Impact Wrestling Review // 15th February 2018

The new regime of Impact Wrestling continued to find its feet this week on their TV show. Austin Aries defended the Impact World Championship against Eli Drake in the main event and Tyrus returned to the company for his first match since August, tagging with old pal EC3 to take on Johnny Impact and Matt Sydal. But how did all go down in Orlando? Lets take a look.

Impact World Championship // "The Truth" Austin Aries (C) def. Eli Drake // Pinfall

Austin Aries picked up his first World Championship defence against the man he won the belt from two weeks ago, Eli Drake in a good main event, with a brainbuster. The match was pushed throughout the episode this week, with a few simple things making the match feel important for both men. Obviously, this included a hype package at the top of the show, with Aries taking part in a sit-down interview, that did well at getting over the storyline and why the viewer should stick around to see it at the end of the show. Both men would have promos later in the show, with Drake being interviewed by McKenzie Mitchell and claiming to still be the champion in an energetic segment, whilst Aries cut a to-camera promo, discussing winning championships all over the world and seemingly full of confidence ahead of the match. For me, this method of promoting was much better than having the two start the show trading promos in the ring and took up far less time. It covered all the ground it needed to, kept the show feeling punchy and allowed the rest of the show enough time to breath. 

The main event was another step in the right direction for the company, as the two put on a good slow-burner, with clearly defined roles and a thrilling intricate conclusion. Drake has grown into his role as main eventer at Impact, repaying the faith shown in him by the previous regime and whilst it took him some time to grow into the setting, he bought some solid intensity to proceedings later on, when in control of the match. I hope that he is rewarded by the new creative team for the hard work he has put in over the last six months. Whilst the majority of the match was passable and perhaps could've done with a few more moments of interest, it was the gear-change heading into the stretch that made this match. From Aries suicide dive that connected with Drake's second, Chris Adonis, onwards the match the wrestling was brilliant. The two traded a series of slick reversals and near falls, including Aries escaping a Gravy Train attempt into a Last Chancery, that was super crisp and felt like it could've been the finish. I'm looking forward to seeing where Aries' title run can take us, with a number of interesting options for challengers across the roster, including Johnny Impact, Matt Sydal and even perhaps someone like Sami Callihan.

EC3 & Tyrus def. Johnny Impact & Matt Sydal // Pinfall 

Tyrus is back! Yes, the man formerly known as Brodus Clay returned to our screens this week, being revealed as EC3's mystery partner in a victory over Johnny Impact and Matt Sydal, with EC3 getting the pin over Impact with his feet on the ropes. I'm going to be honest and say I'm not a fan of Tyrus as a wrestler, I saw him live a few years ago, in a dreadful match with Michael Elgin at PCW, however he was used well in this match. The story played out that EC3 was out matched by both Impact and Sydal in the ring, with the pairing often getting the upper-hand when Ohioan was in the ring, whilst Tyrus would be able to match their speed with his power. This was seen clearly in the finish when Tyrus caught a Sydal suicide dive and sent him into apron, before tripping Impact on a Flying Chuck attempt and allowing EC3 to get the pin. It would be a stretch to call this a "good" match, but it was inoffensive, had a solid story and built to what should be a top drawer match between Impact and EC3 on next week's episode with the Number One Contendership on the line.

"Walking Armageddon" Bobby Lashley def. Sami Callihan // Disqualification 

After oVe broke up the pin cover resulting from a massive spear from Lashley, Sami Callihan suffered a disqualification loss in his first singles match in Impact, this week, in what was a physical opening match. Whilst it was slightly confusing to have oVe bundle Lashley into the boot of a car on week and then have Lashley face Callihan the week after, that didn't really stop the match from being a heated, hard-hitting slugfest. The pair spent the majority of the match on the outside, so it was a shame that the camera work out there couldn't equal the quality of the scrap and I have to say that that ended up damaging the viewing experience on a number of those spots. The Crists on the outside allowed Callihan to control large portions of the contest, also giving Lashley some lads to lob into things when necessary, whilst Callihan's wild brawling style complemented Lashley's power game nicely. The guillotine out of the spear spot still doesn't work, but Callihan doing his signature run around the ring, only to be met with a thunderous spear from Lashley definitely did. Eddie Edwards came out to save last after the match, with it later being announced that Lashley & Edwards would tag up next week against the Crist Brothers.  

Impact X Division Championship // Taiji Ishimori (C) def. El Hijo Del Fantasma // Pinfall

Taiji Ishimori racked up his fourth X Division title defence this week with a victory over AAA star El Hijo Del Fantasma with a 450° splash, in a fun junior heavyweight jaunt. This was easy to watch, but didn't quite live up to my own high expectations. This is mostly down to how brief the contest was, because almost all of the action was very good, with lots of aerial offence and a back and forth style that suited the two competitors, alongside an appreciative Orlando audience. There just wasn't enough of it, it almost ended up feeling like a taster, probably not helped by its slot just before the main event, when it could have been more effective at the top of the hour with an extra five minutes at least. The stuff on the outside was particularly strong with lots of sweet dives, including Ishimori's Golden Moonsault and a great sequence that saw the champ miss a moonsault off the apron and then leg it up and back down the ramp hitting a running step up hurricanrana on the way. Like most of the show, the X-Division has really began to heat up lately, hopefully it's just given a little more time to breath, with the talent allowed to reach their full potential in the coming months.

Rosemary def. Hania the Huntress // Pinfall 

Just one Women's match this week as Rosemary defeated her rival Hania the Huntress at the first time of asking, with the classic high crossbody counter in a match that never really got going. Everything looked alright, but for a match between two rivals there was distinct lack of intensity and I got the feeling the pair went through the motions for most of the match, although this wasn't helped by the distracting commentary talking about every other storyline, expect for the one going on in front of them. This included for the finish, where neither Josh Mathews or Sonjay Dutt seemed to have noticed Huntress had gone to the top rope until Rosemary had her pinned. I've enjoyed the Mathews & Dutt partnership for the most part over the last two weeks, but they both let the competitors down here. After the match, Huntress attacking Rosemary, before both managed to escape finisher attempts on the steel steps, so it appears this feud isn't over just yet. For me, Huntress really could've done with the win here, seeing as she only had her first match on the main TV product last week, it seems daft to have her take the fall in only her second match.

Also This Week

- NOAH's "The Machine" Brian Cage def. John Cruz in a quick squash, winning with a delayed Steiner Screwdriver.

- The GWN Flashback of the week was Braxton Sutter and Laurel Van Ness's wedding from last year, in a segment that also included Allie, Sienna, Maria Kanellis-Bennett, Mike Bennett, Rockstar Spud, Aaron Rex , Brooke Tessmacher and Robbie E. 

- LAX had a segment, but I'm not sure what was actually happening, but Konnan certainly said some things, before later on The Cult of Lee attempted to find LAX, attacking a pair of blocks dressed as The Mumbai Cats, who turned out to be neither Latin American or from Mumbai. 

- Jimmy Jacobs ordered Kongo Kong to destroy Joseph Park's office, which included smashing a photo of an elderly woman. 

- Allie's secret admirer was revealed as Impact Knockout's Champion Laurel Van Ness, but Allie hit her with a box of chocolates and threw her into a production box whilst shouting "Get back in the box.

- Alberto El Patron attacked Moose during an interview with McKenzie Mitchell, so it looks like those two are feuding now.

ATPW Scale Rating // 5.29 out of 10

Written by James Marston // @IAmNotAlanDale

Impact Wrestling Review // 8th February 2018

This week's Impact Wrestling was main event by a Four-Way bout to earn a shot at the Impact World Championship, as Johnny Impact, Alberto El Patron, EC3 and Moose collided in the Impact Zone in Orlando, Florida, whilst following Austin Aries' World title victory over Eli Drake last week Impact aired a replay of Aries winning the TNA World Heavyweight title from Bobby Roode at Destination X 2012. But how did it all go down? Lets take a look! 

Impact World Championship #1 Contendership // Johnny Impact def. Alberto El Patron and EC3 and Moose // Pinfall

Johnny Impact earned himself another shot at the Impact World Championship, pinning EC3 after escaping the One Percenter and using a Bridging O'Connor roll to get the three count, at the conclusion of a sprawling Four way match also involving Alberto El Patron and Moose. This was an exciting and varied main event, featuring four of the companies top heavyweights, featuring some good storytelling, fun brawling in the crowd and an exciting stretch of action that saw all four guys working hard. The story of El Patron and EC3 teaming up and doing anything they could to get an upperhand, using the steels and ringpost to keep Impact and Moose down was the driving force throughout the first ten minutes or so, with the action spilling into the crowd and culminating with Moose appearing to suffer a knee injury after being rammed into a wall. The scrap in the audience also featured some fun spots involving a wheelie bin and Impact wailing away on El Patron with a pair of crutches. 

Of course, the second act of the match included Moose coming back into the match to even the odds for the good guys, aiding Impact in hitting a pair of powerbombs to El Patron & EC3. Moose sold spectacularly here, limping for the rest of the match and varying his offence because of the injury, whilst Josh Mathews and Sonjay Dutt on commentary did a good job of pointing out the differences in Moose's movements and attacks. It would be the knee that would eventually take Moose out of the match after the OMG missed a baseball slide and El Patron kicked the injured leg from underneath him, before nailing a superkick to his kneeling opponent. The finishing stretch was full of big moves and near falls, making the most of the bodies to keep the momentum swinging as Impact came close with a Moonlight Drive and Moose made the save for EC3, nailing a senton on El Patron to break up a Cross Armbreaker. This was a great way to close the show, whilst also setting up a potential showdown between Impact and Austin Aries, which has the potential to be a real barn-burner in the right setting.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship // Austin Aries def. Bobby Roode (C) // Pinfall [TNA Destination X 2012]

I'm usually not a fan of Impact airing old matches on their first-run programming, because it seems like a cheap way to fill time without the effort of having to advance stories and to be quite honest, the match choices can often be baffling. However, I'm not going to complain about the company pulling out one its best matches of the last decade, especially when it actually served a purpose. After Aries had won the Impact World Championship last week, this week we were treated to Aries winning the TNA World Heavyweight Championship from Bobby Roode back at Destination X in 2012. Oh man, if you've never seen this match its well worth seeking out, because it features one of the most electric TNA audiences in history, desperate for the valiant babyface challenger to take the companies top prize for the over-bearing champion. The in-ring action matches the crowd's enthusiasm, with tonnes of twists and turns, near falls and dramatic devices to create a compelling main event and one of the best TNA title matches in history. Back in 2018, we saw Aries fielding a press conference which included the revelation that he isn't signed with Impact and will be continuing in his attempt to win championships all over the World. Aries defends the Impact World Championship against Eli Drake next week. 

Taiji Ishimori & Matt Sydal def. El Hijo del Fantasma & Rojit Raju // Pinfall

This week's X-Division action kicked off the show, with Impact Grand Champion Matt Sydal pinning Rohit Raju (the repackaged Hakim Zane) after a Shooting Star Press, giving Sydal and X-Division Champion Taiji Ishimori the victory over El Hijo del Fantasma & Raju. Just like the main event was a great showcase for the heavyweights in Impact at the moment, this was the same for the X-Division as the foursome put on a fast-paced tag jaunt, full of exciting back and forth sequences, flips and just generally good wrestling stuff. Raju impressed with a couple of lovely sequences with Sydal, where the two traded a series of near misses, whilst also combining well with Fantasma for an impressive near fall off a double team GTS situation. However, it was Fantasma who ended up really shining in this one, with a lovely opening exchange with Ishimori, as well as a fiery hot tag after a period of dominance from Sydal & Ishimori. Oooh, Ishimori hit a delicious Superstar Quebrada as well. More shows should open like this.

Impact Knockout's Championship // Laurel Van Ness (C) def. Kiera Hogan // Pinfall 

After picking up a surprise victory over Knockout's Champion Laurel Van Ness last week, Kiera Hogan received her shot at the belt this week, coming up short as Van Ness got the win with a sloppy looking Unprettier to make it two defences of the title. Beyond the sloppiness of the Unprettier, the match was alright for the most, highlighted by some strong character work by Van Ness and a call back to the finish of last week's match. Van Ness seems to have put some real work in when creating this crazed version of the character and I enjoyed the different in-ring style that she employs as shes varies her offence to suit the character, whilst some of her facial expressions when unable to get the pin were brilliant here. I would've liked to have seen more from Hogan as the match felt more one-sided than it perhaps needed to be and a little more fire from the newcomer would've lifted the contest to the next level. After the match, Allie made the save for Hogan, sending Van Ness packing after she attempted to attack Hogan further. We also found out earlier on the episode that Allie has a secret admirer and we'd be meeting them next week.

Trevor Lee & Caleb Konley def. Monroe & Read // Pinfall

One area of Impact that's needed improvement for a while is the tag team division and therefore it's pleasing to see The Cult of Lee, consisting of Trevor Lee & Caleb Konley getting put into the ranks and entering a feud with Impact Tag Team Champions Santana & Ortiz, LAX. This week we saw Lee & Konley in a surprisingly competitive match with the debuting Monroe (FEST Wrestling) & Read (REAL Pro Wrestling), known collectively as TECH, before Lee pinned Read after a Spike Piledriver. I wasn't massively into the gimmick that Lee & Konley had stolen LAX's bandannas and therefore now say stereotypical Mexican things, but the wrestling in the tag match was solid, with both of TECH impressing with some nice strikes as they bumped well for the Cult of Lee. The highlight came from a cute double team Gutwrench Powerbomb from Lee and Konley, that involved Konley hitting a running punt to the head just as Lee brought the opponent up into the air for the powerbomb. After the match, LAX's Homicide, Konnan, Ortiz & Santana appeared on the screen, with Konnan cutting one his trademark energetic promos threatening the Cult of Lee that they would not tolerate the impersonation. A Tag title match with Ortiz & Santana against Lee & Konley could be wonderful if given the right time. 

Hania the Huntress def. Amber Nova // Pinfall 

Hania the Huntress made her Impact debut this week, picking up a victory over Amber Nova with a weak reverse DDT. It was a shame that the finish ended up looking so lame, because the rest of the match had been a fun extended squash, that saw Nova get a good opportunity to show off some of her pacier offence, whilst Huntress was able to showcase some of her power game. Whilst Nova's headscissors into the top turnbuckle looked cool, it was Nova leaping up for a rana only to be caught by a get-the-fuck-down powerbomb from Huntress that stands out as the strongest part of the match and worked as a microcosm of the match as a whole. Following the match, Rosemary attacked Huntress, attempting to get some revenge for an attack last week, but Huntress was able to escape before Rosemary could hit Red Wedding. 

Also this week

- In a weird hand-held video, it appeared that oVe's Sami Callihan, Jake Crist & Dave Crist had kidnapped Lashley.

- Dark promo from Jimmy Jacobs alongside Kongo Kong, threatening to bring the monster out of Joseph Park.

- Pluto TV rewind of the week was Chris Harris diving off a steel cage to nail Death Sentence with America's Most Wanted partner James Storm on Elix Skipper (teaming with Christopher Daniels as Triple X) from NWA Total Nonstop Action from June 2003.

- Pro Wrestling NOAH star Brian Cage returns to Impact next week, after last being seen in July 2014.

ATPW Scale Rating // 6.00/10 

Written by James Marston // @IAmNotAlanDale

Impact Wrestling 697 Review // Team Eddie Edwards vs. Team Chris Adonis // Eli Drake Gravy Train Turkey Trot

Bound For Glory 2017 Review // Johnny Impact vs. Eli Drake
Impact Wrestling 695 Review // Alberto El Patron and Johnny Impact Brawl

Impact Wrestling 696 Review // Petey Williams vs. Eli Drake

It was Thanksgiving on 23rd November, so Impact Wrestling treated us to a Turkey based episode. Yeah. Taped at the Aberdeen Pavillion in Ottawa, Ontario, the show featured just one original match, pitting Team Eddie Edwards against Team Chris Adonis. Throughout the show names were drawn, taking up an outstanding near twenty five minutes, leading to Fallah Bahh, Garza Jr., Richard Justice and Allie joining Edwards' team and Adonis' team consisting off KM, El Hijo del Fantasma, Caleb Konley and Laurel Van Ness. The show also featured a number of flash back matches from Thanksgivings gone by including Rhino, Alex Shelley & Sheik Abdul Bashir battling it out in a three way from 2008. But was it any good? Let's take a look. (SPOILER - IT WASN'T GOOD. NOT GOOD AT ALL)

Eli Drake Gravy Train Turkey Trot // Team Eddie Edwards (Eddie Edwards, Allie [Cherry Bomb], Richard Justice [Dick Justice], Garza Jr. & Fallah Bahh [Franciz]) def. Team Chris Adonis (Chris Adonis [Chris Masters], El Hijo del Fantasma, Caleb Konley, Laurel van Ness [Chelsea Green] & KM [Kevin Matthews]) // Pinfall

*If the following paragraph seems repetitive, drawn out and entirely unnecessary, then I've made my point. It's also good to remember it took up 25 minutes* 

Robert Irvine prepared a Thanksgiving meal, whilst Jeremy Borash fannied around with a tumbler...Borash did some more fannying around with a tumbler...Eli Drake told a story to Borash about his Dad's creamy mashed potatoes. They also drew the first team captain for the newly rechristened Gravy Train Turkey Trot, Eddie Edwards...Edwards told McKenzie Mitchell that tonight he'd be ticking an item off his bucket list by competing in the match...Borash drew El Hijo Del Fantasma as the first member of Team two, whilst Drake stole his bread roll...Fantasma told Mitchell that they don't have Thankgiving in Mexico... Borash let us know that they'd be drawing more names later on... Eli Drake gave his thoughts on Johnny Impact vs. Alberto El Patron happening next week, which didn't amount to a whole lot...Borash finally drew the next member of Eddie Edwards' team, Allie...Allie actually seemed pretty excited about the prospect of dressing as a turkey...Borash let us know that they'd be drawing more names later on...Caleb Konley was drawn as the next member of Team Two by Borash...Trevor Lee told Konley that he'd better not lose the match, in another Mitchell interview...Drake pulled Richard Justice as Edwards' next team member...Justice was buzzing for the opportunity when he spoke to Mitchell... Borash drew KM as the next entrant into the Gravy Train Turkey Trot...KM told Mitchell that all he cared about was impressing American Top Team later on...Laurel Van Ness was the next name out of Borash's tumbler... van Ness danced around like a turkey in her interview with Mitchell...Drake asked Chris Adonis "would you?" with Adonis replying "I would stuff that turkey" seemingly in regards to van Ness...Borash pulled another name out of his tumbler, Fallah Bahh...Bahh spoke to Mitchell, saying only the words "Bahh" and "Gobble Gobble"...Borash and Drake spoke about Bahh's weight and then drew Garza Jr.'s name out of the tumbler...Garza Jr. told a Mitchell that a Mexican wrestler never gives up or something...The team captain for the second team was revealed as Chris Adonis, with Drake attempting to put the name back in the tumbler, Adonis seemed furious about the possibility...Adonis gave Caleb Konley, Fantasma and KM a pep talk, whilst van Ness danced around like a turkey...Edwards gave Allie, Justice, Garza and Bahh a team talk, with Justice more interested in the fact that there would be food around the ring...Before the match began Drake made Borash read an oath to the competitors, making them promise to wear the Turkey suit if they were pinned in the match, whilst standing around tables full of Thanksgiving treats... 

Yeah. Well, the match certainly was something. It wasn't completely terrible, but it was pretty terrible. My highlights included Justice attacking Konley with a bread roll, van Ness riding around on Justice's back for a bit, Josh Mathews continuously corpsing on commentary, Bahh and Justice teaming up on KM and a comedy dive spot where Justice pulled his straps down and then fell off the apron, getting caught by the majority of the match, before Allie came flying off the top to knock everyone down. Undoubtedly, the comedy from Justice was the best part of the whole thing, which says more about the use of the likes of Edwards, Garza, Fantasma and Konley, than it does Justice's skills. Then there was the other stuff. Oh dear the other stuff. The commentary making jokes about Bahh and Justice being larger gentleman, KM hitting some of the weakest strikes you ever did see, Garza once again wrestling with an obviously injured arm, Adonis knocking Edwards off the apron to distract the referee and then simply kicking Garza a bit, the referee dropping Garza's hand to the mat multiple times when in an Adonis waistlock and then doing NOTHING about it, followed by Garza eventually escaping and then going straight to the hot tag with absolute no build or struggle. Just a general lack of psychology or common sense in the structure of the bout, with it appearing at multiple times like no one had discussed anything about the match at any point. After Adonis shouting "Masterlock" like a fucking teat, Edwards escaped quickly and got a roll up win in a sloppy finish. After twenty five minutes of mindless build-up segments, the match was over in under half that time and I felt like I'd lost at least three years of my life and many, many brain cells.

You thought this was over? Oh no, my naive friend. There was still ten minutes left of the show. How did they fill those ten minutes? Well, Adonis had to get in the turkey suit, of course. This was much more interesting than the match, but that's not saying much at all. It went like so; Eli Drake said Adonis didn't have to wear the costume, Jeremy Borash said he did, Adonis tried to leave, security stopped him, Adonis tried to leave again, security stopped him again, Borash said if Adonis didn't wear the suit then Drake would have to wear it and then in the best moment of the show, Drake motioned for security to take Adonis back to the ring, whilst saying otherwise on the mic, then Adonis wore the turkey suit. It wasn't high class television and went on for an excruciating long time, but there were moments of relief, mostly enjoying the depth of Drake's performance. The show concluded with a food fight, including Garza Jr. lobbing an entire turkey at Eddie Edwards (his own captain) and Edwards ducking a cherry pie attack from Adonis, leaving Drake covered in pie as the show went off the air.

Turkey Bowl // "The War Machine" Rhino def. Alex Shelley and Sheik Abdul Bashir [Shawn Daivari] // Pinfall 

This bout originally aired on iMPACT 231 (broadcast in November 2008, taped at Universal Studios in Orlando, Florida) and was certainly not a classic. That being said it was probably the best of the three archive bouts, with Shelley and Bashir teaming up to tackle the more powerful Rhino, only for the War Machine to come flying back and pin Shelley with a Gore.

After the match, Mick Foley forced Alex Shelley to wear the Turkey Suit, in an over-the-top promo, threatening to fire the Motor City Machine Guns member. This segment was not entertaining the first time, it really didn't need to be re-aired.

Eli Drake, Dezmond Xavier, Petey Williams, Trevor Lee, Bobby Lashley and Allie let us know their favourite Thanksgiving memories...Drake, Sami Callihan, Alberto El Patron, Williams, KC Spinelli, Johnny Impact and Matt Sydal let us know what their favourite Thanksgiving food was...Drake, Sienna, Ethan Carter III, Impact, Sydal and Allie let us know what they were thankful for...Drake, Willliams and Eddie Edwards (who looked quite ill) told us about their Thanksgiving Traditions... 

Turkey Bowl // Eric Young def. Robbie E // Pinfall

This was a baffling encounter from Impact Wrestling 385 (aired November 2011, taped at Universal Studios in Orlando Florida), with my enjoyment coming from Taz relentless taking the piss out of the whole thing on commentary. Referee Rudy Charles was for some reason positioned as the star of the contest, using the turkey suit to count pinfalls and also randomly breaking out into a chicken dance at various points, before Young picked up the win with a jumping Piledriver.

After the match, Eric Young and referee Rudy Charles made Rob Terry wear the turkey suit.

Turkey Suit Challenge // Robbie E def. Grado // Pinfall 

From Impact Wrestling 645 (aired in November 2016, taped at Universal Studios in Orlando, Florida) we had this bout that was straight up comedy wrestling, as well as having Aiden O'Shea [Jay Bradley] on the outside as some kind of enforcer. Nipple twists, both being terrified of the turkey suit for reasons that weren't explained and Grado pulling out Robbie E's arse were amongst the "highlights", en route to Robbie E earning the victory after blocking a sunset flip.

After the match, Grado put on the turkey suit and rather enjoyed it, beginning to cut some shapes in the suit, whilst Robbie E also pranced round like a fool, whilst Aiden O'Shea looked on for some reason.

Sienna, Madison Rayne, Rosemary and Allie spoke about the upcoming tournament for the vacant Knockout's Championship

The Pluto TV rewind of the week was Diamond Dallas Page given Raven a Diamond Cutter in a match against Monty Brown, taken from Impact 24 (aired November 2004, taped at Universal Studios in Orlando, Florida)

This may have been the worst episode of any professional wrestling show that has aired in 2017. 25 minutes of drawing names out of tumblers and bad jokes, ten minutes of talking heads discussing Thanksgiving traditions without a single interesting story, one original match that if you were kind you would call "not awful" and three previous Turkey Bowl matches, that ranged from short unoriginal comedy to bizarre referee dominated action to a three way that was certainly a match that happened at one point. Also, does anyone want to watch two Robbie E matches on the same show? After a killer episode last week, Impact Wrestling let themselves down on Thanksgiving and episode 697 deserves to be burned in a bin.

Review by James Marston (@IAmNotAlanDale)

Impact Wrestling 695 Review // Alberto El Patron & Johnny Impact Brawl

On 9th November 2017, Impact Wrestling & Border City Wrestling aired the 695th episode of Impact Wrestling on POP TV, taped on 14th October at St. Clair George Coliseum in Windsor Ontario and 6th November at the Aberdeen Pavilion in Ottawa, Ontario. The show featured a clash between Matt Sydal and Sonjay Dutt, a brawl erupting between Johnny Impact and Alberto El Patron, as well as appearances from Chris Adonis, oVe (Sami Callihan, Dave Crist & Jake Crist), Petey Williams, Ethan Carter III and Eddie Edwards, but was it any good? 

"Reborn" Matt Sydal def. "The Original Playa from the Himalayas" Sonjay Dutt // 10:37 

Jimmy Jacobs turned up again, took a selfie with Josh Mathews and joined the commentary booth for Sonjay Dutt vs. Matt Sydal.

An interestingly paced match here, with Matt Sydal and Sonjay Dutt pushing more into the technical category than the high-flying style that they're better known for. There was still a good deal of flippy shit, including a standing moonsault from Sydal, but the majority of the match however saw Sydal target Dutt's leg, following a dragon screw leg whip. This produced a couple of lovely moments, like Sydal cutting off a sunset flip attempt by going after Dutt's leg before locking in a single leg Boston crab, with the Original Playa for the Himalayas selling the body part well. Considering both were babyfaces heading in, I'm not convinced this was the right direction to take the bout, with the crowd not really getting into it and with the action often feeling a little bloated in the middle. After a Bound for Glory marred by poor booking decision, it was just nice to start the show with a clean victory, as Sydal put Dutt away with a Shooting Sydal Press. Jimmy Jacobs on commentary was a thing, with the Zombie Princess only staying around for a few minutes before leaving because he wasn't getting enough attention, despite the screen having featured him more than the action in the ring.

After the match, Ethan Carter III came out to say that Sydal was a choke artist, apparently turning back heel, days after he turned babyface at Bound for Glory. We closed without any real confrontation with EC3 saying "Maybe in another life...you could've been reborn a winner"

Alberto El Patron [Alberto Del Rio] and Johnny Impact [John Morrison] brawled // 12:32

Johnny Impact interrupted McKenzie Mitchell's interview with Global Forged winner Hakim Zane, grabbing the camera and letting Alberto El Patron know that he was coming for him.
Later on, Alberto El Patron turned up outside the building with the camera man letting him know that Johnny Impact was looking for him.

Parts of this brawl worked really well, parts of the brawl was just two lads rolling around backstage. Honestly, there were portions that felt like I was watching two teenage brothers have a scuffle and the action backstage went on for at least five minutes too long with the unnessarry inclusion of Braxton Sutter and Caleb Konley. The things that did work were Impact flying through the screen as Mckenzie Mitchell attempted to interview AEP, Impact's dive off a toilet building thing and the portion that went out into the arena. The two getting on the mic, with Impact having to goad AEP to get in the ring by telling him he wasn't the pride of his own father, let alone the Pride of Mexico was nicely done and played well by both men. The finish with the 2 time WWE Champion hitting a DDT on Impact, taking out security and locking on an armbreaker in the ropes had some punch, furthered the issue between the pair and made AEP look like trash. Also big shoutout to AEP wearing a full red Adidas tracksuit, whether it was conscious decision or just how he dresses, it added to his trashy image.

GHC Heavyweight Championship: Eddie Edwards (C) def. El Hijo del Fantasma // 9:57

The match of the night came in this clash, as Eddie Edwards and El Hijo del Fantasma put on a pacy, back and forth match. The two packed their ten minutes full of action from the very beginning, with the former Gift of the Gods champion pulling out some lovely looking offence when controlling the first third, including a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker and a frankensteiner. Edwards has always been compelling when fighting from underneath here, with a likeable persona and that shone through here as he scrapped for everything he got, pulling out a nice near fall off a Blue Thunder Bomb hopespot, before making the Tiger Driver his focus, attempting to hit the move multiple times. This resulted in a strong near fall when Edwards managed to hit the move, after removing his elbow pad to hit a lariat, only for EHDF to get a shoulder up before two. The final stretch lifted the quality, even if EHDF blocking a Boston Knee Party was poorly shot and/or edited together. Edwards would eventually hit the Boston Knee party and Diehard Flowsion to cap off a convincing victory, that raises his stock within both Impact Wrestling and Pro Wrestling NOAH. The only nit-pick I have here is that the two trolled repeating a spot on the apron that was arguably the best moment of Bound for Glory, only for it not to happen, which seemed a little unnecessary. It did result into two gorgeous suicide dives though, so not all was lost.  

Petey Williams interrupted Eli Drake [Shaun Ricker] & Chris Adonis [Chris Masters] // 8:26

Until Petey Williams made his entrance, I was losing patience with this lengthy opening duo-loge from Global Champion Eli Drake and his pal Chris Adonis. I usually like Drake on the mic, but there was very little going on here and a lot of time for that little to go on in. Adonis told the crowd to sit down, Drake said somethings, put over beating Johnny Impact at Bound for Glory, Drake fiddled with his title belt quite a lot, said something about Alberto El Patron and then said he'd been given the night off because "there's no one left to challenge for this title". It just went on and on and nothing happened, we got no new information and Drake seemed to be lacking in some of his usual energy and charisma. Luckily, once Williams entered, Drake seemed to wake up, seemingly because his best work comes when he has some one to bounce off of. It all ended up with Adonis saving Drake from taking a Canadian Destroyer and we'd find out later that this had somehow earned Williams a title shot. The crowd loved Williams though, because he's Canadian and if there's one thing we know about Canadians it's that they love Canadians. Canada.

Allie [Cherry Bomb] def. KC Spinelli // 7:04

The company has literally just held TV tapings, but they're airing footage from a BCW show from October? Go figure. In all honestly, the BCW footage actually looked better than footage from Impact itself, with a better looking crowd who seemed to be more into the action. The match itself took a while to get going, consisting mostly of strikes from Spinelli and Allie running out of the way of corner attacks. The last few minutes saw the action improve with a couple of nice near falls for both, including a Fisherman's suplex from Spinelli. Unlike most of the Impact footage, the finish featured some brilliant camera work, as Spinelli went for a moonsault, only for their to be no water in the pool, before an Allie Valley Driver put the SHIMMER performer away.

Allie was interviewed, speaking about being in the ring with Gail Kim at Bound for Glory and what Kim's announcement next week could be.

The GWN flashback moment of the week, saw Team International (Sonjay Dutt, Amazing Red & Hector Garza) go over Team Canada (Bobby Roode, Eric Young & Petey Williams) from the original episode of iMPACT from June 2004. The finish included some of the most exciting wrestling showcased on the entire show with a Code Red, Canadian Destroyer and Tornillo all being pulled out. (3:35)

oVe (Sami Callihan, Dave Crist & Jake Crist) def. Mike Burke, Phil Atlas & Ray Steele // 2:36

Sami Callihan got a much better introduction here as oVe picked up a dominant victory with their wacky All Seeing Eye triple-team move.

LAX (Homicide, Ortiz & Santana) attacked oVe, with Callihan taking a 187 cutter from Homicide but just escaping the Gringo Killer. 

A smiley Jeremy Borash and Josh Mathews opened the show in the ring, running down the card for the show before throwing to a Bound for Glory highlight package. 

The Pluto TV rewind of the week featured Roddy Piper blasting Chris Rose with a fire extinguisher after Rose proclaimed "Wrestling is Fake" from The Best Damn Wrestling Event Period in October 2004. 

After a Bound for Glory that featured some good wrestling, but terrible booking, this episode of Impact was a set in the right direction. Eddie Edwards victory over El Hijo del Fantasma was a high-quality contest for television, whilst Sonjay Dutt vs. Matt Sydal was also a decent watch and seeing Sami Callihan and the Crist Brother beat the shit into people is always fun. The non-wrestling segments were a little pacier, with a weak performance from Eli Drake standing out as particularly disappointing.

Review by James Marston

Bound for Glory 2017 Review // Johnny Impact vs. Eli Drake

On 5th November 2017, Impact Wrestling broadcast Bound for Glory 2017 live on PPV from Aberdeen Pavilion in Ottawa, Ontario. Johnny Impact [John Morrison] challenged Eli Drake [Shaun Ricker] for the Global Championship, James Storm, Ethan Carter III and Eddie Edwards tagged up as Team Impact to take on El Hijo del Fantasma, El Texano Jr. and Pagano representing AAA, as well as appearances from Alberto el Patron [Alberto Del Rio], Matt Sydal, Bobby Lashley, Abyss and Gail Kim. But was it any good? Lets take a look!  

Global Championship Match: Eli Drake def. Johnny Impact (19:30) 

McKenzie Mitchell interviewed Eli Drake and Chris Adonis with some terrible audio, but Drake continuing to grow into his role as Global Champion. The bad audio continued later as Johnny Impact cut a rather dull and slow promo in an interview with McKenzie Mitchell that was nowhere near the energy level you'd expect for someone competing in the main event of a companies biggest show.

Before the finish, I found myself surprisingly into the main event between Eli Drake and Johnny Impact, even if the same couldn't be said for the Aberdeen Pavilion crowd. Despite the uninspired build-up and lack of heat, the two worked well together to put on a series of impressive moment, with Impact's cat-like agility front and centre on a number of occasions. The former Lucha Underground Champion, produced plenty of gif-friendly action, like getting whipped towards the barricade only to slide underneath it, an avalanche Samoan drop rolled through into a standing corkscrew shooting star press and a Spanish fly, whilst Drake upped his game, mostly matching Impact's smoothness, hitting a tasty springboard moonsault and one of the best jumping superplexes that you ever did see. The pair battled against an apathetic crowd, who had been given very little reason to care, with Impact having only debuted at the end of August (on the same episode that Drake won the title) and with the duo having already had a match on TV just over a month ago. The booking let them down, but Impact and Drake did the best they could with the very little that they had to work with.   

Lets talk about that finish. In a baffling moment, Alberto El Patron would cost Impact the win, pulling the referee out of the ring, before nailing Impact with a pair of nasty looking chair-shots, hitting Drake with the title belt and then dropping champion on top of challenger for the pinfall. On which planet was this a good finish? Maybe, it would be acceptable on an episode of Impact, maybe it would be ok on B PPV (which the company doesn't run), but on your main show of the year? We didn't even get the surprise factor from an AEP return because he'd turned up to rant earlier in the night. The supposed biggest night of the year ended up feeling like any other night because they pulled a TV angle in the main event. (The unprotected chairshot from AEP to Impact was atrocious and really has no place in 2017)

Team Impact (Eddie Edwards, Ethan Carter III & James Storm) def. Team AAA (Pagano, El Hijo del Fantasma & El Texano Jr.) (15:27)

McKenzie Mitchell interviewed Team Impact (Ethan Carter III, Eddie Edwards & James Storm) with horrible audio problems and EC3 mostly staring into the middle distance.

I've never really got these inter-promotional rivalries, to be honest. They only really ever work when a high percentage of the audience has a strong feeling about one or both of the promotions involved and that couldn't be said for Impact or AAA here. How is it possible for anyone to currently get strongly behind a company like Impact that doesn't seem to know what it's own identity is? Beyond some heely cheating from Team AAA and ETJ pulling out his bullrope, the dislike between the two teams that had been pushed on Impact wasn't there. The story kept the focus on Team Impact and at times Pagano, ETJ and EHDF felt like bodies to facilitate that story. Not neccesarily a bad thing, but on the big stage I'd expect a little more substance. Also, anything involving Pagano tended to be clunky, with the standout moment being him just chilling on the apron whilst ETJ and EHDF bumped and fed for the EC3 hot tag.

What did work about the match however, was the relationship between Ethan Carter III and his team mates, which whilst being a little played out, came across well, especially at the beginning and towards the end. The match built nicely towards EC3's hot tag, showing him initially reluctant to help, before roaring into the bout when needed. The finish also played into this well, with EC3 on fire, escaping a double suplex from Pagano & ETJ, before nailing a pair of low blows and One Percenters and tagging in Storm to get the victory with a Last Call to Pagano. Carter screaming "Kick his fucking head off" as he tagged in the Cowboy seemed to put to be their problems and end EC3's short heel run, tying off the story well. It's just a shame it didn't come five minutes earlier. Special shoutout to the Package tombstone that EHDF gave Edwards on the apron as well, because that was clearly the highlight of the bout.

Monster's Ball: Abyss def. Grado (10:35)

Abyss and Grado had a confrontation backstage, with a fire-up Grado cutting a pretty good promo on their upcoming match and how much it meant to him. Moments before their match, Abyss berated Grado, asking him to dance, with Grado complying only to kick Abyss in his Monster's balls.

Good goly, where to start with this? This was not a good showcase for either man. The action was a times passable, with credit needing to be given for the bump that Grado took off the top rope through a barbed wire board, but quickly devolved into something else entirely. The spots with the board later on were poorly done, with the bout not only struggling to match the earlier highspot, but also not doing a good job of performing the following moments. Clunky spots like Abyss taking a shoulder block onto the board, before having to hold another one on top of him, so that Grado could deliver a top rope splash were poorly conceived in the first place, but weren't helped by how they were performed. Laurel Van Ness and then Rosemary getting involved saw the match devolve further, even if Rosemary got a good pop for turning up to nullify LVN's "threat". Then the bell went when the referee had clearly counted two, dragging an already poor match towards shambles territory. Close off with perhaps one of the worst Blackhole Slam's that Abyss has ever hit, that ended up looking like too drunk lads falling over on a Saturday night and you have a contender for the worst worked match in Impact (and perhaps beyond) for the year.

X Division Championship Match - Trevor Lee (C) def. Matt Sydal, Sonjay Dutt, Petey Williams, Dezmond Xavier and Garza Jr. (12:26)

Six good wrestlers, a decent amount of time and you've got yourself a strong opener, that ended up being one of the best matches on the show. It wasn't always as crisp as it could've been, mostly down to how fast the action was, but we did also get a number of brilliant one on one sequences thrown into the mix. Sydal and Dutt began with a great back and forth sequence, Sydal and Xavier were smooth as silk together, concluding with Sydal nailing a standing moonsault and a brilliant stretch between Lee and Dutt ended in a wonderful Orange Crush near fall for Lee. The champion being the bouts only heel worked well, whilst the crowd backing native Williams was used well, with the two elements driving the match and helping it to fill it's time, remaining interesting without becoming an out and out spot-fest. The build to Williams hitting the Canadian Destroyer produced some excitement in the closing stages, with multiple attempts getting good reaction from the Pavilion. I feel the finish was a little bit of a misstep, with a wonderful moment being teased as Sydal missed a Shooting Star Press and ended up in Williams' path, only to escape the Destroyer. Had that spot been completed and resulted in Williams winning the belt then you would have had a great moment that would've got people talking and elevated the match as a whole. Instead Williams hit the move on Xavier and Lee stole the pin to retain and we ended up with a cliche conclusion instead.

Six Sides of Steel Match: Bobby Lashley & King Mo def. Moose & Stephan Bonnar (10:39)

Dan Lambert psyched up Bobby Lashley, King Mo and the rest of American Top Team backstage, despite saying they didn't actually need it. Later on, Moose and Stephen Bonnar touched each other quite a bit and said "in the cage" a lot. 

There were moments were I felt like this match was leading to a really good pay off. Those moments were when Moose was just ploughing through American Top Team lads, hitting daft Go to Hell's (Double chokebomb) off the top rope and looking like a real beast of a man. Looking like a star and someone the company could potentially strap the rocket on. The rest of the match wasn't for me. With very little knowledge of or care for MMA, Bonnar and Mo scrapping meant nothing to me, so having he majority of the match centre around the potential of them fighting turned me off almost instantly. The fact that the fight amounted to the pair rolling around on the floor for a little bit, whilst the crowd sat in silence or chanting "GSP" for some reason turned me off even more. All of American Top Team's representatives would eventually get in the cage, in another shitty TNA cliche and even after Moose had crawled back inside the cage (he got locked outside after following Mo out there like a silly Moose), he ended up losing to a Lashley spear. What does American Top Team winning achieve? No one wants this story to continue and a Moose win could have potentially marked him out as a future star for the company. But that would've made too much sense.

World Tag Team Champion 5150 Street Fight: oVe (Dave Crist & Jake Crist) (C) def. LAX (Ortiz [Angel Ortiz] & Santana [Mike Draztik]) (10:21)

Backstage, we see a body laid out on the floor, drapped in a Mexican flag, with a figure standing over it, before offering us a thumbs down. Could it be?

This was match of the night, but wasn't above being fucked by the terrible creative that blighted the evening. Dave, Jake, Ortiz & Santana put on a thrilling spot-fest from the very beginning. Highlights included Ortiz nailing Jake with a sitout powerbomb off the ramp through a table, Santana climbing some scaffolding and diving onto Dave on a table below, Jake hitting a superplex on Ortiz through a bunch of seated chairs and a Street Sweeper from LAX to Jake onto a stack of chairs. Then came the matches main problem, the debut of Sami Callihan. Whilst we were told that 5150 Street Fight was like nothing we'd ever seen, there was no mistaking that the gimmick was a normal street fight, with no other members of LAX present with Low Ki having left the company, Diamante nowhere to be seen and Homicide "laid out". Had we seen Jake & Dave in unbelievable peril, battling against the whole group, before Callihan came out and cleaned house, it would have felt special, it would've been a moment. Instead, Callihan seemed to randomly walk out, to no reaction, throw something in 53 year od Konnan's eyes, before destroying Ortiz and Santana in two spectacular spots. As good as those spots looked, the right notes hadn't been hit and the crowd didn't know how to react to Callihan or a group in oVe that is yet to get over with this audience. The finish was flat. I was so excited to see Sami Callihan debut in Impact and they botched it. 

oVe laid the boots into Ortiz & Santana, with a quick soundbite promo from Callihan. 

Alberto El Patron Returns (10:08)

Fuck sake. Seriously? Who thought this was a good idea? This was ten minutes of AEP complaining about being suspended after being part of an alleged domestic violence incident earlier in the year. Ten minutes of him just droning on about it, aimlessly. He also kept randomly jumping on the middle rope for reasons known only to him. "They didn't care about my family. They didn't care about my three little babies" is one of the most bizarre arguments anyone could have in this situation. However, the weirdest part was AEP threatening commentator Jeremy Borash and then not actually doing anything. At best, this was uncomfortable viewing, at worst it was an embarrassment to professional wrestling.

Knockout's Championship Match: Gail Kim def. Sienna [Allysin Kay] (C) and Allie [Cherry Bomb] (9:43)

Terrible crackly audio as McKenzie Mitchell interviewed Gail Kim ahead of Knockout's Championship match. 

This match did very little for me, with the three often looking awkward and stunted together. The big moments of the contest were more often than not detracted from by sloppiness, with Sienna taking a nasty looking double back suplex onto the barricade, that had very little height on it. Sienna's avalanche fallaway slam on Allie, followed up with a spinebuster to Kim stood out as the opposite however, being well-timed, if not for the referee fannying around on the count. Story-wise, the match focused around Sienna's dominance and Kim and Allie's teamwork, but nothing stayed around long enough to create a coherent flowing narrative, with the bout seemingly looking to coast on a feel-good finish as Kim won in her final match. Personally, I think Allie taking the belt and Kim passing the proverbial torch would have been a more effective conclusion, with the right story, but I'm not majorly against what is in essense a nice gesture from the company for one of their hall of famers. Although, I think replaying match with Awesome Kong from Final Resolution 2008 would have done her career more justice! 

Taiji Ishimori def. Tyson Dux (4:47)

Extended squash match here as Dux made his first Impact appearance since Victory Road 2008. The bout was pretty much also Ishimori for the five minutes, who picked up the win with 450 splash, in a match the crowd couldn't have cared less about.

Jimmy Jacobs made a surprise appearance, briefly chatting to the commentary team and indicating that he now worked at Impact.

I didn't hate Bound for Glory 2017. I hated the booking, the creative and the lack of anything feeling remotely special, surprising or fresh. Whatever is going on with Alberto El Patron is trash. Grado vs. Abyss was really poor all on it's own, as well. But I thought the X-Division six man showcased some real talent, whilst the 5150 Street Fight featured some spectacular spots and would have unarguably been match of the night, had it not been for the flat finish. There was so much talent and potential on this show. But they were all to greater or less extent let down by terrible creative decisions and direction that dragged the show as a whole down.

Review by James Marston