act wasn’t going to cut it. But now, as a father looking forward to taking his kids to live shows, I get the Cena character and see its worth. My generation, who have grown up with the WWE, are ready to embrace this former pariah as we joyfully enter an exclusive class of the Cenation: the parent’s enclosure. My toddler even hums “My Time is Now” whenever he plays with his wrestling figures. Now that’s being over.   

Cena’s recent acceptance by the (bulk of) die-hards is about more than just us growing up and having kids. He has proven himself by forging an undeniable legacy. Not only is he the most over performer on the roster, he is the best all-rounder: his promo work can only touched by The Miz and Paul Heyman and his in-ring credentials have been confirmed by a back catalogue of matches that defy the lazy “you can’t wrestle” chants. He has earned his place as one of the biggest stars in the history of North American wrestling and as he begins to slow down the schedule and go Hollywood, here’s a look at the best, and indeed the worst, of the career of John Cena.

Best Match

vs CM Punk (Money in the Bank 2011)

The atmosphere was electric, the Chicago faithful’s fervent enthusiasm maybe second only to the Calgary crowd at 1997’s Canadian Stampede in terms of the most passionate audiences of all-time. Furthermore, the stakes were as high as in any match of the modern era; the matter of who left with the WWE title that night felt legitimately significant. Of course, the presence of the red hot CM Punk in his hometown was crucial but he couldn’t have created this magic with anyone but Cena. An epic tussle that combined great storytelling with impressive wrestling, Cena may not have executed each move or exchange as smoothly as Punk but it mattered not: this was a thrill ride that has yet to be matched for drama since. 

Honourable mention: vs Umaga (Royal Rumble 2007), vs Brock Lesnar (Extreme Rules 2012). vs Brock Lesnar vs Seth Rollins (Royal Rumble 2015), vs AJ Styles (Royal Rumble 2016)

Worst Match

vs John Laurinaitis (Over the Limit, 2012)

Big match John vs Big Johnny: what could go wrong? Well, everything: the promos building this up were awful, the “action” was the weakest attempt at comedy and the pay-off was the annual Big Show heel turn. Seriously, this contest was so bad that now, years later and with the two brought together by their shared passion of dating Bellas, I hope their post-dinner cigar sessions involve them sheepishly taking time to lament this trash. 

Honourable mention: vs Great Khali (One Night Stand 2007), vs The Miz (Wrestlemania 27).

Best Feud

vs The Rock (2011-13)

I toyed with the idea of Cena vs Punk here; certainly, if Punk were the focus of this piece, I would suggest that his best WWE feud was with Cena. However, Big Match John had a programme of such significance that it could not be ignored: his rivalry with the Great One.

A brilliant two year story was told: it started with The Rock returning to confront Cena over his part-time digs (oh the irony); then there was the run-in at Mania 27 leading to the announcement of the dream match a year in advance; the unlikely tag-team partnership at MSG; the blistering promos in the run-up to Mania 28; the Rock’s dramatic hometown win; Cena’s quest for redemption leading to a Rumble win on the same night the Rock lifted the title; and finally, Rocky returning the favour at Mania 29. Their first bout was decent, their second very good but this will be remembered less for the moves they exchanged and more for the moments they shared on the microphone. Commercially and critically, this was a smash.

Honourable mentions: vs Edge (2006), vs CM Punk (2011-13), vs AJ Styles (2016)

Worst Feud

vs JBL (2008)

The 2005 feud between Cena and JBL was okay: their Mania bout lacked genuine heat but they redeemed themselves with a bloody I Quit match a couple of months later. No real harm done, both men could move on to more fulfilling endeavours as their careers progressed. For a few years at least…

When they went back to the well in 2008, they found it bone dry. They had a boring, pointless match at Judgement Day, fought again at One Night Stand in an underwhelming First Blood match (fake blood klaxon) before finishing this epic waste of everyone’s time at the Great American Bash with a New York City Parking Lot Brawl. That’s right dear reader, the old NYC parking lot gimmick, which fortunately died along with this feud. For the real indicator of how bad this dispute was, consider this: it involved Cryme Tyme.

Honourable mentions: vs Great Khali (2007), vs Big Show (2009/ 2012)

Best Promo

Shooting on Reigns (Raw- 28^th August 2017)

Poor Roman...in a few years I’ll write an article about how unappreciated you are. But right now you occupy a position John knows only too well, that of the heavily pushed main eventer overcast by the shadows of more respected veterans. Back in 2006, ahead of their WrestleMania 22 match, Triple H roasted Cena on Monday Night Raw, mocking his move set and his character with outright glee. Fast forward to 2017 and the roles are reversed with Cena revelling in his role as the proven elder statesmen, daring his younger charge to step up to his level. The promo had exemplary delivery and perfect balance: the right mix of humour and edge and enough kayfabe for the casual fans to compliment the ‘behind the curtains’ references aimed at the smart fan. Some said that Cena went too far and buried Roman here, just as they had claimed Hunter had done 11 years ago. Cena recovered; so too will Roman. This promo achieved its sole purpose- to hype up a big time match that could define the landscape for WWE for the coming year.   

Honourable mention: Promo on Miz and Mayrse (Smackdown- 28^th March 2017)

Worst Promo

Interacting with the fans (Raw- January 21^st 2013)

Cena’s promos are at their worst when the focus is on pandering to the crowd rather than selling a concept, putting comedy over substance. Don’t get me wrong, the man can do funny (see the next pick) but his material (or at least that of the writers) can also bomb big time. This promo, supposedly designed with the purpose of putting over the upcoming Rumble match, saw him interact with fans at ringside, joking about Taylor Swift and video games, rather than promoting possible challengers in said Rumble match. The fact that his performance garnered heat backstage- likely because Cena squandered the opportunity to entice more PPV buyers and thereby lost dollars for the boys - says it all about this below par effort.

Honourable mention: Star Wars promo (Raw- 25^th June March 2012)

Best Film

Trainwreck (2015)

A hit with critics and audiences alike, Cena plays his role perfectly here. As the strongman with equally powerful emotions, he bares all (save for creative use of his towel gimmick) and throws serious shade at Mark Wahlberg, despite Marky Mark basically being his rap/acting sensi. Good work John. Four stars.

Honourable mentions: 12 Rounds (2009), Sisters (2015)

Worst Film

The Marine (2006)

If my opening paragraph, didn’t age me enough for younger readers, try this on for size: over a decade ago, I walked into town to rent this film on DVD from the local Blockbusters. Once you’ve put ‘DVD’ and ‘Blockbusters’ in your Google machine, you’ll fully appreciate the titanic effort I made to watch this back in the strange, alien era of 2006. These efforts were frankly unnecessary, the whole pursuit a needless misadventure as the film sucked. Cena tried too hard, the more experienced actors didn’t try hard enough and there was an unforgivable lack of puns to accompany the underwhelming explosions. One star.

Honourable mentions: Fred 2 (2011), Fred 3 (2012), Anything with Scooby Doo

Article by Sean Taylor-Richardson (@GrownManCenaFan)

PG Tips #1 - Edge apologises to Vickie Guerrero and a Fatal Four-Way for an ECW Championship shot (22-25/07/08)

On 22nd July 2008, WWE's television output went from being rated TV14 to TVPG. 

This series plans to take a week by week look at how the RAW, SmackDown and ECW on Sci-Fi developed under this new rating, as well as the quality of the PPVs. The era hasn't been particularly romanticised, especially by the older generation of fans, but considering that those who were ten years old when WWE turned PG are now old enough to be attending University, it's certainly time to look back and re-evaluate just how good or bad for WWE the shift was in terms of quality. 

This week's edition see's us feature a Fatal Fourway for a shot at the ECW title at SummerSlam and Edge attempt at an apology to Vickie Guerrero following his affair with their wedding planner, Alicia Fox! 

We join the Universe just a few days after the last TV-14 PPV, The Great American Bash 2008/ Just to lend some context, here's the results from that PPV.

This week's trip to the "Land of Extreme" brings us a main event of The Miz, John Morrison, Matt Hardy and Finlay battling it out for a shot at Mark Henry's ECW title, which whilst sounding like an interesting match, makes little sense considering all four men lost on the PPV...but was the show any good?

Mark Henry received a new ECW Championship belt in Philadelphia 

An eventful opening segment to begin the show, as we get a new ECW title belt, a promo from Tony Atlas and Colin Delaney (who Atlas calls "Collars Delaney" for reasons) explaining his heel turn from two days earlier. It's not a good segment by any stretch of the imagination, but there was something persevely entertaining about watching Teddy Long and Atlas stumble through their awkwardly worded promos. Considering the show is in Philadelphia, the home of the original ECW, Atlas gets very little heat for mentioning that fact and then telling the crowd "for all of you all, who tired to hold onto yester year, you're going to get squash". I would've expected the comparisons between the two ECW brands to met with at least some kind of derision, but this crowd is almost completely apathetic towards Atlas and his charge Mark Henry. Perhaps by after two years of WWE's version of ECW the crowd had gone past the point of caring that it bore zero resemblance to the rebellious company that Paul Heyman used to run. However, they do come alive once Colin Delaney starts burying Tommy Dreamer, eating up Delaney's burial, before Long gets a nice pop from announcing we're getting Dreamer v Delaney next! 

• Tommy Dreamer def. Colin Delaney. An almost complete squash match for Dreamer here as he gets his revenge on Delaney with a flurry of offence, before picking up the victory with a Dreamer DDT. 

• Backstage - The Miz and John Morrison are upset about dropping the WWE Tag Team Championships two nights earlier, but both put each other and their clothing over, before shaking hands and wishing each other luck in the main event. 

• Promo - Actress Jenny McCarthy will be at Saturday Night's Main Event on August 2nd, to promote the organisation, Generation Rescue. This was an organisation that advocated that autism was caused by vaccinations, which is total utter trash and should never have been promoted on WWE's television product or anywhere else. 

• Evan Bourne def. James Curtis [KC James]. Bourne looks pretty good here, even if extended squashes for high-flying babyfaces don't really work all too well, we did get to see Bourne landing on his feet out of a snapmare early doors, as well as a rana out of a pop-up from Curtis, before a shooting star press got the three count. Bourne was then able to dodge a post-match attack from Chavo Guerrero and Bam Neeley, who had been on commentary. 

• Backstage - A weird backstage segment where Assistant General Manager Tiffany [Taryn Terrell] told Ricky Ortiz about her education, before Teddy Long placed Ortiz in a match next week after Ortiz had claimed her was undefeated after just one match on the brand. 

Matt Hardy def. The Miz, Finlay and John Morrison to earn an ECW Championship match

Despite a shaky start and some terrible commentary from Mike Adamle, this ended up being a more than competent television main event. The opening played up the partnership between The Miz and Morrison, but lacked any notable action as we got the four repeatedly splitting off into pairs and not a whole lot else. The action in the first third was dull and slow and despite all four men being in the ring for an extended period of time, not much actually happened. However, once the action spills to the outside things begin to pick up, as Morrison and Finlay brawl on the outside, before Miz & Morrison are able to hitting their catapult into a forearm smash and then elbow drop/backbreaker combination using the barricade on the Irish man. After this things are much better, with Miz and Morrison trying for victories on Hardy, whilst trying to outwit each other at the same time, before we get a couple of sequences with all four men involved that are particularly well-done. The finish is a frenzied affair with Finlay nailing Miz with a Shillelagh, before getting knocked to the outside himself with a roundhouse kick from Morrison, leading into Morrison springboarding into a Twist of Fate from Hardy to take us home. Despite the early awkwardness and the lack of any convincing near falls, the last five or six minutes featured some really good TV action and provide us with the first recommended match of the PG Era. 

• In Arena - Mark Henry comes out to the ramp for a stare down with his SummerSlam opponent. 

ATPW Scale Rating - 3.83/10 

A good main event, but beyond that there wasn't much on this episode and it's clear that WWE isn't putting a whole lot of effort into the brand or anyone on it. Colin Delaney cut a strong promo in the opening segment, but was surrounded by bumbling speeches from Teddy Long and Tony Atlas and then had his feud with Tommy Dreamer almost immediately put to bed. The build towards Matt Hardy vs. Mark Henry at SummerSlam begins next week so it shall be interesting to see how that is handled and where the likes of Finlay, John Morrison, The Miz, Evan Bourne, Chavo Guerrero and Tommy Dreamer find themselves fitting onto the hour long show.

The episode aired on 25th July 2008 on the CW Network, having been taped on 22nd July at the Wachovia Center in Philadelphia, Pennsylvannia. The episode included Edge's apology to wife Vickie Guerrero after the previous episode revealed he'd been cheating with wedding planner Alicia Fox and an edition of The VIP Lounge (hosted by Montel Vontavious Porter) with Jeff Hardy, but was it any good? Let's take a look. 

The VIP Lounge with Jeff Hardy

I didn't enjoy this segment at all, but the Philadelphia crowd was massively into both men. The main thrust of it was that MVP was being a massive dick to Jeff Hardy, bringing up his suspensions, issues with drugs and the death of Hardy's dog, Jack, whilst Hardy looked uncomfortable with the content, delivered his lines with very little enthusiasm or believability and looked like he'd rather be anywhere else. Some of the dialogue was terrible here, when MVP bought up Hardy saying in WWE Magazine (remember that?) that he wouldn't get suspended again, Hardy replied with "I wouldn't, I'd be released", which, whilst in line with WWE wellness policy rules, is hardly the most inspiring babyface line. We close with Hardy pushing MVP over and shouting "You make me sick", for reasons I'm not quite sure. They'll both be involved in the "Biggest Blockbuster of the Summer" Battle Royal later on for a shot at Triple H's WWE Championship at SummerSlam. 

• United States Champion Shelton Benjamin def. Jimmy Wang Yang - A swifty victory for the US Champ with Paydirt, after cutting an uninteresting promo.

• A nervous Edge congratulated Curt Hawkins and Zack Ryder on their Tag Team Championship win, before awkwardly looking at his hands for a bit. 

• Festus def. Curt Hawkins - This went under two minutes with Festus winning with a the one man flapjack, before his lame gimmick of going into a vegetative state when the bell rings for a pinfall allowed Hawkins and Zack Ryder to hit a double-team DDT on the Corn-Fed Colossus. 

The Biggest Blockbuster of the Summer Battle Royal for a shot at Triple H's WWE Championship at SummerSlam 

So when I saw the lineup for this battle royal and knowing the time period, I thought this was going to a car crash and it wasn't. Was it a classic? No. But it was well-booked and made the most of its components. We had Mr. Kennedy, The Great Khali, MVP, Umaga, Jeff Hardy and The Big Show; six men who didn't make it onto the Great American Bash card in an unusually thin over-the-top affair. This took away part of the spectacle of a battle royal, but also negated those early stages where a bunch of no hopers are thrown out. The opening portion was kept interesting with a couple of nice spots, like a Poetry in Motion to Khali from Hardy using Kennedy, a Khali and Show face-off being interrupted by a pair of thrust-kicks from Umaga and a Whisper in the Wind from Hardy to Umaga. The match built well towards its conclusion as Hardy eliminated Show by turning a powerbomb into modified hurricanrana that sent the World's Largest Athlete over the top rope, leaving The Charismatic Enigma alone with The Great Khali. The crowd was super hot for Hardy, with Philadelphia desperate to see the underdog overcome, however despite a Swanton Bomb and a low blow to escape a vice grip, Khali picked up the win, dumping Hardy over the top after a Khali Chop. We get a staredown between Khali and Triple H to end the segment and I am already dreading this match. 

• R-Truth is coming to SmackDown soon and we get a package of him in North Carolina talking about his time in prison. Truth had been having dark matches since March, included one before this episode with Sheamus O'Shaunessy.  

• Michelle McCool def. Maryse - Another quick bout as the first ever Diva's Champion picked up a submission victory with a MADT Heel Hook.

• The Brian Kendrick def. Shannon Moore -  A quick promo from Kendrick about his new persona, as he let the roster know that if anyone had a problem with him they should take it up with his bodyguard Ezekiel [Jackson]. This was followed up by Kendrick quickly going over Moore with The Kendrick. 

Hell Hath No Fury Like Vickie Guerrero

Edge and Vickie Guerrero were both brilliant in this segment as Guerrero took revenge for her husband's infidelity by reinstating The Undertaker and placing Edge in a Hell in a Cell Match with the Deadman at SummerSlam. Edge trying to explain away the footage claiming that "No means no, but she wouldn't listen" in regards to Alicia Fox and then explaining he only got involved with Fox in order to make sure the wedding went smoothly was played perfectly by the Rated R Superstar. Edge gets the cowardly cheat act just right, remaining entertaining and getting a couple of laughs, but also being utterly contemptible as a character and someone who you look forward to seeing getting what they deserve. Vickie seemed to relish getting to say something that the crowd would pop for and paced her lines wonderfully getting a huge pop for almost every word that came out of her mouth. The crowd went nuts for The Undertaker coming back, leaving Edge having to let them get on with it whilst looking terrified and trying to come up with a way out of facing his rival again. The segment could have done with a better conclusion as once the announcement has been made there was a lack of a climax or conflict, perhaps just playing Undertaker's music and a few special effects would've rounded off the segment perfectly. 

Finally... 

ATPW Scale Rating - 4.29/10 

Not a terrible episode, but not a great one either. This is pretty much saved by the strength of it's closing segment as Edge and Vickie Guerrero shone in an emotional climax that both played wonderfully, as the opening segment was dire and the Battle Royal was okay. Elsewhere the show was filled with short, inconsequential matches, that did very little for anyone. 

An interesting start to the PG Era as ECW and SmackDown took the leap first. The ECW Four Way main event producing the strongest action of the week, whilst the closing sequence of SmackDown was a great example of the chemistry between Edge and Vickie Guerrero and just why that feud involving the pair and The Undertaker worked so well. Across the three hours there was a lot of talking, with three of the five major segments being promo based and I noticed that the matches were a lot shorter than what we are used to seeing in 2017. When we begin to include next week, a show that is known to include more talking and entertainment segments, it will interesting to compare that to what the other two brands were offering, as the company moves away from the adult and teen orientated programming that caused it's late nineties boom and more towards the family and children market. 

Next week - RAW features a Tag Team main event pitting John Cena & Batista against John "Bradshaw" Layfield and Kane, ECW sees John Morrison and The Miz take on Finlay & Hornswoggle, SmackDown features a classic segment between Edge and Mick Foley, before the Rated R Superstar faces off with one of his signature foes, Jeff Hardy, on the final Saturday Night's Main Event.

Opinion: The Problem With Gimmick Matches or How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria? By Putting Her In A Punjabi Prison Match

In the past few weeks, WWE Monday Night RAW has had very few real surprises but there has been one unexpected return. We all knew that really they wouldn't stay away forever, I mean it was never really retirement, was it? It was just waiting for the right time to return, waiting for the moment when all hope was lost and they could bring some back. When they could bring some inspiration to our dark, callous hearts and show us that true sincere joy can still be found in a world so cold and lonely. I am, of course, talking about the surprise return of the Arm Wrestling match in a scintillating ****** (yes, that is six stars. Count 'em) classic full of surprising twists and turns and gut-wrenching performances by Bayley and Dana Brooke, it is sure to go down in WWE history as one of the greatest arm wrestling matches the company has produced. Up there with Mark Henry v Cesaro, Mark Henry v Kane, Mark Henry v Rusev, Mark Henry v Sheamus and of course, the high watermark of this classic match type, Darren Young v Byron Saxton (Young sure earned his redemption points for that one).

Whilst he was not involved that art-pop classic, Henry is clearly shown to be the possible poster boy for World Arm Wrestling Entertainment should the company choose to take that further, which they should I mean, don't you want to print money, Vince? But he's not the only wrestler to be synonymous with match types. Obviously there's the big names like The Undertaker and Hell in a Cell (which was just a couple of Sundays ago. Coincidence, I know), Kane and Inferno matches, Santina Marella and Divas Invitational Battle Royal but did you know about Raven and his Clockwork Orange House of Fun match? Maybe you did but did you know that the first ever match had a rule that you had to push of your opponent through two tables from the Raven's perch? And did you know the second ever one didn't even involve Raven but was between Shane Douglas and CM Punk? Well you do now. Today we're going to look at a few of my least favourite gimmicks, this won't be a comprehensive list by any stretch of the imagination. It's more a reminder that while you spend your time complaining about having to watch three Hell in a Cell matches, you can know how much worse you could have been having it.

Really to look at gimmick matches as a whole, we have to look at why they happen. There's a simple theoretical reason and that's that a story can't be the same one beat repeated ad nauseum, because this isn't 2K career mode, a rivalry isn't formed of one person having a one-on-one match with another twelve times then being like good game, let's go beat up other people. The storied rivalries of wrestling history bring in different types of matches to vary proceedings - blood feud about two people wanting to kick the tar out of each other? Give them a Last Man Standing match, does one tag team keep using untagged partner hijinks, have it climax with a Tornado Tag, you get the idea. In many ways, adding a gimmick match is a crutch. If you're trying to raise the stakes of a scenario but the natural progression of the story is slower than you'd like, simply by throwing in a steel structure, you've given the last act a bigger finale even if it's an inorganic one. I'm not saying every tale told in the ring should have to end with a standard match but in a perfect world, the writing would hold up enough that the feud between the two (or more) parties involved would run deep enough that you wouldn't need to add to it, it's emotional shorthand, a way of visibly adding to a confrontation that you'd hope would feel enough without it. I'm not saying that every match with a gimmick doesn't need it but boy, there's a lot of them that don't.

Which brings me neatly to the Punjabi Prison Match, an entire development of the HiaC that never needed to be. Quite appropriately, this is a match-type developed for real-life killer and actually not quite Punjabi, The Great Khali. Feel free to look it up, he's from Himachal Pradesh province which borders Punjab. Also quite appropriately, he wasn't even in the first one at The Great American Bash in 2006 after he developed all of the enzymes in his liver so some bollocks with Teddy Long was written in to make The Big Show face The Undertaker instead. Khali would eventually compete in his own match a year later but he would lose to Batista making the whole thing feel silly, I mean why bother building the whole match type for him to lose it. That said, he was at an unfair advantage as he had to climb out of the structure and Khali was never exactly known for actually being able to leave the ground, especially at speed! So the two matches revolve around locking two big lads in a bamboo cell which has doors that can be opened once per match for sixty seconds then, around it is another bamboo cage that has no doors that they have to climb out of. Much like in prison, where you have to escape by climbing or where there are leather straps for torture, like in prison. I haven't been in a Punjabi Prison or any kind of Prison but clearly Michael Cole has because he talks about being in Prison with such confidence. My first thought watching this is "boy, this must have been difficult to watch for the audience in the Conseco Fieldhouse, Indiana. Not in the way that it's difficult to watch Zandig matches because he's about to die at any second in the ring but because there are thick bamboo pieces surrounding the ring, then more bamboo around that. Somewhere in the middle of all this are two blobs that may resemble The Big Show and The Undertaker from certain angles if you squint hard enough." It's a hard thing to explain because the first match of the two is technically better because at least both Show and Taker know how to move like people but thematically the second one makes more sense because Khali actually appears inside the structure.

The actual structure just, quite appropriately, ruins the structure of the match, it prevent actual storytelling because the simplicity of the HiaC match is that it's just a No DQs match but with a big lump of steel around the ring. The Cell, while used as a weapon, more just represents an enclosing of the story to one area, it (in theory) keeps both competitors in and interlopers out but focuses in the match to the competitors, it forces the story to focus on the athletes. The Punjabi Prison match is more about the prison than the two men in it. Even the commentary talks more about the 'steel reinforced bamboo' than it does about Khali or Batista or Taker or Show. The gimmick is just window dressing, it is a way of adding variation to a story but it is not a story in itself. This is not a film, the Punjabi Prison is not New York, becoming an extra character in the story. It's a mistake that's being made over on RAW at the moment with the focus of the Banks-Charlotte storyline being on women stepping into the Cell for the first time and not who the women are and why they hate each other. Wrestling is characters, not events and that is where the Punjabi Prison went wrong. Also the two matches are fucking piss-piles, that doesn't help.

From one very silly structure we go to a mental multi-man match. Now there were many I could have focused on here: the three ring sixty man clustershambles that is WCW's World War Three Match, the 'boy I hope you feel uncomfortable' histrionics of WWE's Fulfill your Fantasy, and the WSX Rumble, one day, I will write more about Wrestling Society X but for now, just don't ask. But there could only be one worst: TNA's Reverse Battle Royal - the only match type to call itself a reverse and then include the actual thing it's meant to be the reverse of in itself. So a Reverse Battle Royal involves sixteen men standing outside the ring and fighting to climb back in, the first eight that make it inside then try and knock each other over the top rope till there are only two left at which point it becomes a standard singles match. In other words, it's a round of bullshit followed by a second round of bullshit with a bullshit finale to finish. You know how the Royal Rumble at its best weaves micro-stories through its main ones, it builds rivalries afterwards but also has literal through-line narratives of its own, well the reverse battle royal just has lots of not quite ring entrances. There's a reason that it only happened twice because I think something clicked that they realised 'wait, is this really bloody stupid?' But then again, they also made The Dixieland -Escape the cage, run to the top of the entrance ramp and climb a ladder match.

Like all terrible gimmick matches, it's main issue rests with its lack of clarity. What I was saying about the Punjabi Prison match, at least that had a clear means of victory, a clear aim, the Reverse Battle Royal just strands its almost ridiculous amount of talent in the middle of a constantly shifting form of rules. To be a fan of wrestling, you have to be willing to accept some frequently ridiculous contrivances but even the most ardent suspender of disbelief will be hard pushed not question why they don't all just immediately try to climb in? It seems like it was a match idea contrived purely to try and be different. I am not opposed to invention, what I am opposed to is forgetting what the aim of the entire endeavour was. Especially with the second one (the first one seems to have been quite successfully buried in terms of available online footage), the match only really comes alive once we get down to the singles match which begs the question, why not just do a standard battle royal if this was all just a way of furthering a feud between Bobby Roode and Eric Young? Why do you have to try and sell a new match type instead of just telling a story? There are reasons that very few new match types catch on and that's because once a winning formula is found, the easiest thing to do is repeat it, trying something new is difficult. There's a reason why so much that's new fails, but the main issue is not thinking it out properly. When your performers are standing around looking confused, how can you expect an audience to get it?

All this taken into consideration, every so often, something really stupid makes something really beautiful. For the last match gimmick of the night I'd like to take you back to the Halcyon days of NXT Redemption. Tyson Kidd and Yoshi Tatsu were engaged in a feud over the leg of Yoshi Tatsu's action figure that he kept in a shrine and prayed to for luck in matches. They were drawn one match each in their feud but Kidd still had Tatsu's figure's leg on a necklace so the Rubber Match was booked Tatsu v Kidd: necklace on a Pole match. Now 'On a Pole' matches as a whole are usually terrible, especially when combined with the words 'Vince Russo', they just seem like a ridiculous match-type once again begging, the question 'what would happen if you just knocked the pole?' But Tatsu and Kidd made art. It made so much sense that this necklace would be on a pole because it was a feud over a necklace with Tatsu's leg on it, albeit in a tiny plastic form. Tatsu wasn't just fighting for his action figure's body part but the very honour that was represented in being made into an action figure. Kidd was just doing it because he thought shrines were silly and he's a magnificent bastard heel. 

You may have noticed I've been mostly picking on matches that involve a lot of climbing and you know why? Because climbing is not interesting to watch, it's up there with rest holds and Mojo Rawley on the list of tedious elements of pro-wrestling. It's hard to describe what made this one match special, it wasn't that the two men were better than those who'd come before, it wasn't even that it was less silly (than for instance, the Shane Dougas v Billy Kidman in a Viagra on a Pole match), I think it was a commitment to the strange alt-universe in which this kind of match made sense. Frankly writing this, I'm now surprised and disappointed that Killshot (Shane Strickland) and Marty Martinez's Weapons of Mass Destruction Match didn't have Killshot's dogtags on a pole because that would have been perfect. Maybe what I'm saying is that sometimes, a really stupid gimmick can be overwhelmed by sheer commitment to it. Like how Kota Ibushi can wrestle a sex doll and make it more compelling for twenty minutes than anyone to. But what Kidd and Tatsu did was take a gimmick and make it part of the story, instead of the gimmick being the story. Just consider that with Hell in a Cell, the cell is just another storytelling device and ask yourself 'would this match work if there wasn't a Cell here?' 

But honestly, if you take one thing away from this article, it's that we were robbed of a second season of Wrestling Society X. Robbed, I say!

Words - Jozef Raczka (@NotJozefRaczka)

Images - James Marston (@IAmNotAlanDale)

Editor - James Marston (@IAmNotAlanDale) 

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