Opinion: Every Minus Five Star Match according to The Wrestling Observer Newsletter or This Is Not The Worst Wrestling Article in the World, This Is Just A Tribute.

What makes a minus five star match, a minus five star match? On Dave Meltzer's scale, we can go all the way from the full five stars, through DUD into a minus five star, taking in quarter and half stars along the way, it's a faintly clumsy, unwieldy system (in that way, you could say it's like the title of this article) but it's one that works. I began thinking about this when recently a match at this year's BOLA between The Young Bucks & Adam Cole vs Ricochet, Will Ospreay & Matt Sydal got the full *****. This marks the first five for these performers to the best of my research but also, the first for PWG. It got me to thinking about the flipside of this match, the legendary Los Villainos vs Psycho Circus from last year's Triplemania, the only trios tag match to receive the menos cinco. Appropriately, there are but five matches to receive the -***** rating, I thought I'd take a look back at them and try to see if I can work out, what makes them truly, the worst.

First up we have Moondog Spot taking on Junkyard Dog in the second round of 1985's WWF Wrestling Classic. Moondog throws punches as soon as Junkdog gets in the ring, Moondog pulls off a jumping fist to the chest, climbs to the second turnbuckle, fall on his face, Junkdog headbutts him twice from his all fours position, stands up, does another headbutt and then falls on Moondog and counts his own pinfall. I thought I'd just write this out because it lasts forty-six seconds. It's not even the shortest match of the PPV (that honour goes to Dynamite Kid who dropkicks Ivan Putski as he sings the National Anthem for a three count) but boy is it somehow the sloppiest even in that short time. In the battle of these two dogs, it would seem, from this writer's POV that being one of having never seen either of these two men compete before, it would appear that in wrestling logic, Junkyard Dog's head is made of pure steel because three light head taps was apparently enough to just about kill Moondog. This is an odd one for the start of the list because yes it's dreadful, it has no story, no heel or face dynamics and no impressive performances and the ending makes no sense because if the ref isn't in the ring, why not wait for him, timekeeper? Just wait for him to get in the ring, I can only deduce that the issue with this is that it's nothing, it is literally a nothing match which does nothing for either men. There's nothing to say about it, so I'm not going to say anything more. Moving on...

...To Mr.T at Wrestlemania, no not the serviceable tag match from WM but Wrestlemania II's boxing match with 'Rowdy' Roddy Piper. Thirteen minutes. Thirteen minutes this match takes before in the fourth round, the ref takes a bump, Pipes goes for a bodyslam and some ground n' pound and gets disqualified. Thirteen minutes this goes on before we don't even get a proper ending. The worst part is, this isn't a boxing match, it's not a wrestling match, frankly, what the fuck is it? At least the battle of the dogs had the decency to be a rubbish forty-six seconds. I don't entirely know what to say here as they try to pretend that this is a real boxing match, which is fine in concept but neither men seem willing to put any conviction behind their punches. We're watching two men fail to act like they give a shit for a crowd who would prefer to just watch King Kong Bundy competitively sweat (ComSweatative?) against Hulk Hogan. It's not even a satisfying end to a story, it ends with the two men being pulled apart, trying to brawl to each other and then just leaving. Pipes is a legend of course, very few men from his era have been more deserving of a WWE World Title run and never had one but this was just filler, toxic celebrity ego stroking that tries to write in a wrestling ending to a boxing match and as a result ends up failing on all accounts. It could have worked but it didn't. Actually, maybe that's being too polite.

So our next stop on this magical train through shitland is WCW/NwO Halloween Havoc 1998 (which if you'd like to read more on, subtle plug here) with The [Ultimate] Warrior taking on Hollywood Hulk Hogan. Now the immediate problem with this match is that you have to compare it to the minor masterpiece that these two men pulled off at Wrestlemania 6. Actually comparing those two is unfair, if Wrestlemania 6 was Elvis Live in Hawaii, this was Pop Idol winner Steve Brookstein down his local pub reliving past glories but failing to remind anyone why they loved them in the first place. Neither Hogan nor Warrior are able to in any way go like they used to (debatably they never even could but that's a debate for another day) and watching wrestling's most infamous porn tape take on sport's entertainment's highest profile homophobic blogger try and relive such famous spots as 'dueling bodyslams', 'running the ropes' and 'punching' at half speed is not a pleasurable experience. And just when you thought the match was getting dull, the over-booking starts: this match features interference from The Giant (Big Show), Stevie Ray, Vincent, Horace Hogan and Eric Bischoff who straight up grabs the ref and chokes him but the ref doesn't consider this a DQ but then he also ignores a blatant lowblow from Hogan and oh yeah, Hogan setting his bloody face on fire (actually a tad inaccurate, his face on,y gets bloody from setting it on fire). The main issue with this match is the bad taste in your mouth from how clear it is that they brought back the melting waxworks of Warrior and Hogan to duke it out, just so Hogan could have the ego trip of being 1-1 with Warrior but here's the thing: their original fight, while to someone of modern wrestling sensibilities is ridiculously slow, is full of simple storytelling and easy symbolism of torch passing, this one is so ridiculous it literally has the torch blow up in Hogan's face. Of the three matches so far, this one is easily the most deserving of its full -***** rating.

If you know anything about bad wrestling, you had to know, we'd eventually get something from 1999's Heroes of Wrestling. The entire PPV is full of bad matches, weird, sloppy finishes and only one man looking like he's having fun and that's Jake Roberts and he's only having fun because he's at peak drunk. So the match that Meltzer Driver deemed the worst on this particular PPV is the Bushwhackers vs Nikolai Volkoff & The Iron Sheik a match in which a Croatian masquerading as a Russian and an Iranian get 'USA' chanted at them for ten minutes as they fight two New Zealanders. In sticking with the -***** tradition, this is a limited offense match. There's forearms, elbows, headbutts and clotheslines. At one point Sheiky baby locks in something approaching a Camel Clutch to add variation. I should give credit to The Iron Sheik actually, he comes the closest to delivering a performance in this match, especially in a stunning sequence where he threatens to leave the match if the crowd don't stop chanting USA, only to decide to come back just before they get counted out. The heels! This match is of interest as time-wise, it's so close to the WWF reunion of the four men at Wrestlemania 17's Gimmick Battle Royal (because the gimmicks and the battle royal rules are 'over the top'. Geddit?) but whereas that was played for laughs, this one isn't even really played. At one point Dutch Mantel on sedated commentary says words to the effect of 'the referee doesn't seem to have seen Volkoff tag in but I don't think he cares'. He's not alone, a dreadful match but one that frankly, if you expected anything other than detritus from this PPV, you really are an unstoppable optimist.

Our final match (luckily) is from Mexican promotion AAA and last year's Triplémania XXIII where Los Villainos (Villaino III, IV and V) took on the Psycho Circus (Murder, Monster and Psycho Clown). The first question I have about this match is what did Hugo Savinovich think about it? We never got to find out because shortly after the match started, his mic cut out and was replaced with a horrendous fucking buzzing noise (the one good piece of commentary Matt Striker provides is suggesting people imagine he's calling a Killer Bees match. A bad joke but y'know, you take what you can get). You know what everyone loves about trios matches: fast paced action, big high-flying spots, technicos in peril from those dastardly rudos cutting off the ring, well instead here we get some half-speed weak slapping, a few sloppy to reckless looking suicide dives and umm, so which team were we meant to cheer for? Was it you, Murder Clown? Were you the hero we dreamt of as a child, Murder Clown? So the crowd are cheering for both the villains and the psycho clowns so I can only deduce that this is like The Undertaker if he took on Sting, they could try and heel it up but no one wouldn't cheer them. Still, this match does have one nearly functioning dungeon of doom spot till you realise that oh yeah, the clowns are actually powerbombing the two villainos holding the third clown, they're trying to murder murder clown (or is it monster? I didn't keep track) so the match eventually ends after one of the clowns goes for the least convincing chair work this side of Horace Hogan (thank you to Matt Striker for pointing out that it was a chair and that we probably knew that. He's a quick one that Matt Striker) but gets distracted by his respect for Villaino III stops him being able to pin him leading to him getting clumsily rolled up. So I do want to use this time to ask everyone - top rope falling headbutts, has anyone apart from Rey Mysterio ever made them look like anything other than them falling and twatting themself on the ring? It looks especially sloppy when you actually miss the other person and the camera angle needs to cover your shit, Mr.Clown. Put simply, this match is a fucking mess but it's almost a beautiful one, of the five matches here, this is the only one I would watch again. If The Final Deletion was the Sharknado of wrestling, all knowing winks to so bad it's good culture (and no, Delete or Decay was not the Sharknado 2: The Second One of wrestling, Sharknado 2 had a cameo from Kurt Angle, Delete or Decay had Joseph Parks) then this match is feasibly the 1959 Santa Claus movie where Mexican Santa and Merlin fight the devil from Santa's spaceship. It's campy, ridiculous, goes on for a bit too long but is occasionally so utterly tone deaf and so bizarre that it becomes oddly fascinating, not necessarily good (definitely not good) but certainly interesting, and for that reason I disagree with Big Dave and give this *****. Just kidding, it's really fucking bad.

So are these the five worst matches I've ever seen (Really with Mr. T vs Pipes, the question is 'was that a match'?)? I mean they are all undeniably awful but it's hard to really see if these are the five worst I've ever seen, I don't know. But is a -***** even a negative thing? On the surface yes, but there are only five -***** matches, at the time of writing there has been eighty-one ***** matches, so really it's in its own way, more prestigious to wrestle a shitsterpiece than a masterpiece. In my exploration of the backside of the wrestling scale, I don't know if I've learnt what makes a -***** worthy of such damnation, what makes it so much worse than a -**** for instance? I still don't know but here's the thing, none of these matches are worthy of anything less than our complete contempt, sure there have probably actually been worse displays of wrestling than these but for what they represent, it makes sense to keep them as the reminders to all bookers - your match could be next. Don't book matches if you don't think they matter, don't try and make people give a shit about fake boxing, don't try to relive past glories if you were possibly approaching past it when you were living them and just don't watch Heroes of Wrestling. So what makes a -***** match? There's a lot of bad wrestling out there but something stood out that made these special. Maybe what we should take away that just because a journalist thinks something, doesn't make it fact (no, that would mean I don't matter and that can't be true) or maybe we should just take it that Dave Meltzer shouldn't have to represent everyone. If he likes a match, that's fine, if he doesn't and you did, it doesn't mean you can't like that, maybe you wanted to watch The New Day drink piss jugs with Jon Stewart, but just be prepared for someone to disagree with you. I want there to be some deeper meaning to this article than 'I dunno maybe some matches are just always going to suck' but really that's all I've got. A really unsatisfying conclusion to an article about matches with weak endings, it's almost like I planned this all along. I didn't.

Words - Jozef Raczka 
Images - James Marston & Jozef Raczka 
Editor - James Marston

WWE All Star Search #7 - Wrestlemania 1 - Adam Ross

Hello Turnbucklers! So we've made it here after trawling through 1984, Wrestlemania 1. Shown on CCTV it was a huge risk for WWE but I think it's safe to say it paid off. This is a big card with a big main event so it'll be intriguing to see how the rest of the card matches up. Before we get there, let's do a summary of what I've learnt so far. The most over superstar is by far Hulk Hogan. His pops are so much bigger than everyone elses its surreal. Tito Santana, Andre the Giant and Sgt Slaughter have been also getting strong crowd reactions. On the heel side, number 1 has to Roddy Piper. The heat he's gained in a year its amazing! Greg Valentine is another who has impressed me so far, always bringing out consistently decent matches. Most suprising superstar for me so far has been The Iron Sheik, I actually look forward to his matches now. Iron Mike Sharpe is most underrated so far in my opinion. As a jobber he stands out from the crowd. Worst wrestlers so far? My least favourite at least are the Wild Samoans, whether they're the worst is a personal opinion though. Too many headbutts and no sells for my liking. Quick shoutout to Terry Daniels too...and his armbar. Anyway...let's do this!

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The Card:

Tito Santana vs The Executioner

King Kong Bundy vs SD Jones

Ricky Steamboat vs Matt Borne

David Sammartino vs Brutus Beefcake

The Junkyard Dog vs Greg Valentine (IC Champ) [IC Title Match]

The Iron Sheik/Nikolai Volkoff vs The US Express (Tag Team Champs) [Tag Team Title Match]

Andre the Giant vs Big John Studd (Bodyslam Challenge)

Wendi Richter vs Leilani Kai (Womens Champ) [Womens Title Match]

Hulk Hogan/Mr T vs Roddy Piper/Paul Orndorff

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The Show:

Here we go then! We kick off with some funky music while screenshots of the match-ups and celebrities flashing by. Our commentary team is Gorilla Monsoon AND JESSE VENTURA! I've been waiting for this team, my second all time favourite pairing on commentary. Fink welcomes us to Wrestlemania and he gets a big pop. I guess the crowd knew this was a special event from the beginning. Mean Gene Okerlund butchers the American National Anthem for us but gets a BIG reaction. To be fair, he really had fun being the one to sing it.

Into the back with Lord Alfred Hayes who's wearing a lovely cream number. He seems strangely nervous in front of the camera and hypes up 'WrestlingMania'.

Mean Gene is with Tito Santana who says no one is going to stop him...and that means you Executioner! Ariba! As soon as Tito buggers off, Executioner appears to tell Tito he's going for his leg...and nothing else. Talk about giving the game plan away.

Tito Santana vs The Executioner

Executioner in the ring first and he's announced as being unknown...in anything. Big pop for Tito as he comes out. Can't understand why Tito is opening Wrestlemania against the Executioner. Had he had a more formidable or at least established opponent, Tito would've been a perfect opening attraction but not with the Executioner. I should point out that Executioner is Buddy Rose under a mask. The crowd is hot in the beginning as Tito holds Cutioner at bay with dropkicks. Tito maintains control throughout the match although Cutioner does gets some basic offense in. Cutioner does what he promised and aims for the legs but Tito fights back. Executioner looks a little off balance while on the offense. Cutioner goes up top but Santana counters into a slam. He goes for a splash but eats nothing but raised legs. Cutioner works on the legs again but Tito sends Cutioner onto the outside. Flying Jalepeno for Santana, Figure Four and that's all she wrote for Cutioner as Santana wins! Better than I thought it would be and that's including the fact it didn't last long. Crowd loved Tito and Executioner was the standard big man opponent needed to emphasize Santana's normal routine. Match Rating: *1/2

Into the back with a nervous Lord Al who sends us to Mean Gene and SD Jones. Jones has the best voice/accent I've heard yet. He says he's ready. He leaves and King Kong Bundy and Jimmy Hart come in and tell SD Jones to expect to eat a 5 count tonight.

King Kong Bundy vs SD Jones

Big boo's for Bundy which is good considering he's not done much in his run so far apart from squash jobbers. Match goes as follows...Strikes by Bundy, bearhug into the corner, splash in the corner, Jones goes down, eats another splash on the mat...5 count. Bundy wins. As far as squash matches go, this one is relevant and has use to it. Bundy looked like a monster in front of his biggest audience yet. A good way to set the tone over the next year. What the main problem here is the match is announced as a new match length record at 9 seconds...although anyone with a concept of time will understand how wrong that time is. Pointless lie that made WWE look silly for trying. Match Rating: DUD

Into the back with Mean Gene who's with Matt Borne...son of Tough Tony Borne. He puts over Steamboat but says he's too nice of a guy and that's why Borne will win. He leaves and Steamboat appears. He hypes Wrestlemania and says he's here to develop the 'meanness' he's lacking. Arib....wait, no, wrong babyface.

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Ricky Steamboat vs Matt Borne

Not the biggest reaction for Steamboat but I think the crowd have settled slightly. It starts off at a quick pace with Steamboat getting some leapfrogs in before nailing Borne with a chop to the throat. Borne goes for a couple of side suplexes but Steamboat escapes both and nails a delayed atomic drop and shows a little personality in doing so. Reverse atomic drop by Borne puts him in control. It doesn't last long as Steamboat replies with chops and a headlock. Borne with a nice belly to belly suplex followed by a standard suplex. Steamboat fights back, nails another suplex, hits a nice neckbreaker and Steamboat is firmly in control. Steamboat goes up top, nails a flying cross body and gets the 3 count! One of the better, quick matches I've seen in this blog so far. Steamboat looked good here but was no where near the superstar we look back fondly at. Steamboats style and popularity really leave very little for Jimmy Snuka to come back to as at this point, there were so many similarities between the two. Match Rating: **

Into the back with Lord Al, who runs down the next match. We even see Beefcake heading to the ring in the background.

Mean Gene is in the back with the Sammartino's who give us some fighting talk. They leave and are instantly replaced by Beefcake and Valiant. Valiant does all the talking but he sounds like he's trying to fit a years worth of talking into one promo. Beefcake then gets stage fright and has to be bailed out by Valiant. That was incredibly awkward but surely Beefcake would be prepared!

David Sammartino vs Brutus Beefcake

Out of all the matches on the card, this one was the one I was least looking forward too. David Sammartino is the definition of a superstar lacking X Factor and Beefcake at this point was as dull as the Bury Times. David is with dad, Bruno who gets a great reaction from the crowd and Beefer is with Johnny Valiant who is quite similar to Freddie Blassie. The heels stall forever until we get a lock up, but nothing happens. We get a Beefcake strut but its all for nothing as Sammartino controls with his basic offence. We get long headlocks by both and this is getting painfully boring. Eventually, Valiant gets involved on the outside, which draws in daddy Bruno and the whole thing is thrown for a double-DQ. No one looked good in this although Bruno got big cheers. It should have been a tag match between the four men out there. Match Rating: 3/4*

The Junkyard Dog vs Greg Valentine (IC Champ) [IC Title Match]

JYD gets himself a title shot already on the WWE's biggest show to date. It seems a bit strange considering Santana was in the opener after feuding with Hammer for the past year. Steamboat would've been a better choice in this one and JYD could've fought Borne. Hammer of course is out with Jimmy Hart. JYD controls to start and Hammer tries to get a breather. He does get the briefest of offense in before JYD hits his canine-headbutts and Hammer bails outside. Hammer uses heely tactics when he gets back in to take control and works over the leg of JYD. He goes for a figure four but it gets countered. JYD nails some more headbutts and Valentine timbers to the mat. Jimmy Hart tries to get involved but heel miscommunication leads to a nasty fall to the outside by Hart. Seriously, I think it gave him a bad concussion. A bit of back and forth before Hammer goes for the rollup. It looks like he's won but Tito Santana comes down and convinces the referee that he cheated...so we continue! Bwah?! Hammer says fuck that and loses via countout. What a ridiculous finish to a pretty poor match. Both men's popularity saved this one from being really bad. Match Rating: *1/4

Into the back with Mean Gene who's with Blassie, Sheik and Volkoff. They ramble incoherently until the US Express and Albano replace them. They say that they're heading to the ring.....which they're clearly not.

The Iron Sheik/Nikolai Volkoff vs The US Express (Tag Team Champs) [Tag Team Title Match]

NOW they're heading to the ring. Big boo's for the foreigners and massive cheers for the US Express. Big shock there. Volkoff does his pre-match singing and then we get under way. The US Express are Mike Rotundo and Barry Windham who won the titles a few months earlier from Murdoch and Adonis. Rotundo and Sheik start us off with Rotundo getting the advantage with hiptosses and slams. Windham gets a shot in before he gets the tag and follows up with a shot from the top rope. The heels try and gain control but heel miscommunication on their part means Volkoff eats a Sheik dropkick. Sheik apologizes and Volkoff comes in...but finds himself in a headlock. A couple of one counts and eventually the heels take control. Sheik nails an elbow for 2 and follows up with a lovely side suplex. He tries for a standard suplex but Rotundo counters into one of his own. Volkoff in but quickly finds himself in a hammerlock before eating a sunset flip. Volkoff regains control, Sheik back in who locks on an abdominal stretch. He eventually escapes and makes the hot tag to Windham. Rotundo takes Sheik to the floor but doesn't keep an eye on him. Windham and Volkoff brawl until Sheik nails Windham in the noodle with Blassies cane behind the ref's back and that gets the win and we have new tag champs! A bit of a suprise considering the US Express were over huge and the foreigners were no where near in comparison. I can't see this title reign being a long one but lets see. Match was actually a good'n I think. Rotundo was a good face in peril and the foreigners had enough heat on them to really make it work.Match Rating: **1/4

Into the back with Mean Gene who's with the new Tag Champs. They say they proved themselves and that Russian and Arab countries are the best. That escalated quickly.

Still in the back and Mean Gene is joined with Heenan and Studd. Heenan is great here as he tells Gene to keep his hands to himself and tells Andre to look forward to retirement.

Andre the Giant vs Big John Studd (Bodyslam Challenge)

This is Studd's $15,000 vs Andre's career...which hardly seems balanced. In fact, Andre comes out with a massive Donny Osmond smile on his face so I don't really feel like he's about to become unemployed. Studd of course is with Bobby 'the Brain' Heenan. Studd tries to get the early advantage but it doesn't quite work and he finds himself reeling on the outside. Back in and Andre does his chokes in the corner...which is a high spot for him...and then uses his arse to his advantage. Studd fights back, tries to slam Andre but it fails. Andre with a bearhug, which I thought was a heel's hold. Studd bites his way out of it but soon finds himself in a headlock. Studd goes for a boot, countered...and he eats a slam shortly after. Andre wins! He gets his bag of money to throw to the crowd but Heenan knicks it back. Glorified squash match I'm afraid but Studd was never going to win this. What's worse is the fact neither man could move very well. Match Rating: DUD

Into the back where Mean Gene is with Andre who cuts a barely understandable promo about his win. I wish I could tell you what he said but he sounded like a bath being unplugged.

Still in the back with Lauper and Richter who tells Shmoolah and Lani Kai to watch out! Richter yells that she's ready and sounds like an utter hick in the process. They are replaced by Moolah and Kai, where by Moolah shows off her new glasses and Kai says...watch out!

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Wendi Richter vs Leilani Kai (Womens Champ) [Womens Title Match]

At the War to Settle the Score, Moolah cost Richter the title to Leilani Kai. Cyndi Lauper is still with Richter and Moolah is with Kai. I'm not going to dwell too much on this one because it was utterly a stinker. Lots of slow back and forth with hair pulling added here and there. Kai tries for a gutwrench suplex but the women botch it and have to salvage it into a pinning attempt. Moolah tries to get involved but Lauper stops her to a big pop. More back and forth until Kai goes for a crossbody off the top but a horrific looking roll through gets the win and the title for Richter. Let the cringeworthy celebratory dancing begin! At this point, all the hype the women's division had developed was starting to disappear now. Unfortunately the female wrestlers involved couldn't hold up their end of the deal so to speak. Not much more Lauper can do for them. Match Rating: DUD

In the back, Mean Gene is with the new champ and Lauper. They're both very happy and Richter still yells and sounds like an utter hick.

Hulk Hogan/Mr T vs Roddy Piper/Paul Orndorff

It's main event time! So here we have...Billy Martin (who has no relevance outside the USA) as ring announcer, Pat Patterson as the ref (just for a paycheck I presume), Liberace as ringbell dude (with added effeminate bell) and of course, Muhammed Ali as special enforcer. Ali gets a huge pop and every other celebrity is quickly forgotten. Piper and Orndorff's entrance is epic as they come out with the bagpipe band. Cowboy Bob Orton plus his cast are with them. We get the now well-known visual of Mr T and Hogan ready to head to the ring...and here they come! Massive pop and my version has Eye of the Tiger to make it just that little bit better! Jimmy Snuka is with the faces in this one. Everyone, plus myself, is hyped up for this. Orndorff and Hogan start...or so it looks but Piper begs to start with Hogan...and then Mr T wants to start with Piper. They lock up and trade strikes with Piper getting a brief advantage before T nails him with a firemans's carry! This draws all 6 men in the ring for a big shmoz until Ali comes in and sends Piper outside. The heels then try to walk out but the faces don't let them. The heels charge the ring but eat a double noggin-knocker, some Hogan offence and then a second double noggin-knocker. Hogan nails an atomic drop on Piper and tags in T. T hits a cool double clothesline and slams Piper to the mat followed by a hiptoss on Orndorff. Nice and the crowd love it! Hogan back in for sends Piper to the outside but gets beaten on Orndorff which sends Hogan outside also. Piper with a chairshot to the back on Hogan but no DQ. The heels can finally take control of the match as they work over Hogan. Orndorff comes in and nails a lovely suplex on Hogan. After more heel tags in and out, Orndorff hits a lovely backbreaker on Hogan but misses an elbow drop which allows T to come back in to huge noise! He wails away on Orndorff but not for long thanks to Piper. Its not long before Hogan makes his way back in for a third double noggin-knocker! Orndorff manages to get in a lovely side suplex while Piper manages to distract the ref. This also means Orton can involve himself but Snuka tries to stop him. In the resulting shmoz between everyone, Orton manages to nails Orndorff with his cats accidentally and that gives Hogan and Mr T the win! Piper and Orton berate Orndorff afterwards which plants seeds for a faceturn. They leave Orndorff behind when they leave as the faces all eat up the crowd noise. WWE's first really massive main event and it was a success! Good action, great noise and an OK finish. It was strange that Hogan was the face in peril in this one though and you'd think the celebrity would be the one to look weaker and struggle to overcome the heels. Match Rating: ***

That's it for the show so let's see who gained the most from this show and who didn't....

Wrestler Scores:

• Tito Santana +5 (34)
• The Executioner +3 (3)
• King Kong Bundy +5 (9)
• SD Jones +1 (5)
• Ricky Steamboat +5 (5)
• Matt Borne +4 (7)
• David Sammartino +1 (4)
• Brutus Beefcake +2 (4)
• Junkyard Dog +4 (8)
• Greg Valentine +5 (31)
• Iron Sheik +6 (15)
• Nikolai Volkoff +5 (7)
• Mike Rotundo +6 (6)
• Barry Windham +5 (5)
• Andre the Giant +3 (13)
• Big John Studd +2 (10)
• Wendi Richter +1 (3)
• Lailani Kai +1 (1)
• Hulk Hogan +6 (31)
• Mr T +3 (7)
• Roddy Piper +6 (27)
• Paul Orndorff +6 (14)

So a card with 3 DUDS on it is never a great one is it. My advice, just watch the main event for quality seeking viewers. 

Thanks for reading! Follow me on Twitter @thewrestlindork and check out our affiliates! See you next edition for an April house show!

WWE All Star Search #6: 17th March 1985 (ft. The War to Settle the Score) - Adam Ross

Welcome Turnbucklers! Its edition #6 and we are back in MSG for another house show on our road to the very first Wrestlemania. Not going to lie, finding shows between October 1984 and March 1985 was hard, very hard. So to make up for it, I'm adding two HUGE events into this edition. First I'm going to look at an IC Title match, followed by a key match in the Rock 'n' Wrestling era which is the WWE Title match from the War to Settle the Score. Then it's onto the last big show before Wrestlemania 1 and we have a massive list of new faces in this one so let's see how they make their first impressions on the All Star Search. Finally, the main event is a Lumberjack Match so let's hope that turns out to be fun. Would like to add a big thank you and hello to any new readers out there, last edition broke my viewing records by x5 which is overwhelming and very humbling! Shall we begin...?

The Card:

Tito Santana (IC Champ) vs Greg 'The Hammer' Valentine [IC Title Match]

Hulk Hogan (WWE Champ) vs Rowdy Roddy Piper [WWE Title Match]

Rocky Johnson vs Charlie Fulton

Barry O vs Rene Goulet

Jim Neidhart vs SD Jones

King Kong Bundy vs Jose Luis Rivera

David Sammartino vs Matt Borne

Andre The Giant/Jimmy Snuka/Junkyard Dog vs Ken Patera/Jesse Ventura/Big John Studd

Ricky Steamboat vs Terry Gibbs

Greg Valentine (IC Champ) vs Tito Santana [IC Title Match - Lumberjack Match]

The Show:

Let's begin with an IC Title match from September 1984 between the champ, Tito Santana and Greg 'The Hammer' Valentine. They've had a run of good matches each in this series so far with Hammer made to look strong in his contendership. They had a decent match a few months earlier but it was overshadowed by the whole Jimmy Snuka stretcher job going on at the time.

Tito Santana (IC Champ) vs Greg 'The Hammer' Valentine [IC Title Match]

Its September 1984 here and Tito is your defending IC champion. They've had previous interactions and this feud has been simmering nicely. Albano is with Hammer in this one and both are getting solid heat. Tito is nursing a poor leg in this one and Valentine uses it to his advantage in his normal methodical way. Crowd is solidly behind Santana in this one with many a chant. Valentine works over the injured leg but Santana escapes and manages to hit his Flying Burrito for a close two count. He continues on the offense and gets another close two. He thinks he's won though and while his back is turned, Hammer nails him with a knee to the back...and that gets the 3 and we have a new IC Champion! Crowd chant bullshit and everyone seemed slightly confused about the finish. Santana did a great sympathy job and Valentine looked crisp as always. Match Rating: **1/4

Hulk Hogan (WWE Champ) vs Rowdy Roddy Piper [WWE Title Match]

Talk about a money match! This was hyped up beyond another level at this point in time. Hogan being Hogan was riding high as champion but oh boy, Piper was generating unparalleled heat! This was shown live on MTV much like the Brawl to End it All and again, drew HUGE numbers. Piper comes out to major heat accompanyed by his bagpipe players and Cowboy Bob Orton (with a cast on his arm). Piper to generate some extra heat...destroys a nice looking guitar! In the words of a friend...SOME GUY! is our special ring announcer...but being from anywhere that isn't America...no clue who he is. Eye of the Tiger hits to a monstrous pop...as per! You can't even dream of comparing Cena to Hogan watching this. Cyndi Lauper, her fella and Captain Lou Albano are accompanying Hogan. By the way, Albano is a face now after realising the errors of his ways. Crowd is hot as they start off like a house of fire trading shots. We hear Mr T is in the crowd as Hogan takes control in the early going with slams. The crowd is unglued. Piper does take control eventually with boots and gets solid heat. Sleeper by Piper and Hulk...Hulks up...but doesn't get too far with it. Piper with more offense than I was expecting at this point. Orton tries to get involved and fails so Hogan regains control. Mr Wonderful Paul Orndorff comes out to support Piper from the outside and the ref gets bumped. Orndorff gets involved and he and Piper double team Hogan. Lauper gets on the apron to do some mouthing off and the heels get sucked in but hold on...crowd pops HUGE...and Mr T of all people gets involved to even the odds. Mr T however ends up getting double teamed until Hogan is up and bails him out. The match itself is thrown out as a no contest. Well, well, well, that was certainly a fun little match. If Piper got the belt here in time for Wrestlemania...the reaction would have been catatonic. The heat for everyone involved was smoldering. Of course, this puts us firmly on the road to Wrestlemania 1! Exciting! Match Rating: **1/2

Onto the MSG House Show now and our commentary team are Gorilla Monsoon and Mean Gene Okerlund once again. At this point its worth me mentioning that their commentary dynamic is a little off. Both play very similar roles and are obviously both face. More balance is definitely needed soon.

Rocky Johnson vs Charlie Fulton

What a way to start us off! Boring, slow paced match with literally nothing to mention. Punches and stalling head scissors is the peak of this one in fact. The crowd were somewhat dead during this one. At one point, Rocky is referred to as 'Rock' which is a fun little precursor. Johnson gets the win with a sunset flip. Match Rating: DUD

Barry O vs Rene Goulet

Into the next match now and we have a first debut of this edition. Barry O is Cowboy Bob's brother and Randy Orton's uncle. Rene Goulet is my 1984 foreign heel of the year...a trophy is on his way to him. 'Who knows what that O could mean' - Gorilla Monsoon. The match itself is as dull as dull can be. The commentary team spend the majority of the match discussing Wrestlemania and its tag team main event. Nice powerslam by Barry for 2. It picks up slightly towards the end of the match and a small package gets the win for Barry O. Dull, simple as. Barry O looked as vanilla as a discount Vienetta. Match Rating: 1/4*

Jim Neidhart vs SD Jones

Its blog debut number 2 and it's Jim 'soon to be Anvil' Neidhart! His appearance instantly makes him stand out from most of the roster in a positive way. His opponent is SD Jones who is slowly becoming more and more of a jobber as months drift by. Neidhart is with Jimmy Hart who I think is also making his blog debut. Fun early goings with both men trading offense. Neidhart shows off the personality we'll become accustomed too over time with his overexaggerations. He does show off his size and power though which is a good thing. They do the scoop slam/reversed into an armbar spot which I've seen numerous times since starting these reviews but I haven't seen it before. SD Jones uses the hard-head gimmick but its all in vain as Neidhart eventually gets the easy win with a crisp Powerslam. Good debut from Neidhart, I found it hard not to be entertained by him. Match Rating: 3/4*

King Kong Bundy vs Jose Luis Rivera

Blog debut number 3 - King Kong Bundy! We're going to be seeing a lot of him over the next year. Jimmy Hart is back out with Bundy. Rivera, much like SD Jones is slipping further into jobber territory. In comparison to everyone but Andre and Big John Studd, Bundy is just ridiculously big. He puts his size to good use, easily overpowering Rivera on a number of occasions. The crowd are quiet but seemingly because their in awe of Bundy. Rivera gets 2 dropkicks in but Bundy is barely phased. Bundy gets the win not long after with a massive elbow drop. Utter squash match but Bundy looked impressive as a beast, if not just for his look. Match Rating: 1/2*

Into the back with Hulk Hogan and Mr T. Hogan says Mr T is the best partner he could've found for Wrestlemania. Mr T says he specialises in work, torture and pain...his words, not mine. Bottom line 'they dead meat!' says T and Hogan says he apologizes for whats the come.

Well, well, well, we're getting a live Piper's Pit! Out comes Piper with 'Cowboy' Bob Orton alongside him to major heat. The microphone is annoying dodgy. Piper says that he's out there talking because no one wanted to fight him. He rips on New York as a heel would...but slightly funnier. He trolls the crowd something fierce by hyping up his next guest making it sound like Mr T...but it's Mr Wonderful Paul Orndorff. Big boo's for that one. Orndorff tries talking but just makes sound...I think I heard him say 'outhouse'. Piper tells Mr T to stop snorting Cocaine and come join him in the ring. Which he promptly does to big cheers and he's brought Hogan and Jimmy Snuka with him. Snuka hasn't been mentioned since he was stretchered out months ago which is nice. Piper tells T to sit down and of course, rips into him while still trying to play it friendly and cool. It doesn't last long and tensions soon rise but the crowd eat it up. Piper runs down T's life acheivements and tells him he's giving T the chance to back out the fight to save face and there will be no shame! T fires back and says he ain't quitting. Piper brings out a painting of Mr T with his arm in a sling but T ain't scared! Things start getting physical but no brawl. Heels bail out the ring leaving the faces to soak up mild cheers. Mr T says Piper gonna pay! He promises! Good promo and I am actually hyped for Mania 1! Piper was gold here and Mr T was great in his role too.

David Sammartino vs Matt Borne

Blog debuts number 4 and 5! David Sammartino is the vanilla looking son of Bruno and Matt Borne is the son of 'Tough' Tony Borne...but you'll know him better as Doink the Clown. Borne looks like Charlie Fulton and here's me thinking I'd never get Charlie Fulton in a reference. Slaps and shoves to start before we get into some back and forth. Sammartino shows of some decent greco roman skills and Borne nails a lovely belly to belly suplex. Borne showing good aggression that we'll see later down the road. Of course it breaks down into restholds and strikes before Borne eats a big back body drop. More restholds before Sammartino gets a suplex and takes control. Sammartino goes up top but Borne slams him down for a slow 2 count. He goes for a powerslam but Sammartino rolls through for the 3 count! Sammartino looked...vanilla and Borne looked decent but too many restholds. Match Rating: 1/2*

Andre The Giant/Jimmy Snuka/Junkyard Dog vs Ken Patera/Jesse Ventura/Big John Studd

We have blog debut number 6 in this one and you better grab dem cakes as it's the Junkyard Dog! Lots of big names in this one. Andre and Studd are developing a feud that will lead towards Wrestlemania. Jimmy Snuka makes his first blog appearance since turning one of my previous editions into an episode of Casualty. Jesse Ventura is back from his bloodclot late last year and Patera is enjoying a decent push since his return. Bobby Heenan is with the heels in this one and Cpt Lou Albano is with the faces. Andre wastes no time getting to Studd but Studd bails to the floor. Faces control the early stages with JYD hitting his unique strikes and headbutts and Andre nailing a double noggin knocker on the heels. Everyone brawls with both sides getting a brief advantage. Eventually Snuka comes in and finds himself as face in peril as each of the heels take turns working him over. Eventually Snuka gets the tag to Andre who comes in and nails Studd with strikes. Ventura gets tagged in but realises he's out of his depth. A big boot and a superfly splash get the win for Snuka and his team! I really enjoyed that one, good flow, good balance and everyone played their role well. JYD is already proving popular in the WWE and his brief in ring appearances in this were harmless. Andre and Studd continued their feud towards Wrestlemania and showed good heat between the two. Snuka played a good face in peril, which makes sense as he has the least reason to be protected. Jesse found himself with little to do but that's a good thing considering his recent health issues. Match Rating: **3/4

Ricky Steamboat vs Terry Gibbs

Another debut here as we have Ricky 'The Dragon' Steamboat making his first blog appearance. He's another performer who was on the 1983 Starrcade card and I think, also the 1984 card too. Terry Gibbs...is also here. Lots of back and forth with Gibbs getting a decent amount of offense in. Steamboat looked as crisp as ever hitting his usual arsenal of moves. He makes Gibbs look great when Gibbs is on the offense. Steamboat shows off his array of chops and strikes. With a couple of poses thrown in for good measure. Steamboat gets the win with a flying cross body! Nothing special, just a way to get Steamboat some ring time. Match Rating: *

Greg Valentine (IC Champ) vs Tito Santana [IC Title Match - Lumberjack Match]

It's the main event! As mentioned earlier, Valentine is now the IC Champ and is now with Jimmy Hart at his side and Tito wants his belt back! This is Lumberjack rules so we have an array of superstars around the ring. Big pop for Tito which is always a good sign. Hammer pearl harbours him to start put to no avail as Hammer quickly ends up outside. The heels seem to protect him but ultimate babyface Ricky Steamboat, calm as you like, walks over and throws him back in. Santana keeps control for a few minutes while Hammer sells like gold but the tide shifts with an atomic drop for Hammer. Santana regains control, Hammer tries to escape but the faces throw him back into the ring. Hammer selling so much like Flair its silly....that includes flops and all. Someone randomly rings the ringbell but its ignored so I have no idea what that was about. Hammer in control now and works over the legs of Tito...good psycology working his way to the figure four and what's even better, Tito sells it! Tito thrown outside and then thrown back in like he's just a corpse. He's thrown back outside to the faces who...protect him...no! That's not your job lads. Hammer goes for the figure four but its countered into a cradle for 2. Tito fights back and Hammer Flair flops again. Suplex by Santana and he goes for his own Figure Four. Hart distracts the ref while the heels help out Hammer. Tito distracts himself with the outside heels but gets pearl harboured by Hammer. They hit a shoulderblock on each other, Hammer falls on top of Santana and that gets the 3! Hammer is completely KO'd too though. Really enjoyed that one and the Lumberjack was a nice tweak to the usual formula between these two. Santana is by far the best at gaining sympathy from the crowd and Valentine is WWE's very own Flair (just not as good). Match Rating: ***

Wrestler Scores:

(I'm taking into consideration the two extra matches reviewed and the live Piper's Pit. Mr T gets a rating therefore as he played a crucial role in a main segment in the show.)

• Tito Santana +12 (29)
• Greg Valentine +13 (26)
• Hulk Hogan +7 (25)
• Roddy Piper +14 (21)
• Rocky Johnson +2 (6)
• Charlie Fulton +1 (4)
• Barry O +2 (2)
• Rene Goulet +2 (7)
• Jim Neidhart +4 (4)
• SD Jones +2 (4)
• King Kong Bundy +4 (4)
• Jose Luis Rivera +1 (4)
• Mr T +4 (4)
• David Sammartino +3 (3)
• Matt Borne +3 (3)
• Jesse Ventura +5 (7)
• Ken Patera +5 (10)
• Big John Studd +5 (8)
• Andre The Giant +5 (10)
• Jimmy Snuka +4 (14)
• Junkyard Dog +4 (4)
• Ricky Steamboat +3 (3)
• Terry Gibbs +3 (3) 

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter @TheWreslinDork and I shall see you next time...for Wrestlemania 1!!