Live Review // ATTACK! Pro Wrestling GooseBUMPS VI // Drew Parker vs. Splits McPins

ATTACK!'s Halloween spectacular was back for the sixth time with the Trinity Centre in Bristol as the host of the grizzly graps. This year's edition was hit by taking place on the same day as a NXT UK taping and a big RevPro event, meaning a whole host of regulars, including ATTACK! Champion Wild Boar and 24/7 Champion Pete Dunne, as well as the likes of Chris Brookes, El Phantasmo, Aussie Open, Millie McKenzie, Travis Banks, Eddie Dennis, Trent Seven and Tyler Bate were all absent. It was definitely a blow and a test of the depth of the ATTACK! roster, but offered up opportunities to the likes of Drew Parker and Splits McPins who main-evented in Halloween Havoc 2018, as well as The Hunter Brothers colliding with Team WhiteWolf in a "Grudge" match. The show also featured action involving Martin Kirby, Mike Bird, Damian Dunne, Chuck Mambo and Spike Trivet...but was it any good? Lets take a look. 

FUN fact - This was the first GooseBUMPS missing appearances from Pete Dunne and Eddie Dennis (with at least one of the pair having main evented every incarnation of the event, including together on the original and third shows), meaning Mike Bird and Damian Dunne are the only two to have wrestled on all six shows.

The show kicked off with an appearance from ATTACK! General Manager and general scamp Kid Lykos, who announced that former tag partners turned bitter rivals LK Mezzinger and Splits McPins would be taking part in Pick Your Poison at the show, with both men able to choose their enemies opponent. Cheers Lykos. 

A solid opener saw 2 time ATTACK! Tag Team Champion LK Mezinger pick up a victory over former ATTACK! Champion Damian Dunne. The bout continued the narrative of a disheartened Dunne, still recovering from the breakup of the Anti-Fun Police at the hands of Nothing to Prove in August, keeping things short and sweet as we were provided with glimpses of the old Chief including a thunderous spear that garnered a big pop from the Trinity Centre and that felt like it could have been a turning point. Mezinger didn't look out of place with a more experienced performer, working well in the spoiler role, as he mocked Dunne and provided the early ammunition with a massive slap. I'd like to see the character fleshed out slightly and a few of the disparate elements (the outfit, the cane, the nickname of "Your favourite scumbag" etc.) bought together more to create a better defined persona, but that will surely come with more singles exposure over time. Dunne attempting his springboard lungblower finish (without trademark "No Funahhhhh") was a running theme throughout, so of course it would eventually be his downfall with Mezinger able to transition into a cradle belly to back piledriver. It was a shame that the following move, a senton bomb, missed by a mile taking the punch out of the finish that really didn't require the top rope move after the more impressive piledriver.

FUN Fact - This was LK Mezinger's first singles win in ATTACK!, having previously suffered losses to Big Grizzly and Tyler Bate.

Nothing to Prove continued to gain momentum as ELIJAH put away Niwa in what was a strong showing from both performers. This was probably the best singles work I've seen from either as they paced the bout well and plotted in a few brilliant spots. I've been waiting to be impressed by both men for some time and whilst both have shown potential in multi-mans and tag outings, this was the first singles match that I've been genuinely into from Elijah, whilst in the case of Niwa, it's difficult to buy into someone you mostly see in scramble matches. It wasn't a must-watch classic, but both men took the opportunity and produced a match that was full of action and physicality. The obvious highlight of the match was the massive springboard coast to coast dropkick that ELIJAH used to knock Niwa off the apron on the other side of the ring, because it came almost completely out of nowhere and took me completely by surprise. I'm hoping both men get more opportunities like this one around the country because it will only be a benefit to both the performers and the scene in general.

FUN fact - Niwa is still searching for his first ATTACK! singles win, after previously suffering losses to Travis Banks in July and Mike Bird in August.

Okay, the first two matches had been alright, solid stuff, but where the fudge was my Halloween goodness? It came in the form of a Grudge Match for the Tag titles, which the Hunter Brothers took literally as they appeared to have been transformed into the spirit from Halloween classic, The Grudge. Team WhiteWolf on the other hand reminded us that "No one expects the Spanish inquisition" as the Spaniards arrived as the Monty Python sketch to hilarious consequences. Seriously, I struggled to breath through portions of this match, with some utter silliness displayed by both teams as they played up the roles and had a number of ludicurous interactions in the opening portion of the match. The variant on the cliche bridging pin reversal spot was the highlight, before the Hunters were offered a beer and quickly snapped back into their usual selves. From then the match shifted into something much more recognisable as The Hunter Brothers continued to show why they're thought of as one of, if not the, best tag team in the UK with a number of sleek tag team sequences including a lovely superkick spot. Whilst there was some miscommunication that lead to a really awkward dive spot, Team WhiteWolf still had a strong showing, flying about the place with ease and pulling out a number of cracking tag moves, including a missile dropkick variant of Total Elimination (Totaller Elimination?), as well as a top-rope Spanish Inquisition Fly from A-Kid. They aren't the finished article yet, but more matches like this will help them get there. 

FUN Fact - The Hunter Brothers have been undefeated since the break up of the Anti-Fun Police at WinterSlam 3, with their run as a duo extending back to the second night of Press Start VI.

The second half began with more Nothing to Prove success as Chuck Mambo (as a creepy face-painted Love Making Demon) defeated Martin Kirby (as Uncle Fester off of The Addams Family). A little bit spookier than the previous Nothing to Prove singles match, but with similar structure, it's difficult for those match not to merge into one in my head, but this was probably the strongest of the three. Whilst it lacked the emotional element of the opener and the big spot from ELIJAH vs. Niwa, this was just a good solid wrestling match, with the two working nicely together in their first one on one bout. Whilst it feels like Mambo is still settling into his heel character, the role allows for him to explore his style in ways that the happy-go-lucky surfer gimmick doesn't, with Chuck able to display (perhaps oxymoronically) both his technical talents and fiery brawling side. Kirby is, of course, one of the most dependable and consistent performers in the country and worked well in his role, getting the crowd behind him with ease, despite having not performed for ATTACK! in Bristol since December 2016, thanks to some offence like his springboard dropkick and by not being a part of Nothing to Prove. A nasty bump of heads on an O'Connor roll into sleeper hold could have derailed the finish, with Mambo suffering a nasty wound under his eye, but they kept on with a couple of good near falls for each, before the dreaded sleeper hold sealed the win for Mambo. 

FUN Fact - Martin Kirby has never won a match at ATTACK! in Bristol.

HALLOWEEN MADNESS! If there's one thing this show will be remembered for it's that Spike Trivet dressed up as Theresa May and came out to Dancing Queen. As soon as I realised what was about to happen, a few seconds into the famous song, until the end of the match I was in absolute stitches, with Trivet owning every second of his Bristol ATTACK! debut. He was part of a four way scramble, that also featured Mike Bird (as Big Mummy), Shay Purser (as Kung-Fu Panda) and Nico Angelo (as Tarzan), that was stacked full of the silliness that ATTACK! is most loved for. There was the ridiculous Big Mummy character, a parody of World of Sport legend Big Daddy, full of lots of insider stuff to pop those who got it, the delightful Purser just trying to Kung Fu shit and Angelo with a more animalistic twist on his super flippy and athletic self, what more do you want from a batshit mad four way? Trivet pulled it all together with his various Spinnatory attempts, with the match peaking when Trivet offered £20 to Angelo to do a dive for him, quickly swapping for banana when he realsied Tarzan didn't understand the concept, before striking Angelo in the junglefruits. The finish saw Bird going nuts with piledrivers and Steiner Screwdrivers for all, before Purser completely no sold a top-rope over the shoulder Tombstone and won with a swift punch to the stomach. This had actually been set up earlier in the match with Purser unable to use the move because of Big Mummy's big belly (a hoodie inside Bird's singlet) but with the belly now gone Purser was clear to hit the move and pick up the win. Side note: Purser moving up the belt classes of pro wrestling is really cute gimmick that will hopefully become even more interesting and dramatic as things progress. 

FUN fact - Mike Bird ties Travis Banks for most ATTACK! four-way appearances in 2018, although neither man has managed to win one.

The best thing to come out of all the absences on the show was that Splits McPins and Drew Parker got a big opportunity to main event in a singles match and grabbed that opportunity with both hands. With a Halloween Havoc No Disqualification type gimmick, this was a rough and tumble clash with plenty of menace behind it, with the pair having issues since the start of the year (including McPins' tag partner LK Mezinger (fka Lloyd Katt) defecting to NTP). The match built well throughout, shifting through the gears well, moving from back and forth seated punches to big shots with plastic wet floor signs to stapling balls and apron bumps, there was pretty much no let-up or lull as McPins and Parker consistently upped the ante. Parker's experience in the Hardcore zone/sphere meaning he was able to come out on top of number of exchanges was a nice little story, that threaded the match together, making this feel more main event than throwaway plunder brawl. Some big highspots helped towards this aim as well, with a nasty death valley driver on the apron from McPins and Parker's avalanche falcon arrow through a table being the most memorable. The finish saw things develop further with a clever ref bump that involved Parker stapling McPins mask back to front and putting referee Huw in place for a superkick, before thumbtacks and LK Mezinger arrived on the scene. Mezinger accidentally clobbering Parker with his cane almost immediately was a nice way of playing with the audiences expectations, especially after three previous Nothing to Prove victories, whilst McPins ended up with a convincing victory after a Full Moon and a solo More Bowl for your Buck into the drawing pins. These lads stepped up and using a few tricks to get there, produced a good main event that didn't look out of place on regular ATTACK! event. 

Post-match - There seemed to be issues between Mezinger and Parker, I'm intrigued to see if that leads to anything on the last few shows of 2018.

FUN Fact - Splits McPins has only lost one singles match in ATTACK!, to Tyler Bate at Club One Hundred #2 in September 2016. 

This was a lovely fun show, with every match being somewhere in the solid to good range and nothing looking to outstay it's welcome. Whilst it would be wrong to say the absences weren't noticeable and that no match was without its issues, pretty much everyone that had to step up on these shows did and I think that's part of what made it such a lovely experience as a fan. Perhaps ironically this was most notable with the group that calls itself Nothing to Prove with all four members proving their ability and/or potential as singles guys across the card and whilst it's arguable that the group was seen too much on a six match card, the experience will be invaluable to all four as they continue to grow. ELIJAH out performed my previous estimations, whilst Drew Parker looked extremely comfortable in the main event. It's difficult to pick a match of the night, because I wouldn't class any one match as "must-watch", but there were certainly stretches of the Hunters vs. WhiteWolf, the four-way scramble and Parker vs. McPins main event that would make any of those three worthy winners. It's been questioned recently the effect that WWE running NXT UK events reguarly in the UK will have on the Indy scene, but If GooseBUMPS VI is anything to go by ATTACK! Pro Wrestling and British wrestling as a whole has enough talent coming through to keep things entertaining for quite some time and perhaps not having to rely on big names will allow new and fresh talent to come through.

You can check out the On Demand version of this show for yourself here - https://vimeo.com/ondemand/goosbumpsvi/295116631

Review by James Marston 

Photo credit - Ringside Perspective 

The Non-Fan Review // DEATH HOUSE from Project Mayhem VI

*Photo Credit - The Ringside Perspective*

This is an "unsanctioned deathmatch" - with lots of swearing. It's also a tag team match, two on two, and a crowded one given that the ring is a LOT smaller than the WWE version.

First, Drew Parker and Ricky Shane Page enter - one is a large man in a black leotard, while the other appears to be the Joker with a ponytail. He loses the white facepaint before the match starts. Shame. It's his most impressive feature.

Then strange horns blare. The audience start to sing along to the music (I don't recognise the tune, I'm afraid). Is someone else coming? Drew and Shane pace the ring for a while. Then, at last, we see a big bearded guy and a chap with a white labcoat and a hockey mask. They go by the band name of "Callous Hearts" and they have their own ring. If they have individual names, I'm unable to hear them over the music.

It's like one of those awkward meetings when you don't confirm the details beforehand and you and your date are waiting in different places.

Suddenly everyone runs from both rings and meets in the middle, amongst the audience. There's a brief fracas in the crowd. Chairs are thrown, as are punches, but it's hard to make out what's happening. This is camerawork so shaky it would not be out of place in a Jason Bourne film. The big guy in black (Shane or Drew, I'm not clear which is which) is slapped around by one of the Hearts (the guy in white, though he's lost his mask and coat and now looks barely recognisable - if I didn't know better, he could be someone from the audience).

While Drew/Shane is dragged back towards the ring by one Heart, Shane/Drew is tackled to the floor by the other. I think. The light here is dreadful, and there seems to be only one camera tracking two separate fights. Badly. As Ponytail crawls away, the other Heart throws a chair at him. Ponytail dodges, but it's two on one here. Where's the big guy?

Here he comes! Then Black Heart throws a folding chair at him and he hits the ground. Black Heart shrugs to the audience before returning his attention to Ponytail.

White Heart, meanwhile, is taking Big Guy back towards the ring. There's time to smack his head into some metal railings first.

Ponytail is now meekly following Black Heart around the set as White Heart continues to smack Big Guy around. The two pairs catch up to each other. White Heart calls Ponytail a bad word and shoves him down to the floor. Then he picks him up, smacks his head into some scaffolding and kicks him.

So far, Shane and Drew have been a bit rubbish. But the Big Guy is finally doing something useful as he intercepts White Heart and gives him what looks like a cuddle. White Heart screams, especially when he's manhandled by his, er, man handle.

Meanwhile, Ponytail has caught Black Heart and is trying to make him eat barbed wire. It doesn't go well. The Big Guy comes by with what appears to be... no, that's ridiciulous. But the audience agree - "he's got a cheese grater!" Which would be more impressive if Black Heart didn't simply steal it from him and use it to give him a shave.

A short distance away, Ponytail is punching White Heart. Whitey responds by throwing Ponytail into the railings. He then slaps his thigh, which apparently causes the other guy pain. I don't know how that works.

Big Guy punches a metal drum, then limps after Black Heart. White Heart has stopped for a beer. When Ponytail asks for one, he gets slapped. But with Big Guy coming out on top, White Heart goes to his mate's help and punches the Big Guy down.

There's blood all over Big's face now.

White Heart (ugh, those terrible trousers!) starts rearranging the security barriers while the two guys in black continue their brawl. The big guy is unable to resist as the two Hearts take him under an arm each and then flip him over their heads and into the barrier, which has been arranged like a very uncomfortable ramp, complete with barbed wire. Big Guy shouts out in pain.

I've no longer got any clue where Ponytail has got to.

As Big Guy crawls off his metal bed, still yelling, the Hearts enter the ring. Looks like Ponytail is already there, crawling along as though trying to stay out of sight - to be fair, given how this "match" has gone so far, the ring is the place that's seen the least action. Who'd think to look for him there?

With the Big Guy out of action, Ponytail just stands there and takes it as the others take turns punching him. The nipple tweak is particularly unsporting. Ponytail then learns why so many wrestlers eschew long hair as Whitey drags him along by those long luscious locks, and then introduces his forehead to the metal of the same security barrier as before. Those wire bits can be sharp. Ponytail says a rude word.

Things suddenly take an unexpected turn. Mounted in the corner of the ring and slapped a little, you'd expect Ponytail to go down fast. But then Whitey takes a run up and hits the post as Ponytail darts away. Then Black Heart charges in and Ponytail darts away again, the two Hearts colliding in the corner. Where the hell did that come from?

As the two Hearts argue, Ponytail dives in to take advantage - bad idea. They're not so distracted that they don't see him coming, and he's soon thrown back into the post and slapped a little more. Black throws himself into his opponent, leaving Ponytail winded on the mat again. White steps out of the ring while Black goes for an unusual pin - he seems to be holding Ponytail by the eyebrows.

White returns with some sort of implement. But what's this? Is that Big Guy I see returning to the ring? It is! White is clobbered to the floor, giving Ponytail the opportunity to break free of Black. The Drew/Ricky pair (I wish I knew which was which) swap partners, ready to do something to them both, but the Hearts reverse their move - simultaneously throwing both of them into the fencing around the ring. It splinters like it's made out of matchsticks.

The Hearts (five, six) pick up sticks and (seven, eight) put the other boys straight. This seems to involve laying sticks against bare skin and hitting the sticks. I vaguely recall this being a thing at school with plastic rulers.

The Hearts decide to team up again, but the same thing happens again - the victims reverse the throw and it's the Hearts that end up in the now rather pointy wooden barrier. This is probably why WWE uses the traditional ropes - much less dangerous... The Drewrickies take the opportunity to push sticks on their enemies' foreheads. Well, Ponytail just uses his hands. I guess he couldn't find a stick.

Big Guy clobbers Black, then invites his friend over to assist. Together, they throw Black into the corner and a fresh bunch of kindling. Black screams in pain and then crawls out of the ring. Meanwhile, the Drewrickies team up on White and sling him out of the ring, head first. There's some scattered applause from the audience.

Since the Hearts don't seem to be coming back, the others go out to get them. Ponytail helps White to his feet, gives him a quick punch and then gets him in a bear hug from behind. Meanwhile, Big Guy (still with a face covered in blood) seems to be carrying what looks like a pane of glass. He carefully props this up in the ring and goes back for something else.

In the few seconds the cameraman was distracted by this, Ponytail has lost his advantage and is about to be shown the benefits of scrubbing your face with barbed wire. A quick elbow to the ribs puts White off, and he runs away into the crowd for beer.

Big Guy has found... I'm not sure what it is. Looks like a collection of white planks all bound together. Regardless, he literally walks into White coming the other way and gets booted in the stomach. White picks up the thing. Ooh, it's a collection of poles. They sound like metal... or... fluorescent lights? Oh dear. Big Guy backs away as White pulls one pole free and advances. He places the pole against Big Guy's forehead and headbutts him - the impact snaps the pole in twain and leaves Big Guy reeling.

Ponytail picks this exact moment to walk back in and gets kicked in the shins. He drops to his knees. White picks up another pole and does the same again. He picks up a third pole, ready to go again... but Big Guy is back on his feet and kicks him to the midriff. He grabs the pole, ready to do something 'orrible, but then Black reappears (where's he been hiding?) and now Big Guy is the one being molested by a pole. This particular one is put between his teeth while White punches him. The third punch shatters that pole. I think they really are tube lights. Not what I'd recommend for a light snack.

Ponytail struggles to his feet, attempting to help Big Guy up. The crowd chants something - Lucifer? You Sit Up? I have no idea - and then the Hearts are back. Black kicks Ponytail away, who so far has been about as effective as a Teletubby, so he can carve his initials into Big Guy's head with a piece of broken lightbulb. White does the same to Ponytail. There is more blood.

Black changes tactics, now trying to insert the lightbulb into Big Guy's hand in an attempt to replicate stigmata, or something. White takes Ponytail and his lightbulb into the ring. Having tried and failed to turn him into a unicorn, White goes back to his favourite trick of headbutting lightbulbs into dust against his opponent's forehead.

Outside the ring, Big Guy yells a lot. But is he reaching for something...?

Whitey comes back with a white bag. It seems to be filled with something, as he's using it to clobber Ponytail around the head. He tips some out - it looks like gold dust? Golden somethings, anyway.

I don't know what's been happening outside the ring but it's all change. Big Guy is on his feet and clubs Black with a fluorescent lightbulb. It shatters into dust and Black drops to his knees. Meanwhile, White is carrying Ponytail on his shoulders, but drops him after a few too many elbows to the face. Ponytail fights back, forgetting he's a Teletubby, and White turns his flying leap into a 69. Ponytail struggles for freedom - after getting an extreme close-up of those ghastly trousers, I'm not surprised. Whitel then begins walking him around the ring like a wheelbarrow, inexorably closer to those gold things from his sack.

You know, I think they're drawing pins.

Ponytail gets to crawl his hands through the pins, and then Big Guy comes to the rescue. Ponytail is now being held up at either end. But what's this? Black sneaks in behind, and kicks down at those much abused hands. The Drewrickies fall into the pins. White then throws Ponytail into the pins, and Black uses a flying kick to push Big Guy into them.

Our wrestlers suddenly realise they are actually supposed to be wrestling, and Black attempts to pin the big guy. He kicks out and breaks the hold. Ponytail reaches out feebly to White, who kicks his hand away. There's a brief moment where both teams regroup, and then Black goes for a charge at Ponytail in the corner. Ponytail gently tosses him out of the ring. Then Whitey decides to get mean and slap Ponytail around a bit. This includes the positively lethal move of holding a stick against his forehead and then tapping the back of his head. Okay, then.

The Big Guy crawls back into the ring (I didn't know he'd left!) and is "helped" to his knees by White, who decides the best way to bring him round is to wrap his legs around Big Guy's head. Ponytail is not impressed, coming in with a surprise flying kick to send White sprawling. Black returns, not impressed either, and throws Ponytail into that pane of glass that Big Guy brought in earlier.

I'm not quite sure what happens next. It looks like Big Guy tries to help Ponytail up, and then Black half flies, half slides into him. Big Guy sails across the ring into the corner post. Black pulls him back in, then goes for another pin. It fails.

Everyone stops for breath before they crawl away from each other.

Black decides to get creative. He positions Big Guy in the corner, props him up with a stick AND a lightbulb across his chest and goes for a charge. Big Guy moves aside and swings down with the bulb. Goodnight, Black Heart. Though I think he just took out the cameraman instead.

There's a shocked pause. Ponytail and Big Guy stare at each other in horror. The Hearts... I have no idea what they're up to. More camera guys run to their fallen comrade's aid. The crowd begin chanting about the Pope's morning ablutions.

Then it's back on. Black charges into Big Guy, who reverses the throw and drops him to the mat. Whitey charges in and there's a quick tussle before the two men spin and Big Guy lands hard. Ponytail comes in swinging, but misses. He picks up White and tries to throw him but it doesn't quite work as intended. Ponytail tries again, picking the dazed and fashion-unconscious Heart up before flipping him over his head and into the mat behind him. It's a cool looking move. It also doubles as an unconventional pin, but White easily shrugs it off before the count expires.

Ponytail exchanges a quick word before climbing the corner post for a flying leap - which, as always, goes horribly wrong. White moves away and Black is waiting with another lightbulb. Swing and SMASH! Ponytail is left red-faced and embarrassed. No, wait, that's not embarrassment. That's blood. Black swiftly picks up the helpless Ponytail and slams him into the mat, which is now covered in so many shards of glass and drawing pins that it must be an even more painful experience than normal. Time for another pin? Not the drawing kind. But in comes Big Guy, pushing Black away with a flying punch before the countdown can hit three.

Big Guy is really narked now. White moves in and gets a punch to the face for his trouble, then thrown into the corner. Big Guy mounts him on the ropes ready for an impressive throw - but Black smashes something into his face (a bit of lightbulb, perhaps?) and Big Guy goes reeling. While he's gone, Black clears some of the detritus away - or sweeps it together? I'm not sure - before picking up the feebly struggling Ponytail and throwing him back onto the mat.

Now White picks up Ponytail and tosses him back down like a sack of potatoes. There's no fight in this kid any more, is there? Both Hearts pin him down. One! Two! But no - Ponytail jerks free. The fight continues - twenty minutes in now. But where is the Big Guy?

Never mind him - while Ponytail crawls away, White's gone underneath the ring to pull out a FREAKING AXE. Seriously?? Ponytail asks him to be reasonable as he (very sensibly) backs away. Quickly. He climbs up the gantry holding the match banner, while back in the ring Black returns with what looks like a folding chair. Ahh, the stalwart of wrestling weapons...

Ponytail is trapped up top while White climbs after him, slowed a little by one hand holding a FLIPPIN' ENORMOUS AXE. Have I mentioned the axe? He does the sensible thing of punching White in the head as he comes closer, though trying to pull his nose off is more successful. White drops the axe and falls back.

Big Guy returns from nowhere and has a go at White, but it doesn't go well for him. Whitey climbs back up the gantry (sans axe) while Black does some interior design work in the ring - though I think all those boards and chairs and whatever else he's gathered together will prove to be very bad feng shui. White discovers that climbing up just leads to getting punched again. Lucky for him that Teletubbies don't punch very hard.

None of this impacts on Black's grand designs in the ring. He even politely asks for donations of chairs from the audience. He seems to have made two benches out of some chairs and some plywood boards. Whatever for? Is he building a fort? Shouldn't he be wrestling or something?

Satisfied that his work in the ring is ready, Blacky climbs up the other side of the gantry. Ponytail seems to spot him too late. The two trade feeble punches at the top before Black picks up his rival and - ah, now I see what those homemade benches are for. Both men spin down into them, breaking all Black's hard work, but Ponytail takes the brunt of it. The crowd return to the subject of the Pope's bowel movements.

Big Guy returns to the ring, as does White. The former greets the latter with a boot to the head. Big Guy helps Ponytail up, clearing the ring and giving Whitey another boot to the head on the way. He then arranges two chairs with a pane of glass between them - only losers use plywood, right? - before giving White the same head-between-my-legs treatment that White gave him earlier.

Black breaks up the party, but his efforts to lift the Big Guy are too weak. Big Guy shrugs him off, punches him in the face and lifts him up over his shoulders. But not to throw him into the glass pane - oh no. There's a whole row of those fluorescent lightbulb tubes waiting in the ring. SMASH!


Big Guy proudly shows off to the crowd while, behind him, White is getting back up. Big Guy turns to fight but gets a fist in the head. You should have been watching him! White follows up with another glass tube to the head - how many of these things do they have?! - but his efforts to chuck Big Guy into his own pane of glass backfire. Big grabs the charging Heart and flips him into the makeshift glass table. SMASH!

I feel sorry for whoever has to clean up all this stuff.

Astonishingly, White is the first up. He pins the Big Guy to the mat, there's a count to three and... is that it? Is it over? That was a bit sudden. All four men seem to be in immense pain. But they're up, and they're hugging - the two Hearts in victory (painful, painful victory) and the Drewrickies in (just as painful) defeat. And then the two rivals acknowledge each other, all enmity forgotten, before they leave the arena.

Summary:

This was a long and brutal fight, but not entirely dissimilar to the WWE ones I've previously watched. They even have the same folding chairs. We have the same ghastly outfits, the same overambitious moves swiftly reversed, the same level of overacting. But WWE was never this bloodthirsty. Drawing pins? Lightbulbs? Panes of glass? Barbed wire? It's ludicrously violent, like Tom and Jerry tagteaming Wile E Coyote and the Roadrunner, and just as believable.

I'm afraid this match doesn't quite work, but not because of the match itself. As a member of the audience, I'm sure it would be thrilling (not least because you might end up in the middle of the fighting). It's the logistics that spoil it - the word to describe the filming of this match is "chaotic". I'm pretty sure braining a cameraman with a lightbulb was scripted (it was just too perfect) but the opening section was so choppy and confused that I had no idea what was going on until the match finally got into the ring. It was some time before I realised they even had more than one cameraman.

The story too lacked cohesion. To start with it seemed to descend into an immediate brawl, and wrestling was forgotten in favour of throwing chairs and experimenting with cheese graters. Then they seemed to remember it again at the end and this brutal, bloodthirsty match was won by a simple pin. What was the motivation for all this? Are we supposed to think these guys are rivals who hate each other, or is there a prize at stake? Who are meant to be the villains here and who are the heroes? A lot of this could be cleared up with some simple commentary, but I'm already missing the badly acted storylines that surround the WWE matches. Fighting for Santa or over a luchador mask may be ridiculous but it gives the fight a purpose that seemed lacking here.

Drew and Ricky are an interesting pairing (if in completely different weight classes - the big guy was carrying the fight most of the time) but it's the Callous Hearts that really work here - they have the look, the cohesion and the sadism to make a great villain combo. For that alone, they were worthy winners.

As for me, after all that shaky camerawork and confusion I'm going to take some headache tablets and go for a lie down...

Next time for Andrew // 

The Hardy Boyz vs. Edge & Christian in a Ladder match from WWF No Mercy 1999

Written by Andrew Williams 

Event Review: FCP Infinity 2016 - Travis Banks v Trent Seven 2

On 25th November, Fight Club: Pro returned to Fixxion Warehouse in Wolverhampton for their sixth annual Infinity Tournament. This year's tournament featured Joe Coffey, Trent Seven, Jimmy Havoc, Tyler Bate, Mikey Whiplash, Travis Banks, Chris Brookes and Omari doing battle in two Four Way dances, before the final, all for the opportunity to challenge for Pete Dunne's FCP Championship in 2017. With a line-up like that, how could things possibly go wrong?

In a slight departure from the norm, I'm going to talk through the Infinity tournament in order, beginning with the first Four Way Dance which saw Trent Seven earn a place in the final after successfully outlasting Joe Coffey, Mikey Whiplash and Omari in a well-crafted encounter. This bout went through a number of different sections, with a feeling that everyone involved came out of the match better off for having been involved. The shining example of this would have to be Omari, who stepped up in almost every area of his game. The back and forth scuffle with Coffey, including getting a strong near fall off his modified lifting reverse STO, as well trading strikes with Seven, showed just how capable the trainee could be. The encounter built towards a final showdown between Seven and Whiplash, after some enjoyable three way violence involving Coffey, with the duo adding another chapter to a feud that has been all over the country in 2016. It was the classic Mikey and Trent japes that we've come to expect and love with the pair tearing strips from each other before Seven advanced with a spectacular mid-rope piledriver. 

Match in a Sentence - Three strong-style veterans battering each other, whilst Omari raises his game once again.

The second four way dance saw Travis Banks collected his first win ever in FCP, with Jimmy Havoc, Tyler Bate and Chris Brookes providing stiff competition in a story-telling thrill-ride that had the crowd hook for the duration. This was a very different affair from the first with Brookes being a general annoyance to all throughout the early part of the bout, leading to an angle that could produce some gems in 2017. After being eliminated by Havoc, Brookes denied the former PROGRESS World Champion the match, breaking up a pin after Havoc had hit both Banks and Bate with Acid Rainmakers. The resulting brawl was full of fury as Brookes was thrown into anything and everything as the crowd celebrated by serenading Brookes with "Fuck off back to Tipton" in the most joyous of ways. With old rivals Bate and Banks left in the ring, the atmosphere was unreal in Fixxion Warehouse. With every movement the duo had the crowd exactly where they needed to be and put on a great final stretch of action and despite Bate's popularity, it was the Kiwi that had the ground swell of support. The reaction when Banks finally managed to put Bate away resulted in near pandemonium and lead to me simply writing "BANKS WINS! BANKS WINS! BANKS WINS!" in my note book.

Match in a Sentence - Clever use of the gimmick with a brilliant finish

The final pitted two of Fixxion Warehouse's favourite against one another as Travis Banks and Trent Seven battled for the Infinity trophy, in front of an emotionally invested audience, who desperately wanted Banks to claim the trophy, after a turbulent year. If the crowd had been into the two semi finals, they rallied for the main event and created one of the best atmospheres that I've been apart of all year. The audience was gripped by Banks' quest and the man who'd been struggling all year suddenly had a ground swell of momentum, so much so that regular top protagonist Seven found himself in an unfamiliar situation (at least in FCP) of not having 100% of the audience behind him. From the moment Banks hit a brainbuster to kick off the match with a near fall, this match took me on a rollercoaster of emotions in a way that only wrestling can do and from the reactions of those around me and all over the building pretty much everyone felt the same. 

The pair had had a cracking contest at Rise Against in March, but this was a cut above, bringing all the elements that made that match what it was, with added intensity and almost a years worth of storytelling behind it. This was a real fight of a match, as both laid their strikes in hard, scrapping initially on the outside following a tasty suicide dive from Banks. Where the bout came into it's own was in a string of near falls, aided by both men selling the damage of the fight when necessary and good timing, whilst having a crowd completely consumed by every single movement and caring about the result of the match is never going to hinder things. The bout only got more exciting as things went on, with silly things like kicking out of and no-selling piledrivers only managing to add to the excitement. There's a time and place for that kind of stuff and this was the time and it was definitely the place. Beyond Banks pulling out the victory, the highlight of the bout for me was the time that Banks spent in a single leg Boston Crab, as it was almost agonising to watch with the sinking feeling that the hero might fall short once again increasing as he was dragged back to the centre of the ring. This was one of the most emotional and gripping contests I've watched all year. The first chapter of the Travis Banks comeback in Fight Club: Pro story had the happy ending it deserved at the time it needed it, I can't help but get excited about what the next chapter could bring! 

Match in a Sentence - Excellent, everything I'd wanted and more.

The highlight of the non-tournament action came in Kay Lee Ray and Nixon Newell's victory over The Hunter Brothers 2.0 (Lee Hunter and Young Lee Hunter (Drew Parker, subbing for an injured Jim)). This was brimming with hijinks and shenanigans, with both trying to pull off "twin magic" to varying degrees of success and referee Shay Purser just being generally confused by everything and eventually kissing Parker, to the jubilation of all. The japes and chicanery were wrapped inside what was actually a bloody good tag team match, with the New Hunters slipping into the pseudo antagonist role early on as Newell and KLR brought the fire, in a match that was packed with tag team clichés done well and with gusto. The closing section was home to a number of convincing near falls, like Newell's Vulture Culture Destroyer and despite a little mix up towards the end, the bout finished well with Parker taking all the moves before taking the pin. It was different from what I'd been expecting had Jim been able to take part, but Parker was a great replacement who brought a new dimension and ended up bringing a real dynamic strength to proceedings.

Match in a Sentence - A very good tag bout, with some Attack! style shenanigans.

Dan Moloney continued his strong post-Facesmashers streak as he went over the debuting Professional Wrestling Alliance (Sydney, Australia) wrestler Sean Kustom. The wrestling here was full on and packed with big strikes that drove the conflict inside the ropes. Outside of the ring, Moloney's footwear challenges continued as the crowd found the Roderick Strong hymn book once again. Moloney rode the storm well, playing up to the festivities perfectly, even when a pair of babies booties somehow made their way into the ring. Outside of the brogue nightmares, the Superbeast really grew into this one with the unfamiliar Kustom quickly gaining some quick crowd support thanks to some hard as fuck slaps and kicks and having regular sized boots. Moloney wound up picking up another strong win with his spinning sitout powerbomb making him undefeated since splitting with Wild Boar. 2017 may very well be the year of the Superbeast. The shoes thing really did take over my entire being at one point, the wrestling was strong, but when you've been broken, you've been broken, so this is one match that I'd like to rewatch, just to pick up on what I missed whilst in fits of laughter.

Match in a Sentence - Shitty little boots.

The opener provided a pair of FCP debuts, with Johnny T picking up a victory over Adam Cage with both men accounting for themselves well.The two worked a familiar style with lots of big strikes, with simple dynamic and story. Despite the FCP audience being a mostly respectful bunch, it can still be a difficult place to debut, because that crowd has seen a lot of world class action over the years, so credit to both Johnny T and Cage for coming out and putting on a watchable encounter, in front of an audience that was unaware of them. Whilst there was nothing to get overly excited about, it got the crowd settled for the rest of the show, with both newbies showing potential.

Match in a Sentence - A good introduction, but struggled to stand out.

Finally...

ATPW Scale Rating - 7.75/10

Oooft, what an evening at the graps this was! The Infinity tournament was probably my favourite thing of the entire year, in Fight Club: Pro or anywhere. The build of Travis Banks throughout the year has been 100% perfect and whilst I'd initially fantasy booked something completely different, this was without doubt the right time to pull the trigger on a talent who has exploded in 2016. The supporting bouts were a lot of fun, with the tag match standing out for its unique use of the art form. Perhaps the opener held the show back in terms of its ATPW Scale Rating, but it will only help both Johnny T and Adam Cage to have appeared on the show and hopefully we'll get to see them both again as they grow and grow, as that's always a special thing for a fan to witness.

Show in a Sentence - One of the most cathartic nights of my entire life, long live the graps, long live Fight Club: Pro, long live Travis, Travis, Travis Fucking Banks! 

Match of the Night - Travis Banks v Trent Seven

Review - James Marston

Editing - Jozef Raczka 

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Event Review: Attack! Pro Wrestling X Pop Punk - FSU v Chief Deputy Dunne & Pete Dunne

On 12th November, Attack! Pro Wrestling presented a unique event, alongside Pop Punk band, Junior at The Frog & Fiddle in Cheltenham, Gloustershire. The two elements were intertwined throughout the show, with the main event featuring band member Mark Andrews tagging with FSU partner Eddie Dennis against Chief Deputy Dunne (Damian Dunne) and Pete Dunne. With the likes of "Flying" Mike Bird, Chris Brookes, Wild Boar, "Ravin'" Danny Jones and Chuck Mambo also on the card, how would Attack!'s second trip to Cheltenham go down? 

Venue & Crowd - I love the Frog & Fiddle. This is only the second show that Attack! have run in the building and I'm absolutely in love with it. It's small and compact in the barn and even with just 100 fans in attendance, it can be incredibly tight with a ring in the middle, but that allows for a great atmosphere and brilliant interactivity. The crowd was hot throughout, for both the wrestling and the music, reacting to the action well and jumping on any opportunity to have a good ol' sing song. The mix of wrestling and music was used well and even with the ring only leaving room for a few people directly in front of the stage, it was still pretty sweet down the front when Junior were giving it the big ones. I'm not a music reviewer, so I'll be mostly sticking to the wrasslin' portion of the show as we continue.

The main event was an unannounced clash that saw FSU (Eddie Dennis & Mark Andrews) get a crowd-pleasing victory over "The Bruiserweight" Pete Dunne & The Anti-Fun Police's Chief Deputy Dunne in tag team action. The build-up made use of the unique set-up as after Junior appeared to be rounding off the evening, Andrews made reference to just how much fun he was having, of course, bringing out CDD, who used a Twitter exchange from earlier in the week as his fuel. CDD was quickly joined by Pete and a beatdown ensued, until Andrew WK's Party Hard hit, the crowd went nuts and Dennis came out to make the save. It was a flurry of excitement, that moved from one moment to the next at the right pace and concluded with an big main event being set up straight away. What's not to like about this? Nothing. That's what. 

The Dunne Bros and FSU have collided in PROGRESS and Fight Club: Pro and all four guys have plenty of history all over the UK and that showed throughout this tag tangle. The two groups have such a chemistry together that I'm actually surprised that they haven't faced off on more occasions. Because I'm a fool, all my methods of writing notes botched on me for the main event, so unfortunately I can't go as in depth as I would like to this, but the whole match was as crisp and pacy as you would expect. Andrews and Dennis are two of the best babyfaces on the scene right now, the Dunnes are two of the strongest heels, add into that the pre-match build and you had four wrestlers who had the crowd in the palm of their hands throughout. There was flips and tricks and reverse ranas and finisher teases and near falls and all sorts of good stuff, that was made stronger and more enjoyable by a solid structure that unfolded at a nice pace, as well as the hugely satisfying finish. Because my description of the contest is awfully vague (for the aforementioned reason) I would urge you even more than usual to check it out through the on-demand service! 

Match in a Sentence - Four clever workers with a shit tonne of chemistry and a great knowledge of what their audience wants, with a cool and unique set-up.

After some tunes from Junior, the wrestling portion of the show kicked off with #CCK (Chris Brookes & Mondai Lykos) successfully retaining the Tag Team Championships against Bowl-A-Rama ("Fat Cat" Lloyd Katt & Splits McPins) in a humourous comedy encounter, that got the crowd more than warmed up for the rest of the evenings festivities. The early portion of the contest was wall to wall silliness, that included a multi-man wet willy spot, before referee Shay Purser apparently lost his mind and grabbed Lykos' signature baking tray (not sure what use a damn dirty wolf has for a baking tray) and just started twatting people with it. Everyone went down to the almighty tray of baking. Then there was Katt needing to smoke a cigar for reasons, his cigar getting broken and then Bowl-a-Rama got their bowling ball involved in the action. The bowling ball actually looked pretty damn painful (because it was a bowling ball), especially when thrown into Brookes lower back (I have bulging discs in that region and almost fell to the fall just imagining how that would feel for my old old spine (I'm 23)) 

The final stretch of the match was all about the near falls, as the pace picked up and things seemed to get more serious with Bowl-a-Rama looking desperate to take those tag belts from Brookes & Lykos. The action went back and forth, there was a sick reverse rana from McPins, some brilliant last ditch kick outs and saves that were well-timed. The Gory Special/Blockbuster combination that #CCK do is a great piece of business, everything about it is just lovely. More of that move, everywhere, please. I still hate Brookes though, because Brookes is a slugpellet. Lykos is still a damn dirty Wolf. My hatred for the two characters will always make a match about seven times more intense. By the matches end, I felt like Bowl-a-Rama had been raised up a notch for having competed with #CCK for over 15 minutes and shown that there is perhaps more depth to their act than one might expect on a first glimpse. #CCK are developing into one of the best villain tandems on the scene and continued to show a versatility and willingness to mix up their style that will see them well in the new year.  

Match in a Sentence - A strong mix of comedy and graps, that set the tone for an Attack! show perfectly. 

Wild Boar in singles action! Boar went 2-0 in Cheltenham, with a victory over "The Human Drewplex Machine" Drew Parker. If you haven't seen Parker's "Extremely Confused" gimmick in Attack!, Parker took a knock to the head in September and has since taken on the personae of various ECW alumni, including Sab-Drew and Drew Jack. If you hadn't guessed this time around Parker believed he was 3 time ECW World Tag Team Champion Taz and it was glorious. From the entrance to the no selling with crossed arms to some Drewplexes, if you weren't enjoying this match with the glee of a child hearing sleighbells on Christmas Eve then we can never ever be friends. The japes of Parker's character were met with brutality by Boar, as he threw everything he had at Parker, including a brilliant Pop-up Powerbomb nearfall. Boar even managed to withstand a number of Tazmission attempts. The two characters slotted together well, with Boar's build and style suiting Parker's Tazz parody and creating a match that was ridiculously entertaining. The loss will only help endear Parker to the audience as the gimmick continues to gather steam.

Match in a Sentence - Stupidly entertaining stuff.

Another bonus match saw "The Not-So Ginger Anymore Jesus" Mike Bird best "Bronco" Brendan White, Chuck Mambo and "Ravin'" Danny Jones in a Four Way scramble match. This wasn't a lengthy encounter (8 minutes), but was choc-full of action, with all four guys able to get in a good showcase of their characters and what they could do in the ring. PROGRESS Wrestling's Mambo made a strong first impression on the Attack! crowd, with his laid-back surfer gimmick being easy to like and the ability to get a pop from a surfboard stretch showed that he'll fit in well in the weird and wonderful world of Attack! Taking bumps as Jones blew his rave whistle at him also helped to endear Mambo to his new audience. White also continued to impress as he develops including being involved in a freaky suplex spot with Bird and Jones. After a number of dives to the outside, Bird let his experience show as he conquered all three of his opponents with a flurry of offense including a double knee gutbuster as part of another sweet multi-man spot. With Bird heading into a match with Eddie Dennis to crown the first ever Attack! Champion on 20th November, this was definitely a cool way to set Bird up! 

Match in a Sentence - Fast and exciting four way with a vast array of strong personalities.

Any Other Business

• The show concluded with Jim Lee celebrating his birthday with a cake, before Chief Deputy Dunne ended up taking a stunner from Junior's Si, complete with the iconic glass smash and Jim Johnston's I Won't Do What You Tell Me! 

Finally...

ATPW Scale Rating - Fun (or 7.38/10)

Attack! is a brilliant promotion and this was another great show out of the outfit. Seriously, I love Attack! The main event was superb stuff, #CCK v Bowl-a-Rama was very good in a totally different way, Parker v Boar was just the right shade of silly and the Four Way was everything you'd want from that type of match and more. Not for a single moment did I find myself even feeling a little bit bored as every performer worked hard to keep everything they were doing interesting, entertaining and different. Junior's music was a good fit for the feel of the show and continued that interesting, entertaining and different style that I've began to associate with Attack! 

Show in a Sentence - Interesting, Entertaining and Different.

Match of the Night - FSU (Eddie Dennis & Mark Andrews) v Chief Deputy Dunne & Pete Dunne

All - James Marston

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